While reading the #MeToo posts and wondering what, if anything, I would feel comfortable writing, it was difficult not to have one memory after another memory come to mind. I used to have only one type of memory (those where I escaped from very dangerous situations) but when I started thinking of all the other times inappropriate comments were made they were too numerous to count. But that is what I am going to try to do to the best of my ability to give you all a sense of what life is like for women.
For the record, and I feel I should NOT have to say this but people will wonder and ask, I dress conservatively and I rarely consume alcohol. For those of you who think what I wear/what I do makes a difference, you all are mistaken. I am not to blame and I will NOT accept blame for something for which I am not at fault.
Below is a list of what has only happened to me. I am not alone though. What I write is what happens to women and girls all the time.
1. In high school, my best friend and I worked at a sub/pizza shop. We were underage; the Assistant Manager was not. He would make inappropriate comments and gestures regularly. For example, he brought me a gift one day-a teddy; it was not a bear. When the Assistant Manager decided to join the military, the other managers decided to have a farewell party on site which included hiring a stripper. My best friend and I along, with two other women, were subjected to watching a striptease. Remember, we were underage. Later, when this man returned from military duty, he stalked my friend and me (then in college). We reported his behavior. We showed up at a hearing to determine whether this man should be banned from campus. The waiting area was filled with women who all looked like my best friend and me. It was creepy. Fortunately, he was banned from campus!
2. I assisted an elderly man in the community who wanted to donate his collection of books to the library. Though most of his books were related to religion, there was at least one lesbian sex book in his collection. I did not acknowledge what I saw. Months later this elderly man contacted me. He informed me he gets hard when he thinks about me and masturbates. I was horrified and disgusted. This man is old enough to be my grandfather.
3. When I was in high school I need to go to physical therapy after hurting my leg. I was, once again, underage and alone with the “therapist” in the examination room. This man, who was dressed in religious garb, took my foot and pressed it against his penis –repeatedly claiming he was trying stretch/strengthen my leg. He pressed my foot sternly against his penis. I thought about telling my father who was in the lobby waiting for me but my dad would have killed the man. I was afraid my father would end up in jail for protecting his little girl.
4. Very early on in my career two male coworkers were remarking about headlights/high-beams. I had no idea what they were referring to though they asked if I was cold. I was but did not know how they knew.
5. I was in a meeting at work where I was the only female. A male colleague recognized how frustrated I was during the meeting which he used as an excuse to speak with me afterwards. We spoke –in the open at work. This man proceeded to tell about how he liked how I matched my makeup to what I was wearing (I don’t wear makeup). He talked about going camping in the woods and being naked in the woods. This man, who was married, proceeded to tell me next time we meet, it should be in my apartment.
6. I was walking down a hallway at work. There was someone on a ladder with their head in the ceiling. I said hello so the person would know someone was below. Evidently the man who was on the ladder bent down and watched me walk back to the office. He followed me to my desk which he would visit repeatedly. He learned my name from the nameplate outside of my cube and sent me messages at work about what a nice ass I have. My coworkers warned me when he was approaching and my boss had to intervene to get him to leave me alone. :(
7. I did folk dancing when I was in college. Years later I had an opportunity to bring folk dancing to my new workplace. I contacted the folk dance troupe choreographer-a man who was old enough to be my father. He came out to the workplace and did a workshop. After, while I was resetting the room, he made inappropriate sexual comments to me. I was surprised and disgusted; I have blocked out the actual words.
8. I went to a friend’s house (well his mom’s house and she was home). This guy and I had been friends for a few years and he never had previously acted inappropriately with me. We were talking and out of the blue this guy grabbed my breast. I have no idea why he would think that was okay and I was stunned a person I trusted would do this to me.
9. I went to see a comedy show. I was sitting outside speaking with another lady who was attending the same event. A man approached us and asked us our plans for the evening. It turned out he was the agent for the people in the show. He asked us if we wanted to meet them. We did meet them (in public); they were pleasant. The agent; however, was not. Once again a man old enough to be my father asked me if I had been with an older man. After unsuccessfully trying to deflect his attention, he ran his finger along my back. I gave him an “if looks could kill, you would be dead” look. Fortunately, it was very easy for me to get away from this creep. Though this creep seemed to only have eyes on me, I ensured the other much younger lady was safe too. Actually, she and I had just met but she knew the universal “help me, we need to leave” look.
10. A male coworker wanted to spend time with me away from work. However, I was sick and told this to my coworker. Though he and I had only a professional working relationship in the office, he found out where I lived. He said he brought me something to make me feel better. He brought me condoms. I lectured him as best as I could as sick as I was and eventually he left.
11. I told the above story to a female friend. A male in the room heard the story. He showed up at a coworker’s apartment while I was there. He brought me a can of soup, a vibrator, a vibrating cock ring, etc. I declined his “gifts.” He said he would not friend me on social media until I proved my worthiness. Good riddance; I do not owe you anything. This same man used to prey on women with his male friends. They would read books about manipulating women into having sex with them. Gross.
12. I twisted my ankle folk dancing but did not realize how badly I injured it. I attended a sporting event and when I got up to leave I was unable to walk. A man who I thought was a friend, someone I had known for a long time, helped me back to my dorm room. Then he tried to attack me.
13. I was working on a school project with a boy who suddenly came up from behind and grabbed my breasts. I tried to scream but no noise came out. :(
14. I was dating a guy. His best friend came to my parent’s house when I was sick. He came into my room and molested me. :(
15. I was sitting the in dorm lounge studying. I was focused on my school work and wearing sweats. I went back to my room and an acquaintance followed and grabbed me.
16. I fled to another dorm scared as could be. Another guy I know grabbed me and threw me on a bed. I fought him and got away.
17. A classmate gave me a ride home from a high school graduation party. He drove the car to remote area and molested me.
18. A former coworker of mine asked me if I was into sexting while we worked together and he outranked me. He asked about my breasts and my experiences. He thought I should show more of my assets.
19. I received a text message one day from an unknown number. It was a dick pic. :( I screamed and threw the phone across the room. The police think the person misdialed.
20. A policeman helped me break into my own home after an object fell obstructing my entryway. I baked him cookies to thank him. He came onto me up until his girlfriend walked in. A side note, this man was set to marry this girlfriend of his until his former roommate showed up with a baby girl who looked just like him.
21. A young man came onto me because I was his mom’s age and he thought that was hot.
22. His friend came onto me at an outdoor party just out of sight of his girlfriend.
23. A creepy old man followed me home from the store bearing gifts. This older married man would leave gifts outside my home and leave me creepy messages.
24. Arrived at a hotel wearing a business suit. A man in a white pickup truck leered at me and tried to figure out which room was mine. His coworkers were staying next door to my room. I was traveling along and terrified. I barricaded myself in my hotel room. :(
25. I was attacked by a stranger who was inebriated. This was in my home; I let this person in. Why? The management company sent this person to my home; he was supposed to fix something. This person was supposed to be licensed. I was able to fight back. A male attorney who was supposed to be helping me said I would have better off had I been raped. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!
26. An exchange student at a friend’s house made inappropriate advances on me; I think while I was still in high school!
27. A female floor mate of mine in college rounded a corner and came into my room. Two men popped out from another corner and followed her in. She and I gave each other looks. She silently asked if I knew these men and I silently replied no. I could tell she did not know them either. They cornered us in the room and remarked, “I bet you get a lot of guys in there.” My quick thinking floor mate grabbed hold of me and responded, “Not really.” Fortunately, the strange men left.
28. Several months after starting a new job, I wore a dress to work. My boss’ boss pulled me into his office telling me my dress was inappropriate; however, he would not make me go home and change. I was puzzled. He went on to say it looked like I was wearing a mini dress. I am not a fashion person but I thought a mini was a crotch dress. I was wearing a knee-length dress. Former coworkers were shocked as they know I dress conservatively. Evidently, no one wanted to be reminded I have lady parts. :(
29. A married high school teacher of mine made inappropriate comments towards myself and other female students. It got so bad that female students knew not to go to his office alone. He brought in a lot of money for the school and gave the impression of a wholesome church going teacher. He was later found guilty of engaging in an inappropriate relationship with a 14 year old student.
30. A former coworker of mine acted like he was interested in me. I felt something was off. I did a little investigating and found out this man was married. He would speak in code and he would try to be alone with me at work. It was very uncomfortable but both of us were in prominent positions and I felt I had to keep him close in order to be safe. He creeped me out even more when he figured out where I lived and showed up at my apartment. He brought me food and then molested me.
I know I could go on. This task has been mentally draining and has disgusted me.
#MeToo does not mean it was a one time thing. So think about all of the #MeToo posts you saw and realize every #MeToo represents dozens of different instances of assault and harassment.