From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE
In Honor of Indigenous Peoples’ Day, an FU to Whatzisface:
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And one other tidbit you may not have learned in school: Columbus’s ships had shitty buffets.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, October 8, 2018
Note: Anyone have an instruction manual for operating a steamroller? Specifically, how to get it out of reverse? Text me...quickly.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the November 6 midterm elections: 29
Days 'til the 40th annual Tulsa Oktoberfest: 8
Percent of 15-26 year-old men and women, respectively, who say they've been the victims of cyberbullying, according to a new AP-NORC poll: 3%, 11%
Percent of Americans who approve and disapprove, respectively, of the Republican daylight robbery of the middle class disguised as a middle-class tax cut, according to Pew Research: 36%, 46%
Estimated number of people who have died in selfie-related accidents since 2012: 259
Rank of India among countries with the highest number of selfie deaths: #1
Percent chance the Houston city council just banned sex robot brothels: 100%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Say cheeeeez…
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JEERS to Justice Boof McFFFF. As we all knew they would, Republicans and Democrat Joe Manchin (who still needs to get elected if we want a chance of taking over the chamber, as infuriating as that fact is), by the slimmest margin possible, confirmed a Federalist Society robot to the Supreme Court, jeopardizing every aspect of society that doesn’t coddle to capitalist grifters or religious wackos. A little perspective from Joan McCarter:
This isn't a failure of Democrats. It's McConnell & Grassley breaking the Senate, McGahn breaking the FBI, and all of them helping Trump burn all the institutions down. It's the total moral collapse of the GOP (minus Murkowski and plus Manchin), the total capitulation to Trump. Not even capitulation. Collaboration.
As for Susan Collins (R-My State), the senator responsible for the deciding vote that put the first alleged sex offender and blackout drunk (that we know of) on the high court: I sure don’t see her running in 2020, given the atrocious decisions that the court will hand down just in time to be hung around her neck. And the numbers became instantly perilous---for the first time ever---the moment she sold out to every woman in America:
What will she do in retirement? I'm not sure, but if she's taking suggestions I'd recommend taking a long walk off a short pier.
CHEERS to friendly visits from friendly visitors. It's no secret that Trump's EPA is now in the process of doing to the environment what Trump did to hookers and porn stars. But late last week Obama's second EPA head Gina McCarthy stopped in Portland, Maine with a bullhorn to deliver a message of hope and perspective. As the Portland Press Herald reports…
McCarthy said the Obama administration “followed the law” when it developed regulations---including the Clean Power Plan that sought to impose the first federal limits on carbon dioxide emissions nationwide---that were based on years of science and unprecedented outreach.
“Let me tell you something: an announcement in the Rose Garden doesn’t mean anything. … What means something is final rules of the United States of America, and when you do them right, you can’t undo them with a Rose Garden announcement. You can’t absolve the United States of America from its responsibility to be part of the international community.” […]
“The one good thing about today is that while they want to toss everything up in the air, it’s still stuck to their fingers because they don’t know how to do it,” McCarthy said. “They are not getting it right. Every time they try to roll things back or delay, the courts are whacking them right back at them. As long as this ping-pong continues, we won’t make progress at the federal level, I understand that. But it ain’t going to be rolled back.”
One other interesting revelation. You remember successor Scott Pruitt's $25,000 "cone of silence" that he just had to have to prevent anyone from hearing his most confidential communications? Disguised with a mustache and glasses, Gina actually installed it, and then listened in to his conversations through a filling in her lower left molar. Yup, you guessed it: she heard nothing but phone sex.
JEERS to Bovines of Mass Destruction. On this date in 1871, the Great Chicago Fire broke out after Nancy Pelosi kicked over a lantern in Mrs. O'Leary's barn to try and incinerate damning evidence proving that George Soros created the deep state to steal the 2018 midterm elections. Or, if you prefer the non-Breitbart News version: it was a cow. Despite the horrific damage and loss of life, there was a bright side: the T-bones were excellent that night.
JEERS to hot air over hot air. A story broke last week that sounded like a media-wide "Gotcha!" moment against the libs and their hippie "wind power" fantasies. Sample headline from Fox News: Wind Farms Are Warming The Earth, Researchers Say. Yeah---two Harvard researchers wanted to find out what might happen if all of our energy needs were handled by wind power. The clickbait media played up the "Oh noes, global warming!" angle, of course. But, as you've already guessed, there's more to the story. Writes Forbes' science guy Michael Marshall:
[Lee] Miller and [David]Keith estimate that this many wind turbines would heat up the surface area over the continental US by 0.24°C. … For starters, that warming is only occurring over the US---a rather small fraction of the Earth's surface. It would take much more energy to warm the entire planet's surface by 0.24°C.
But that is almost beside the point, because the wind turbines are not generating extra heat. Instead, they are moving the existing heat around. Normally, the air just above the ground cools at night, but the rotating turbine blades draw down warmer air from higher up. So things get warmer just under the turbines at night while they're on, but they also get cooler elsewhere. The planet as a whole does not warm at all.
So you can relax. Hot air from concentrated wind isn’t going to burn up Planet Earth. Well, unless someone decides to remove the roof from the Capitol building.
JEERS to revisionist history. When John McCain kicked the bucket, everyone pointed to that one time during the 2008 campaign when he appeared to act civil. It was the moment when a batty old lady grabbed the microphone and declared Barack Obama "an Arab," McCain took the microphone back and declared, "No, ma'am, he's a decent family man." That lady's name was Gayle Quinnell, and she typified the low-information Republican automaton who wouldn’t even heed the words of the candidate she supported. In the interest of not letting the aftermath of that moment fall down the rabbit hole, here's how influential McCain's intervention was:
After the rally, Quinnell was unrepentant.
"You can't trust Barack Hussein Obama because he is a Muslim and a terrorist," she said.
TPM's Josh Marshall added at the time:
She got the idea from a pamphlet she got not from the McCain campaign but from a fellow volunteer at the local McCain headquarters, where she's a volunteer. She's been sending the pamphlet to people in her area. And she thinks that McCain really knows that Obama is Arab but didn't want to get into it with her on camera.
Meanwhile, McCain's running mate was running around spewing garbage that paved the way for the politics of Trump---grotesque incivility and a cascade of lies that the ignorant faithful lapped up like rabid dogs. And whatever became of Mrs. Quinnell? She continued living in Fact Denial Land (2018 quote on Obama’s presidency: “It seems to me since he got to be president, we’ve got more Somalians living here”), happy as a clam right up until the moment she accidentally walked off the edge of the earth. (Okay, okay, I admit it---on that point she was correct.)
CHEERS to civility. The "Complete Book of Etiquette" was first published 66 years ago, on October 8, 1952. Lesson #1: Be nice to everyone. Lesson #2: If you don’t feel like following Rule #1, aim for the shins. And have a nice day.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 8, 2008
JEERS to the mysterious ways of Wall Street. As I write this I'm watching Bush speak on my teevee. When he starts talking the Dow is down 90 points. After he says he's personally working to solve the crisis, the Dow is down 142 points. After he says other people---like, smart people---are also working on it, the Dow rises 190. When Erin Burnett appears on CNBC and flares her dimples, the Dow pauses, growls, and goes up 50 points. When she disappears and a couple old fogies with unusually large foreheads start yammering, the Dow plunges 300. When they cut to a Geico commercial starring Billy Jean King and a caveman, the Dow drops 80, but when a commercial for toilet paper comes on, the Dow shoots up 150. Conclusion: if we can get Erin and Cottonelle in the same frame, we might be okay. Can I have my Ph.D. in Business now, please?
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And just one more…
CHEERS to previews of coming attractions. Have you heard about this movie called Green Book? It stars Aragorn and Oscar winner Mahershala Ali (Moonlight), and it’s about a Bronx bouncer who drives a black concert pianist down to Dixie for a concert tour. This is 1962, mind you, and "they must rely on The Negro Motorist Green Book to guide them to the few establishments that were then safe for African-Americans. Confronted with racism, danger---as well as unexpected humanity and humor---they're forced to set aside their differences to survive." Here's the trailer:
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By the way, it's based on a true story, and it's getting absolutely smothered like biscuit gravy in rave reviews. Opens November 21st. I'll save you a seat.*
*Right in front of me so I can throw popcorn at your head. Will that be a problem?
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
It turns out Bill in Portland Maine isn't much different than the alien who starred in NBC's 1980s sitcom ALF: A pushy boor motivated mostly by his next snack.
---Chris Klimek, NPR
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