From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Wit of Will
This week marks the 82nd anniversary of Will Rogers' death in a plane crash in Alaska. In 1935 Roosevelt (whom he supported) had only been in office for two years and my parents were still in diapers. Huge Hollywood star, razor-sharp pundit, and one of the best things to come from Oklahoma. Here are some of his observations that ring as true today as they did 80-odd years ago:
“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
“The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.”
"Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat."
“This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer."
“That we have carried as much political bunk as we have and still survived shows we are a super nation.”
"There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin’. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”
"A fool and his money are soon elected."
When the Judgment Day comes civilization will have an alibi: "I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with."
And this one seems particularly apt all these decades later, especially in light of recent events:
"We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others."
Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. This might take awhile.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, August 16, 2017
Note: Today is National Rum Day. Since it must be 5 o'clock somewhere on earth already (or certainly at the Space Station), the C&J Tiki hut is already open and dispensing a tasty assortment of complimentary Daiquiris, Mojitos, Mai Tais, Dark & Stormys, Hurricanes, Blue Hawaiis, Cuba Libres, Zombies, Bumbos, Coquitos, and, of course, Orange Whips. Do stop by and say hi. I'll be over in the corner making outrageous and slurred accusations at a lamp.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Halloween: 76
Days 'til the Prickly Pear Festival in Superior, Arizona: 13
Number of corporate CEOs who have quit the White House "manufacturing council" because of Trump’s reaction to the Nazi violence in Charlottesville: 5 (AFL-CIO, Merck, Intel, Alliance for American manufacturing & Under Armour)
Rank of North Carolina and Kentucky among states that are the best at protecting high school athletes from injuries, according to a Korey Stringer Institute study: #1, #2
Rank of Colorado and California in the survey: #49, #50
Pairs of eclipse-viewing glasses that American Paper Optics will crank out by the time Monday's event happens: 50,000 per day
Years during which London's Big Ben will be silent due to repairs: 4
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Mid-week Rapture Index:
181 (including 5 Civil Rights and a gaggle of misguided face-dusting angels). Soul Protection Factor 16 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: swaddled fosters
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CHEERS to adding fuel to the anti-fascism fire. If you've been waiting for the inevitable moment when the maker of those Polynesian-style torches came out to condemn the co-opting of their fine product by the Nazis, allow me to terminate the suspense:
Tiki Brand is distancing itself from white nationalists who used tiki torches in a protest march in Charlottesville, Virginia.
"Tiki Brand is not associated in any way with the events that took place in Charlottesville and are deeply saddened and disappointed," the company said in a statement Monday. "We do not support their message or the use of our products in this way." […]
Tiki Brand, which has 70 employees and is owned by Lamplight Farms Inc. of Wisconsin, said its torches are intended for positive events. "Our products are designed to enhance backyard gatherings and to help family and friends connect with each other at home in their yard," the company said.
In the old days, angry hate mobs would wrap rags around a tree branch, soak 'em in gasoline and tar, then march down the street while gas and tar dripped all over them, burning holes through their clothes and turning their skin into bubbling patches of third-degree burns and they LIKED it! But not today. Might muss up their penny loafers and manicures. The horror.
JEERS to the revisionist-historian-in-(tragically)-chief. Trump was back in his element yesterday, spending the day at his opulent gold sky palace (as opposed to that "dump" the White House). The familiar atmosphere must've switched off whatever brain filters he has in his head, because he went off on a rather remarkable rant in which, among other things, he insisted there are "some very fine people" among the Nazi/KKK movement:
Donald Trump tried on Tuesday to make an infrastructure announcement but the press conference quickly spiraled out of control when he justified his reprehensible handling of the Charlottesville violence by defending the supremacist/neo-Nazi protest and blaming "both sides," including what he called the "alt-left."
For those of you keeping track, his opinion of the Charlottesville melee has gone from flip to flip-flop to flip-flop-flip. The blowback from his rant will be the story of the week. Gee, no wonder Trump is trying to be nice to the Chinese these days. He's dug his hole so deep he's about to break through Xi's back yard.
CHEERS to the predictability of the "unpredictable." Gee, who could've guessed that when Kim Jong Fartknocker declared he was preparing to nuke Guam starting, oh---[checks watch]---five minutes ago, he'd see fit to grant mercy on the island and pee on his lit fuses? If you've installed a spycam in my living room, you'll see me raising my hand:
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un reviewed his military's plans to rain "an enveloping fire"around the U.S. territory of Guam — but opted not to fire missiles at this time, according to state media. […]
Kim visited the Korean People's Army as the self-imposed mid-August deadline for a missile demonstration approached, the Korean Central News Agency reports. But after hearing the plan and considering it, Kim opted not to give the order to launch missiles, and instead "would watch a little more the foolish and stupid conduct of the Yankees.”
C&J thinks that’s a wise move. Especially when they're losing to the Red Sox.
JEERS to exiting too soon. On August 16, 1977, while sitting on his golden throne, 42 year-old Elvis Presley's heart ran out of steam and he died at 3:30 p.m. (He was supposed to kick off a concert tour in Portland, Maine the next day.) Of course, this date has special significance for gaffe watchers: during a stop in South Carolina a few years back, presidential candidate (Snort!) Michele Bachmann urged a campaign crowd---all six of them---to join her in wishing The King happy birthday. Someone in the crowd yelled out the truth but she ignored it, of course, since facts are pesky things. Anyway, pay your hunka hunka burnin' respects here, darlin'. Thankyuhvrrrmuch.
CHEERS to Bubbas and Bubbettes at the ballot box. Way down yonder in the banjo-on-my-knee state, Alabama held its Senate primary yesterday, offering four Republican choices to replace Attorney General and grandpa-who-always-smells-like-Rolaids Jeff Sessions: the one with crazy ideas who wants to drag us back to the dark ages, the one with crazier ideas who wants to drag us back to the dark ages, the one with slightly less crazy ideas who still wants to drag us back to the dark ages, and Roy Moore, who literally invented crazy ideas and the dark ages. Since none of them got more than 50 percent, there will be a runoff (Strange vs. Moore) in September, and the winner will face Democrat and U.S. Attorney Doug Jones in December. Anyone know if Santa is taking requests for early Christmas presents?
CHEERS to riding the rails. 118 years ago today, in 1898,Edwin Prescott patented his design for a "roller coaster." Followed the next day by a patent for "Ye Olde Hurl Bucket."
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 16, 2007
JEERS to stupid Republican tricks. Manly Mitt Romney---whose hands, we hear, soak in Calgon for no less than 30 minutes a day---dipped a thimble into his $250 million fortune and purchased a first-place finish in the Iowa Straw Poll. He bussed and bribed a Herculean 31.6 percent of the attendees to push the Diebold voting machine button marked "FREE FOOD." In the general election I hear we'll all get a Lexus.
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And just one more…
JEERS to the wisdom of the future neocon. Twenty-three years ago this brilliant comment was made and then greeted with sweets and flowers by the speaker's party members and corporate admirers:
“Once you got to Iraq and took it over---took down Saddam Hussein's government---then what are you going to put in its place?
That's a very volatile part of the world, and if you take down the central government of Iraq, you could very easily end up seeing pieces of Iraq fly off. Part of it, the Syrians would like to have to the west. Part of it---eastern Iraq---the Iranians would like to claim; they fought over it for eight years. In the north you've got the Kurds, and if the Kurds spin loose and join with the Kurds in Turkey then you threaten the territorial integrity of Turkey.
It's a quagmire if you go that far and try to take over Iraq.
Barack Obama? John Kerry? Elizabeth Warren? Nope. It was Dick Cheney…in 1994. Bad Dick should've listened to Good Dick. [Rolls up newspaper] [WhapWhapWhap!] Bad, bad Dick...bad!
Happy humpday. Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Yes, Cheers and Jeers Is Worth the Hype (Trust Those Who Have Read One)
---Space.com
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