About six months after the election, at a going away party, a friend who works at a local bar that traditionally attracts gay men mentioned that management and staff were hoping to see a more diverse group of people—by which he meant women. As a former bartender, and as a lesbian craving the company of other members of the queer community post-election, I offered to start a happy hour.
Women Crush Wednesday has blossomed into a community of more than 400 fem-identifying and gender-nonconforming people around the D.C., Maryland, and Virginia area. Getting to know people through these casual gatherings, seeing others build networks, and developing these friendships gives me more joy than anything else I do. As someone who hasn’t gone to her parents’ home for Christmas in years, it’s also made December a much easier month.
When I came out, I lost the last relative I was close to. Almost four out of 10 LGBT Americans have been rejected by a close friend or a family member. Keep in mind, of course, that just slightly more than one-half of LGBT Americans are out to a mother; a lot less than half (39 percent) have come out to a father. Nearly six out of 10 of us have weathered slurs and jokes. Queer teenagers are four times as likely to commit suicide.
For me, holiday misery has traditionally started at Halloween and ended sometime in January. When people leave, I travel solo or stay put in D.C. Funny queer lady Lane Moore gets it right.
Right now the entire world is talking about nothing but the freaking holidays. Commercials, movies, special TV episodes, reruns of special TV episodes, social media, advertisements. All of it. And not just that, every single one of those outlets is talking about family over the holidays because everyone has a family on the holidays! The holidays are a time to spend with your family! And since everyone has a perfect family they spend regular time with, everyone loves the holidays! And if you don’t love the holidays, you must be a cold-hearted psychopath!!!
When I stay in D.C., things get hard. I have a “Christmas family,” as I call them (hi!), but any number of days before and after to fill. Until recently, I dreaded those deserted days.
Last year, a friend took me to brunch on Christmas Eve. We’d stayed in D.C. for similar reasons, despite having time off. That act of kindness inspired me to reach out to others this year. This year, I was putting the finishing touches on brunch for friends—chestnut soup, seared brussels sprouts, and frittata among other dishes. Seven of nine guests were friends I’ve gotten to know through Women Crush Wednesday.
This year, I got to look forward to both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. But it took a long time to get here—it took a friend suggesting brunch and others inviting me to share the holiday with their families. I know too many stories like mine, especially among LGBT people.
Don’t go bear-hugging the next lesbian you see—but if you’re an ally, think twice. Remember that friends living with the knowledge that one-half of the country would legalize discrimination against them because of who they love may experience life a little differently. That more than one-half of Americans want to erase trans identity altogether. And if you’re LGBT and you’re in my boat, reach out. There are tons of us out here, and we’re pretty great.