6. How would you define the Russian word “Duma”?
a. No idea (0 pts)
b. A type of flavored vodka (5 pts)
c. Putin’s plaything (10 pts)
d. Russian for non-sexual congress (10 pts)
7. Have you ever set foot in Trump Tower?
a. No (0 pts.)
b. Yes (5 pts)
c. I can’t recall (10 pts)
8. Have you ever met Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak?
a. No (0 pts.)
b. Yes (5 pts)
c. I can’t recall (10 pts)
9. Which sentence best articulates the meaning of the phrase “obstruction of justice” to you?
a. My mother sent me to the store to buy a box of obstruction of justice. (5 pts)
b. His big head was blocking my view of Judge Judy on the TV — it was total obstruction of justice. (5 pts)
c. Hiding incriminating evidence is a good example of obstruction of justice. (0 pts)
d. Obstruction of Justice would be a great title for an album by Metallica and Guns ‘n’ Roses. (10 pts)
10. Which of the following statements best describes your attitudes toward the phrase “rule of law?”
a. It defines America. (0 pts)
b. Good luck with that! (5 pts)
c. That’s what they have in The Philippines, right? (8 pts)
d. Nobody has more respect for women than I do. (15 pts)
11. When it comes to justifying your actions, you:
a. Lash out at anyone and everyone (10 pts)
b. Accept full responsibility (0 pts)
c. Deny via Twitter (8 pts)
d. Are really sorry and thank everyone for understanding this personal matter. (8 pts)
Your Score
0-30: Relax. You don’t even need a paralegal.
30-50: A few more points, and you’ll be calling Jacoby & Meyers (no fee unless they win!). Stay out of politics and real estate and you’ll be fine.
51-to-75: Retainer City! You need to start the process — and remember two things: The walls have ears and every six minutes is billable!
Over 75: You have the right to remain silent until your lawyer gets here. To discuss plea deals.