What if Alex Jones is right? What if the government is making frogs gay? Hear me out.
He has made quite a bit of news in recent days for being required to make public apologies because of the lawsuits brought upon him. But you know-- the people who follow him--Alex Jones' followers, (which is not a small group of people), are of the opinion that when he makes one of these retractions it's for legal purposes, and legal purposes alone.
Back in the late nineties, Jones made a name for himself espousing Y2K theories and even claims to have predicted 9/11.
Not too long ago though, he went on Joe Rogan's podcast and Rogan filled him with whiskey and high-powered kind-bud. At which point, Jones announced that he had a confession to make-- that all of his Y2K scare claims back in the 90s were bullshit-- and they were forced upon him by the radio station he worked for in order to increase the sale of their post-apocalyptic prepper gear. Of course in doing so he's also passing on the blame to someone else. But that is what Alex Jones is good at.
That latest is his apology tour was to Chobani yogurt. He had to apologize to them too. But before doing so, the headline on his Twitter was "Idaho yogurt maker caught importing migrant rapists." So, Hamdi Ulukaya, the Kurdish founder of the company, had his phones ringing off the hook with death threats, because Alex Jones claims this guy in Idaho is hiring rapist gang members from other countries to make yogurt. It's totally bogus, and there's nothing funny about it. But... if Alex Jones is right, it begs the question: What is the evil-super-genius motivation behind hiring rapists to work at your yogurt factory? The implication-- I guess-- is that the company's founder needed sexual deviants to add a little something special to the special sauce.
It just doesn't make sense. Alex Jones is essentially suggesting a conspiracy to put a rapist semen in your yogurt. I don't get it.
Where is it coming from? It's like he's taking everything and the kitchen sink plus the kitchen sink's kitchen sink and just throwing all this garbage at the wall to see if it sticks… He's built a media empire, so he's got a whole a legion of underling minions who they've hired to scoop up all these these weird ideas that are floating around on the Internet-- and then they plug Alex into the Alex Jones matrix machine which slushes all these theories in his brain like a ninja fruit juicer, and then he takes the contents and spews it out of his mouth.
The classic is, “gay frogs.” He says the Pentagon tested a "gay bomb" on Iraq, which is some kind of device which sprays chemical pheromones everywhere. But... According to Jones, they have used it not only on Iraq, but on our troops as well. The theory goes that if you jack up the troops full of military-grade-axe-body spray with a secret “gay” ingredient, that soldiers in the the battlefield, instead of killing the enemy will want to get it on-- sexually-- with each other-- during combat. And Alex Jones' “proof” that this is going on is that the chemicals have seeped into the water and it is turning the frogs gay.
What if it were true? I think it would be kind of awesome. What if… What if Alex Jones was right? What if we could bring world peace through the spread of homosexuality? I’m not trying to make an argument as to the intrinsic nature of sexuality, or if it is truly possible— since the idea that you can just switch someone’s sexuality through science is a dangerous notion. I am simply following through with Jones’ assertion. I understand that it is a mighty big *if.*
So— think about it. If we were to play out Jones’ thinking to the conclusion he is suggesting— It’s only “bad” in his mind because of his religious convictions— which we know aren’t convictions at all, since his divorce proceedings revealed that “Alex Jones” is nothing but a performance-art character. The reality is that he would have no more disagreements with his wife, and it could be the beginning of a new utopia, not just for Jones, but for everyone, everywhere. Instead of killing foreigners to pillage their land for natural resources, those soldiers would be free to just sit around talking about comic books, and Xbox, and tool belts, and comparing your tools, and other guys stuff, and drive around in their Humvee and when you're all done, hop in the back seat and do what comes natural. Because as a part of Jones’ theory, that’s what happens when soldiers (and frogs) turn gay. And, since we're all gay now, we can live up to the slogan, "make love not war." Furthermore, it’s okay for those soldiers to put down their guns. And it wouldn't be weird. Millions of soldiers across the 800 United States military bases across the globe fornicating for our Freedom.
And once we get our hands on enough of these gay bombs, you drop it on soldiers everywhere. Just a big gay orgy-- maybe even caused by some kind of latent homosexual gun fetish-- instead of lunatic gun nuts inspired by Alex Jones who wanted to kill Middle Eastern people, as part of some kind of race war— in turn, creating more terrorists, causing the U.S. to send more troops, creating more terrorists so the U.S. can send more troops— of course so the people in charge of sending more troops can earn more money through the contracts they have with weapons manufacturers.
War is like cocaine commercial from the early nineties. You remember-- they've got some guy in a suit who takes a sniff of cocaine and makes some weird movements with his eyes, then states, "I do coke so I can work longer, so I can earn more, so I can do more coke." And he says it over and over again while walking around in a circle, and they speed up the video until it sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks.
They need to make one of these commercials for the U.S. military and foreign-policy. "We bomb foreign civilians, so we can create more terrorists, so we can justify building more war machines at a profit, so we can bomb more foreign civilians, so we can create more terrorists, so we can justify building more war machines at a profit."
So… On this particular topic, wouldn't it be awesome if Alex Jones were right? If you think I’m making this up, please google it. Gay frogs equals gay soldiers, equals no more arms-contracts, equals world peace!
Don’t forget Trump’s 110 Billion dollar deal with the Saudis— If Trump had listened to Jones, it could’ve all been prevented… And Jones has just gotten Whitehouse clearance…
Regardless of whether Jones is right— love who you want to love— and make love, not war!
@RodWebber
RodWebber.com
