Whenever I visit Donald Trump’s Twitter feed, I feel like I need to walk through a car wash for a solid hour while a couple of trained therapy baboons vigorously loofah my thighs and shanks.
So you can already see that I’ve gone above and beyond with this diary, because this:
All types of racism? Oh, whatever could that mean? Sounds a bit like “all lives matter” to me.
Let me fix your tweet for you, Ding-Don:
The riots white supremacists in Charlottesville a year ago resulted in senseless death and division murdered an innocent woman who was fighting for racial justice and equality. We must condemn their acts and come together as a nation. I condemn all types of racism and acts of the senseless violence the alt-right caused last year. They have blood on their hands, and we cannot stand by while they continue to target people based solely on their race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or religion. Peace to ALL Americans all victims of white supremacists and neo-Nazis!
There, much better.
Of course, since he knows he’s a vile, unreconstructed racist, Trump tried to pretend in his very next tweet that he’s worked tirelessly on behalf of people of color over the past year and a half:
How exactly did you fight for these low unemployment numbers, Donald? Numbers that, only three years ago, you claimed were completely fabricated. What policies did you put in place to give people of color a leg up?
Was it scrapping Obama’s affirmative action guidelines?
Was it demoralizing people of color by attempting to delegitimize our nation’s first African-American president, or by calling every African nation a “shithole country”?
Was it harassing productive, hardworking immigrants and DACA recipients who are just trying to build better lives and feed their families?
Was it phoning in your response to the devastation in Puerto Rico?
Or was it lying in bed at 10 a.m. licking cheese off Big Mac wrappers and coasting on Barack Obama’s heroic efforts to reverse the ruinous policies of our last shithole president?
Take your time. I’ll wait.
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Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.