It’s official: Mitt Romney is running for Senate in … hang on, let’s check which state. Utah! Hey, he’s a Mormon, so it’s like he’s been an honorary Utahn all along, even when he was governor of Massachusetts, right?
Even shameless Mitt might just feel a little self-conscious about that one, though, because every time he says the word “Utah” in his announcement video—and that’s a lot of times—he hammers it just a little bit more. He starts off sort of normal: “Utah is admired not only for its beauty, but also for the character of its people.” But by about 55 seconds into a two minute and 19 second video, it’s “UTAH exports more than it imports,” and at 1:19 it’s “I believe I can help bring UTAH’s values and UTAH’s lessons to Washington.” Utah’s values, by the way, involve a little bit of light running as an antidote to an unnamed Donald Trump: “Utah welcomes legal immigrants from around the world; Washington sends immigrants a message of exclusion. And on UTAH’s capitol hill, people treat one another with respect.
Romney dwells on his time helping to run the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics, his 24 (!) grandchildren, and what he’s done “over the last five years” (since, you know ...)—he’s “gone back to business, campaigned for Republicans, and met with young people across the country”—but strangely missing from his biography is his primary political accomplishment, the one time he was actually elected to political office: governor of Massachusetts.
“Let there be no question,” Romney’s announcement video ends. “I will fight for Utah.” Oh, Mitt. There’s always a question when it comes to you fighting for anything except your own political ambitions.