A year ago, I offered a list of awful Trump gifts that were fun to laugh at, if not actually buy. Yes, some of your Trump-loving co-workers and relatives might have been overjoyed if someone gave them a Trumpy Bear to cuddle up with, but the rest of us would rather use the teddy with the bad blond comb-over toupee as a voodoo doll pin cushion.
But that was then, and we Democrats have scored some significant electoral victories in the year since. Instead of wading through bad Trump gifts, let’s look at the many holiday offerings that lift spirits and find ways to make fun of Donald Trump.
There’s no shortage of items in many price ranges. There are insulting mugs and T-shirts galore, some proclaiming Anyone Else 2020. You might want a Christmas ornament with the heartwarming message, “All I want for Christmas is you (and Trump’s impeachment).” For your pooch, consider a Trump squeaker dog toy, although I have friends who have told me that their own dogs refused to play with a toy with such a disagreeable face.
Cafe Press offers buttons and bumper stickers with anti-Trump messages, most of them straightforward but some with humorous messages such as “Deport Trump, keep the immigrants.” Amazon offers ear protectors (labeled “bullshit protectors”) that you can fit over your ears whenever Trump is speaking.
So let’s see what Santa might have left in your stocking as a way to make the world safer for democracy. Because, let’s face it: Only Republicans get coal.
How about a Trump Countdown Clock, on sale for only $9.95? You can watch the days, hours, and seconds tick off as we get closer to Jan. 20, 2021, and a new Democratic president is inaugurated. There’s no word on if the clock can be reset if he’s impeached or if he’s forced to resign. Also, there’s the drawback of having to look at Trump’s face all the time.
The e-commerce site Etsy has its own anti-Trump gift page. You’d think Trump and Republicans would be in favor of such entrepreneurial spirit, but Trump might start issuing threats against such satirical gifts, as he did when he tweeted that he needed court protection from mean-spirited skits on Saturday Night Live. (Note to Trump: See Hustler Magazine Inc. v. Jerry Falwell, in which the Supreme Court in 1988 issued a unanimous opinion upholding the right to satirize.)
No matter; there are plenty of items to choose from. There’s the Mueller is the Man mug for only $14.95. Someone quickly started selling Individual 1 T-shirts, complete with an image of baby Trump in a diaper, for $19.
A personal favorite is a $24.95 black T-shirt with the subtle message: 44 > 45. Think back to your math days if you don’t get it right away.
Those who believe in a higher power (or at least believe in progressive values) might consider the Progressive Prayer Pillar Candles pictured above ($12.95 each or a two-pack deal for $25). The eight-inch candles feature the images of several who are doing their best to turn away the forces of evil.
Here’s how they’re described:
- Saint Mueller: Patron Saint of Indictments
- Notorious RBG: Angel of Everlasting Dissent (with dissent collar)
- Auntie Maxine: Patron Saint of Time Reclamation
- Saint Barack: Patron Saint of Competence
- Saint AOC, or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Patron Saint of Health Care for All
- Leader Pelosi: Our Lady of Perpetual Smackdown
In all seriousness, I think the best gifts are found on this list from the Guardian. Besides kitschy items that make fun of Trump, here are some practical ideas that stick it to Trump and do good at the same time.
- A National Parks pass
- A monthly donation to Planned Parenthood in Trump’s name
- Merchandise that benefits groups such as the ACLU, like a “Dissent is Patriotic” T-shirt
- Heck, donations to any environmental group, the Southern Poverty Law Center, groups that help refugees, and other progressive organizations can all be considered anti-Trump gifts
So, as Tiny Tim would say, God bless us, every one. And even though Trump doesn’t think so, that includes Democrats, all minorities, people whose voting rights were suppressed, Puerto Ricans without power, LGBT folks, Muslims, immigrants, asylum seekers, migrant children locked in cages ...