From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: Trump’s Terrorists Edition
“Immediately after the shooting, Trump told reporters how the attack in Pittsburgh could've been prevented. Spoiler alert: It’s more guns. … Yes, it’s so simple. In fact, why didn’t Jewish people have an armed guard for the past 5,000 years? Moses could’ve saved a lot of desert time if Pharaoh knew he was packing.”
---Stephen Colbert, responding to Trump's assertion that the Tree of Life Synagogue massacre would've been prevented with an armed guard
"Fact check: false! Comedians have been uniting priests, rabbis, and ministers walking into bars together for generations."
---Trevor Noah, responding to She-Wolf of the SS Kellyanne Conway's assertion that “anti-religious” late-night hosts are responsible for the rise of right-wing violence in America
"I found great solace in watching the Steelers play Sunday. Because it does feel like every day we wake up and something that we've taken for granted is gone, a norm that we thought we all agreed upon has been tossed out the window. And yet, on Sunday I got to watch the Steelers beat the Cleveland Browns, and I realized, y'know, not everything changed, which was nice."
---Seth Meyers
"A guy sent pipe bombs in an attempt to decimate the upper ranks of one of America's major political parties, and it turned out he is exactly what you thought: an angry asshole in a red hat. … He's a typical Trump loser: blames everybody else because his life sucks. That's who he is. That's the profile. Trump's biggest supporters are always some middle-age guy whose package doesn’t work."
---Bill Maher
Clip of Trump lying during Axios interview: We're the only country in the world where a person comes in, has a baby, and the baby is essentially a citizen of the United States for 85 years. It's ridiculous and it has to end.
Jimmy Kimmel: "It's ridiculous and it has to end" should be the slogan for his reelection campaign.
---Jimmy Kimmel Live
I melted down all my Halloween candy. It's now a giant multi-colored ball of goo weighing 600 pounds. Come on down and take a bite! Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, November 2, 2018
Scheduling Note: Next week is a chemo week (#3), so C&J posting will be abbreviated. We'll be here Monday morning and, if we get walloped as usual by what Big Pharma's bartender will be serving up in my bloodstream, we'll be out of action Tuesday and likely Wednesday. (Yeah, election day and the day after---greeeeat timing, oncology ward.) Back Thursday and Friday, hopefully to join in a huge blue wave celebration with my zither and clogs. As always, thanks for your patience. ---Mgt.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the midterm elections: 4
Days 'til the Northwest Chocolate Festival in Seattle: 8
Minimum number of early votes cast so far in the midterm elections: 28 million
Number of states with Medicaid expansion on the ballot next Tuesday (NE, UT, MT, ID), representing 400,000 people: 4
Date of Equal Pay Day, when Latina women catch up to what their white, male counterparts are paid, on average: 11/1/18
Number of planets the Keplar telescope discovered during its nine year run: 2,681
Years the International Space Station has been continuously staffed with astronauts (3 right now) as of today: 18
Hours of battery life on the new MacBook Air 2018: 12
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Tis the season…
-
CHEERS to Team D...as in Big-D “Diversity.” Via The New York Times, this is a collage of all the candidates running for Congress and governorships this year. Democrats on the left, Republicans on the right. But even more important, check out the bottom quadrants. Those are the candidates from each party who aren’t white men:
The Republican party looks like Trump. The Democratic party looks like America. I hope we get a little credit for that on Tuesday. Color me hopeful.
JEERS to playing your role to the bitter end. I'd file this under "dog and pony show," but that would be an insult to dogs and ponies. Yesterday those bumbling right-wing buffoons (Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman) who tried to pay women to make false rape allegations against Robert Mueller showed up in their finest silken duds at a flea-bitten motel to hold a "press conference" during which they tried to continue their charade even though their alleged accuser was a no-show. This tweet is perhaps all you need to know about how it went:
I don’t think that’ll be a problem in the future for either Mr. Burkman or Mr. Wohl. I hear prison jumpsuits don’t have zippers.
CHEERS to a very bad day for the GOP. Eighty-two years ago tomorrow, on November 3rd, 1936, FDR was re-elected in a landslide over Alf Landon by---get this---523 electoral votes to 8.
Twenty eight years later Lyndon Johnson beat Barry Goldwater 486-52. And 28 years after that Bill Clinton dispatched George H.W. Bush by a less-substantial but still impressive 370-168 margin. Grand total: 1379 to 128. And 16 years later Barack Obama destroyed John McCain 365-173. Takeaway message: revenge is a dish best served lopsided.
P.S. 70 years ago tonight:
The Tribune chose…poorly.
CHEERS to getting an extra hour of sleep. Daylight Saving Time ends at 2am Sunday. (Yes, you must stay up'til 2am to change your clocks or else DST won’t end properly and you'll have to destroy all your clocks and start over, according to the American Clock Merchants Association.) It's the usual routine: If you're a Democrat, turn your clocks back one hour. If you're a Republican, turn your clocks back 120 years.
JEERS to little green footballs. On tomorrow's date in 1952, Clarence Birdseye first marketed frozen peas. True story:
In 1912, Birdseye set out on a five-year fur-trading expedition on the Canadian peninsula of Labrador. During his time in the Arctic, Birdseye observed that Eskimos froze food in the winter, due to the challenges of procuring fresh food.
He was fascinated by their quick freezing process, which entailed using the elements—ice, wind and cold temperatures—to freeze freshly caught fish instantly. Birdseye noticed that when the fish was frozen quickly, it retained its freshness until it was thawed. Only small ice crystals formed on the fish, and its cell walls remained intact. With his scientific mind, Birdseye wondered how the quick freezing process might work on fresh vegetables and other foods.
When Birdseye returned to the United States, he invented the "Quick Freeze Machine," based on the principles he had learned from the Eskimos.
We hate peas---they're stinky, pungent and squishy, and anyone who thinks otherwise must be a socialist Marxist Agenda 21-promoting commie. Fake veggies! Sad! But we'll say this: if you're packin' a spoon, they make awesome catapult ammo at the Thanksgiving dinner table, especially if you're sitting across from Uncle Teabagger the conspiracy theorist. (Knock his MAGA hat off and Aunt Gladys will give you extra pie!)
CHEERS to home vegetation. After that grueling schedule of watching the Boston Red Sox win the World Series on TV, I need to chill out and relax this weekend with some good old-fashioned...TV!
Tonight after Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow unpack the latest Friday news dump(s), Bill Maher's talks with Barbra Streisand, Bari Weiss of the New York Times, Chelsea Handler, Jim VandeHei and ACLU executive director Anthony Romero. (But we’ll also be taping Lawrence O’Donnell’s interview with Michael Moore at 10.) New home video releases include nothing remarkable, but you can check out the list. The NFL schedule is here, the NHL schedule is here, and the NBA schedule is here. Tomorrow night on MSNBC, Lawrence O’Donnell hosts a live election special, featuring an exclusive interview with Capt. Chesley Sullenberger, a lifelong Republican who is now urging every American to vote Democratic next Tuesday. Jonah Hill hosts SNL. On 60 Minutes: Beto O’Rourke rides a grassroots wave in Texas, First responders learn how to treat battlefield-like wounds as America rides its sicko wave of mass shootings, and Garrett McNamara rides an actual 78-foot ocean wave in Portugal. A self-driving car company sets up shop in Springfield on The Simpsons. And John Oliver wraps up the weekend at 11 by exposing the parasites under another rock on HBO's Last Week Tonight.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: TBA
Face the Nation: Sec. of State Mike Pompeo, who wants to forbid State Department employees from using the phrase “sexual health.” Chance that host Margaret Brennan will ask him about it: ha ha ha percent; Sen. Mark Warner (D-VA); RNC chair Rude McNastyracist.
CNN's State of the Union: Stacey Abrams!!! Plus DNC chair Tom Perez and RNC chair Liar McPantsonfire.
This Week: Nate Silver (who, by the way, is still a registered Kossack in good standing undere the name “Poblano); Sen. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD); roundtable with Chris Christie, Donna Brazile and Matthew Dowd.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sens. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD) and Thom Tillis (R-NC); Sec. of State Mike Pompeo.
Happy viewing!
-
Ten years ago in C&J: November 2, 2008
JEERS to assholes in the spotlight. Another sign of McCain's brilliant judgment: his poster child, the guy who he thinks represents the spirit of America---yes, Joe the Plumber---is actually a representation of precisely what America doesn't stand for:
When he was just the topic du jour because of his question to Barack Obama back in the neighborhood in Ohio, that was one thing. But “Joe the Plumber” is now actively campaigning with and for John McCain, appearing on stage with him at multiple events, etc. He has become a part of McCain’s campaign, like any other surrogate. So here “Joe” is on TV just about an hour ago saying that people shouldn’t vote for Obama because he doubts Obama’s “loyalty to America”.
I guess saying Obama reminded him of Sammy Davis, Jr. wasn’t bad enough. But isn’t it time someone ask McCain whether he’s really willing to associate with this extremist?
We can't wait to read his new book when it comes out: Jackboot Licking for Dummies.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to this thing you Earthlings call...politics. As the last grains of sand slip from the top of the 2018 election hourglass to the bottom, a few words of wisdom from a few wise wordsmiths:
"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary."
---H.L. Mencken
"A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
---George Bernard Shaw
"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail."
---Will Rogers
"Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other"
---Oscar Ameringer
"In politics, stupidity is not a handicap."
---Napoleon
"The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'."
---Larry Hardiman
Unfortunately, the political kind of tick is harder to get rid of and ten times as ugly.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-