This isn’t a joke. I wish it was.
As a rape survivor, who had Trump pegged as a sexual predator from the first time I saw him on TV, I am despondent and enraged. I am enraged that no one gives a shit about the fact that this man currently on track to win the presidency is an avowed and boastful sexual predator. I am disgusted that anyone could know this-hear him say as much in his own words-and still vote for him.
My daughter is hysterical-she doesn’t understand . One of the most heartbreaking conversations we have ever had was tonight-she wanted to know how anyone could like that man when he says such mean things about girls. I had to hold her, crying in my arms, and rock her to sleep like a baby. I had to lie to her and say everything will be okay.
In reality I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. I have been pushed to the brink of my sanity by this election to begin with. I’ve been destroyed by the things I’ve researched and written about Trump. And bear in mind there are so many things I couldn’t even publish because of the backlash, the threats, the harassment, stalking and abuse I got in response to my second diary.
I am mad as hell. I don’t want to hear from any of you smug ass bernie bros. I don’t want to be lectured on what Hillary coulda shoulda done. I don’t want to interact with flippant people who are shrugging this off. It might be no skin off your nose, but for women, for minorities, for immigrants, for the disabled, for marginalized persons of every stripe this is shaping up to be a potentially devastating loss. A devastating setback.
Many of us are deeply mourning. If you are, join me here. Let’s talk about how phenomenally fucked up all of this is.
And let’s not make any rash decisions tonight, no matter how much hurt we feel.
EDIT/ADDENDUM
First, just to clarify, I changed the title because some felt it was triggering. But to be clear, this diary is addressing the very real suicidal ideation many of us are feeling right now. I am personally not at risk, so please don’t be concerned about me-I have employed the coping mechanisms I needed. I simply want there to be an open forum for discussion of the feelings many of us are having. We need support and kindness more than anything right now.
If you are in crisis please use any of the following resources
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
There is also chat available, though I would recommend hearing a human voice.
((HUGS)) My Kos community. We will get through this together.