I had a conversation with a female co-worker today about workplace bullying and disrespect because of a recent experience I had with it. A possibility exists that the person with whom I had difficulty could be placed in a position of authority over me. My female friend just started nodding, because, of course, as we see with the #metoo actions, there simply ARE no women who do not experience problems like this, and not just as a one-off!
Kathy told me about something that happened during a period when she was recovering from surgery, so her boss had to take over her duties. Correspondence that was often problematic for her went swimmingly for him, and he got a great deal accomplished in less time than she was able to. The difference - as will surprise NO woman - is that people responded to his requests for feedback and additional information, for timely uploads of critical material - in a much different way from how they respond to her.
More below.
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Shortly after, we found a story online describing this precise phenomenon. The male participant in the story, as an experiment, swapped email signatures with the female participant for a couple of weeks. To his surprise (but not hers), his work challenges multiplied. Hers all but disappeared. He said, frankly: “It fucking sucked.”
The woman had the most productive two weeks of her career, since she never had to convince clients to respect her, she didn’t have to beg for information and cooperation, she didn’t have to wade through inappropriate questions, comments and asides. He acknowledged that he wasn’t any better at the job than she was in any way, he just had “an invisible advantage.”
Interestingly, they shared the results of their experiment with their boss. He flat out refused to accept them. Just that simple.
The results are real though, and honest, as Kathy (and nearly all women!) would attest.
As he said, in his final analysis of the experiment:
Here's the real fucked-up thing: For me, this was shocking. For her, she was USED to it. She just figured it was part of her job.
So, what didn’t we find in the article?
My feeling is that the article was just intended to illuminate and document a sexist element of the workplace. Of course, the ‘gender gap’ in workplace compensation is often referenced when sexism is discussed, but what I don’t see is much discussion of this type of sexism as it applies to performance and performance evaluation. What may SEEM to be objective standards of performance favoring males are shown to be quite flawed when the relative handicaps and advantages are factored in. It’s a big, very broad fight we have.
I also found no suggestions for addressing the problem the article described. So, I came up with one that I would try, if I were the superior of a female employee facing this particular version of workplace sexism. I would send out an email to the entire audience, indicating that for the next few weeks I would be sending some emails from HER email address. No one receiving them would ever know whether it was me sending them or her. My feeling is, they would have to ASSUME that any email from her was from me, so as to ‘not make a mistake.’ And they’d never know when this practice would end, so they couldn’t assume that it HAD ended. So switching back to their disrespectful ways would involve risk. In any case, I would ask her to please share with me any and all disrespectful emails, so that they could be documented and addressed. And address them I would.
That sexism, all sexism, really, is sheer bullshit. I wouldn’t have an employee of mine subjected to it (not racism or bigotry either!), just as I wouldn’t want to be treated like that, myself. Over time the work culture MUST change. Sooner is better than later.
That, in turn, reminded me of something else. Some years ago, my sister shared with me a 2004 New York Times article about a tuberculosis outbreak in a troop of savanna baboons in Kenya. According to the article, the outbreak selectively “killed off the biggest, nastiest and most despotic males, setting the stage for a social and behavioral transformation unlike any seen in this notoriously truculent primate.”
Left behind in the troop, designated the Forest Troop, were the 50 percent of males that had been too subordinate to try dump brawling, as well as all the females and their young. With that change in demographics came a cultural swing toward pacifism, a relaxing of the usually parlous baboon hierarchy, and a willingness to use affection and mutual grooming rather than threats, swipes and bites to foster a patriotic spirit.
According to the report, the change in culture seemed to be persisting, even with the infusion of male baboons from outside the original troop. Only time will tell if the changes will last.
But the natural thought is: if baboons in the wild can effect such improvements, why can’t we?
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