WARNING: This is a silly piece of ridiculous fluff-putty, filled with frivolous nonsense, and meant for entertainment purposes only. It may annoy you if you are looking for a serious point. It also may annoy you if you’re looking for entertainment. Please proceed accordingly.
“I have broken more Elton John records, he seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record. Because you know, look I only need this space. They need much more room. For basketball, for hockey and all of the sports, they need a lot of room. We don’t need it. We have people in that space. So we break all of these records. Really we do it without like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical: the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth. Right? The brain, more important than the mouth, is the brain. The brain is much more important.”
Donald Trump 7/5/2018
He has a point….
Captain Vladimir and the Brown Nose Cowboy
Let’s compare, beginning with some numbers:
Elton John was the first artist to debut at #1 on the Billboard Top 200 Album Chart when he did so in 1975 with Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy (as well as having the second album to do so later that year with Rock of the Westies).
Vladimir Putin once gifted Donald Trump with a whole lot of #1, while Trump himself is known to be full of #2.
It doesn’t end there.
Elton John is tied for second most weeks at #1 on the Hot 100 for his double-sided single “Candle in the Wind 1997/Something About The Way You Look Tonight,” and Donald Trump came in second in the 2016 popular vote for President.
Furthermore, while Elton John was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility in 1994, Donald Trump once stood in front of a crowd of people and yelled, “Cleveland!” And while Elton John and Bernie Taupin were inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 1992, Donald Trump once stood in a hall and made a joke about Bernie Sanders.
The uncanny similarities continue….
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
For his charitable work, John was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in 1998. For his uncharitable nature, Trump received a crown of golden showers by Vladimir Putin in 2013.
Finally, in June 2008 Elton John performed his 200thshow in Caesar’s Palace. At the end of his “day long” trip to Moscow in 2013 Donald Trump got down on his knees and, using that exceptional instrument known as his mouth, performed his….
I am currently being paid $130,000 not to complete that sentence.
Tumbledweeb Connection
During one period in the mid 70s, Elton John’s stage wardrobe included ostrich feathers, $5000 spectacles that spelled his name in lights, and dressing up like the Statue of Liberty, Donald Duck, or Mozart, whereas Donald Trump’s wardrobe consists of a suit, his completely natural and totally unflappable hair, and a Black Best Supporter holding a Blacks for Trump sign seated up and over his shoulder in the bleachers behind him.
"I love the signs behind me. Blacks for Trump. I like those signs," Trump said. "Blacks for Trump. You watch. You watch. Those signs are great."
NY Daily News
This sign is Trump’s cowbell: He could always use more.
The Records
Still, with only those simple features and props, a million dollar “loan” from his father, as well as multiple “purchases of chips” by his father through the years (never to be cashed in), a life of continuous fraud, a gazillion bankruptcies, as well as the full leverage of the world’s richest man and leader of Russia, Donald Trump has somehow managed to soundly defeat Elton John in nearly every achievement.
Just look:
Most Billboard Hot 100 Top 10 Hits
38 Madonna
34 The Beatles
31 Drake
31 Rihanna
30 Michael Jackson
28 Mariah Carey
28 Stevie Wonder
28 Donald Trump
27 Janet Jackson
27 Elton John
It’s right there in Billboard magazine! (It’s there in the Never Gonna Give You Up sense of online rules of linkage, that is.)
Most Top 40 Singles
91 Drake
80 Elvis Presley (began career before Hot 100 was created)
71 Lil Wayne
69 Donald Trump
57 Elton John
The world is full of proof if you know how to add Donald Trump’s name to any list!
Tiny Dancer
We must acknowledge that Donald Trump has now finally admitted what we’ve all suspected, somehow; although it turns out to be a bit more extreme than previously believed.
I mean, of course, that similar to how Elton John sang about a Tiny Dancer, Donald Trump is constantly singing about his tiny, tiny organ. What else could it be?
He couldn’t be more obvious if he wore $5,000,000 spectacles that lit up with the word: “Obvious.”
Everything the man says is classic overcompensation and every other sentence a Freudian slip. His mouth is like a monster truck rolling coal down the highway—a sure sign of a tiny, tiny dancer, coupled with corresponding insecurity about said appendage miniscule.
Except now we learn from the quote above that, by his own Freudian admission, in fact he has no organ at all, which can be difficult for anyone, let alone a covetous, insecure, orange-tinged man like Donald Trump.
In addition there’s this:
“Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping.”
Donald Trump 7/5/2018
Sarah Huckabee Sanders and I have no further comment on THAT, thank you!
NOTE: All facts about Elton John in above paragraphs pulled from Elton John’s Wikipedia page. All chart records mentioned are from Billboard magazine. Many can be found at the Wikipedia page List of Billboard Hot 100 Chart Achievements and Milestones.