From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Lordy, Lordy, Look Who’s [redacted]!
Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, the pneumonia-stricken, asthmatic, chronically-fibromyalgic, allergy-plagued, memory-impaired, energy-depleted, unsteady, last-rites-given grandma who's currently kicking the entire Republican machine in the teeth with one shriveled, arthritic hand tied behind her degenerating vertebrae on her way to becoming the next President of the United States for two spectacular terms.
"We can’t hide from any of these hard truths about race and justice in America. We have to name them and own them and then change them."
"You cannot have maternal health without reproductive health. And reproductive health includes contraception and family planning and access to legal, safe abortion.”
"Donald Trump's ideas aren't just different. They are dangerously incoherent. They're not even really ideas, just a series of bizarre rants, personal feuds and outright lies. … A man you can bait with a tweet is not a man we can trust with nuclear weapons."
"To LGBT men and women worldwide, let me say this: wherever you live and whatever the circumstances of your life, whether you are connected to a network of support or feel isolated and vulnerable, please know that you are not alone."
"Climate change is real. It is here. It has to be dealt with. If I hear another politician or public official say they don’t know what to say because they’re not a scientist, I’m just going to yell because…go talk to a scientist!"
"If there is one message that echoes forth from this conference, let it be that human rights are women’s rights and women’s rights are human rights, once and for all."
"Despite what you hear, we don't need to make America great again. America has never stopped being great."
I gave Hillary her main present on Monday when I proudly cast my vote for Nasty Woman and her running mate World’s Greatest Dad. But since I know she'll be able to get a lot more done with a Democratic-controlled Senate, I thought she might like it if I tossed a twenty---aka a soon-to-be-Tubman---to the campaigns of some of her fellow Nasty Women: Katie McGinty (PA), Deborah Ross (NC), Maggie Hassan (NH), Catherine Cortez Masto (NV), and Ann Kirkpatrick (AZ). Feel free to follow suit if you feel so inclined.
How cool it’ll be one year from now to say “Happy birthday, Madame President.”
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 26, 2016
By the Numbers:
Days 'til daylight saving time ends: 11
Days 'til the Moab Folk Festival in Utah: 9
Current vote for Clinton and Trump, respectively, among early voters in North Carolina, according to PPP: 63% to 37%
Number of white students at Stone High School in Wiggins, Mississippi who are accused of putting a noose around a black student's neck as a prank, according to AP: 4
Number of states besides Mississippi that still have the confederate battle emblem on their flag: 0
Respondents in an Advertising Specialty Institute poll who said they were more willing to put a Clinton bumper sticker on their car than a Trump bumper sticker: 52%
Number of Clinton and Trump bumper stickers, respectively, ordered from Gill Studios (makers of the first self-sticking bumper stickers) according to ASI: 2.3 million / 800,000
The Cleveland Indians lead the Chicago Cubs 1 game to 0.
Mid-week Rapture Index:
189 (including 4 false prophets and 1 orange-faced 'Babe in Christ'). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Saved! (Kudos to Lt. Hank Mann of the Rockdale, Georgia Fire Dept.)
CHEERS to Those Darn Kids® Fear not, Democrats, the Millennials are, as predicted, coming home to the party that isn’t hellbent on destroying their future:
[M]any young voters are coming over to Clinton in the closing stretch of the 2016 campaign, according to a new GenForward poll of Americans 18 to 30. […]
In the new GenForward survey, Clinton leads among all young whites 35 percent to 22 percent, and by a 2-to-1 margin among those who are likely to vote. Clinton held a consistent advantage among young African-Americans, Asian-Americans and Hispanics in earlier GenForward polls, as she does in the new survey. […]
Overall, Clinton leads Trump among young likely voters 60 percent to 19 percent…If Clinton and Trump receive that level of support on Election Day, Clinton would match Obama’s level of 2012 while Trump would fall short of Romney’s.
They like Hillary's ideas for college tuition relief and taxing the rich, they agree with her that a big percent of Trump's followers are "deplorables," and they're turned off by Trump's misogyny. Which can only mean one thing in Trump's mind: Millennials are rigged!
CHEERS to a devastating question. Khizr Khan, accompanied by his wife Ghazala, brought the chattering at the Democratic convention to a halt last summer when he told the story of how his son---a Muslim---gave his life in Iraq in 2004 in order to save the lives of the members of his unit from a suicide bomber. It was a moment that packed an emotional wallop in the wake of Donald Trump's pledge to clear America of Muslims "until we find out what's going on"…whatever the hell that meant. The Khans returned last week to re-tell their son's story in an ad for the Clinton campaign, asking: "Mr. Trump, would my son have a place in your America?"
Khan won’t get an answer from the Republican candidate, at least not today. Trump is off the campaign trail to hob-nob with his dwindling number of fans at his Washington D.C. hotel for its grand opening. Priorities, y'know.
JEERS to a depressing annual rite of fall. Yes, boys and girls, it's time once again to check in with our good drug enforcement buddies to give us an update on the opium biz in our 51st state of Afghanistan. As a reminder, twelve of the last thirteen years have seen an increase in opium production, so place your bets and let's see how we did this year…
Opium production in Afghanistan rose by 43 per cent to 4,800 metric tons in 2016 compared with 2015 levels, according to the latest Afghanistan Opium Survey figures released today by the Afghan Ministry of Counter Narcotics and the UNODC. The area under opium poppy cultivation also increased to 201,000 hectares (ha) in 2016, a rise of 10 per cent compared with 183,000 ha in 2015.
In a statement timed to coincide with the survey's launch, UNODC Executive Director, Yury Fedotov, said that the new report shows a worrying reversal in efforts to combat the persistent problem of illicit drugs and their impact on development, health and security. Consequently, he urged the international community to lend their support to achieving the sustainable development goals in Afghanistan - including vital work on a peaceful and inclusive society, health, poverty, peace, and gender, among many others.
Well, there's always next year. Join us again next October for the another suspense-not-filled carbon-copy update. Same opium time. Same opium channel.
CHEERS to spring-fresh pantaloons. On today's date in 1858, Hamilton Smith patented the rotary washing machine, which moved clothes up and down via a plunger that simultaneously circulated water:
Today's washing machines are more energy-efficient, water-conserving and reliable. (But, man, they make some weird sounds. Our new one spends most of its time going "Snrrk… Snrrk… Snrrk…") But some things haven’t changed: like, if you forget to check your pockets for anything that melts when exposed to hot water and massive centrifugal force before you push START, you're still screwed. (Damn you, candy corn---that was my favorite Lance Link: Secret Chimp tuxedo shirt.)
CHEERS to coming together as one nation. As word got out that federal law demanded veterans who got a larger re-enlistment bonus during the early Iraq War years than they should've were being forced to repay them (with interest, even), the left and right came together from every nook and cranny to raise holy hell. And now some muckety mucks in power are finally making noise of their own:
Defense Secretary Ashton B. Carter promised Tuesday to resolve the cases of thousands of Army National Guard soldiers who were ordered by the Defense Department to repay bonuses they received to enlist in the military. […]
A bipartisan group of lawmakers have called for additional oversight and quick action by the Defense Department. In one letter issued Monday, Sens. Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer, both Democrats from California, said the actions taken have been “unfair and appalling” and called for Carter to intervene.
“Thousands of our service members are paying the price for mistakes made by California National Guard managers, some of whom are now serving jail time or paying restitution for their crimes,” the letter said. “It is outrageous to hold these service members and their families responsible for the illegal behavior of others.”
It'll be interesting to see how this shakes out. Knowing the military, they'll pay out restitution in surplus artillery.
Ten years ago in C&J: October 26, 2006
JEERS to compassionate conservatives. Lovely bunch of knuckledraggers: Rush Limbaugh calls Parkinson's sufferer Michael J. Fox a big faker who's off his meds. Wyoming congresswoman Barbara Cubin threatens to slap the daylights out of MS sufferer and Libertarian candidate Thomas Rankin who's confined to a wheelchair. And let's not forget Peter Roskam, the GOP candidate in Illinois who told his opponent, Tammy Duckworth, she wanted to "cut and run," knowing full well she lost both legs in Iraq. And here's something to watch for at their '08 national convention: instead of balloons I hear they'll be dropping old ladies from the rafters.
And just one more…
CHEERS to putting a bully in his place. With no fucks left to give, Barack HUSSEIN Obama is wrapping up his presidency with a sense of joyful candor that only a popular president who knows his legacy will be kind to him can. This jab at Donald Trump on Jimmy Kimmel Live Monday night should play on a continuous loop in the BHO Library and Museum:
What a great time to be on team D, no?
Happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
The main thrust of Cheers and Jeers, it seems, is answering the question “What would happen if a team of people who like Bill in Portland Maine got to say whatever they wanted for 45 minutes without anyone challenging them on anything?”
---Josh Feldman, Mediaite