From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: This Is All Perfectly Normal Edition
"According to Politico, White House aides need to remind President Trump of time zones in different countries on a constant basis. He forgets that in America it’s 4 p.m., but where he is it’s 1957."
---Seth Meyers
“This is how bad at life Donald Trump is: he’s figured out a way to make black people think they have to defend Omarosa.”
---Comedian W. Kamau Bell on The Late Show
“Omarosa had to spend a year in the White House to learn that Donald Trump doesn’t know what he’s doing? I can’t wait for her next book, Donald Trump: Something’s Wrong With His Hair.”
---Trevor Noah
”It’s hard to know who to trust on this one: do we believe the lying, unhinged, backstabbing reality TV star, or do we believe Omarosa?”
---Jimmy Kimmel
"We finally learned about the Space Force chain of command. According to Trump, it’ll go: E.T., Yoda, then Groot.”
---Jimmy Fallon
“According to a new article, Donald Trump Jr. and his girlfriend, former Fox News anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle, have cute new nicknames for each other. He refers to her as Pooh Bear and she refers to him as Junior Mint. I guess Junior Mint will do until he gets his soon-to-come nickname, Federal Inmate #7544.”
---James Corden
And one year ago, in the wake of the deadly Charlottesville Nazi riot:
"It was truly a weekend of horrifying images. We saw Nazi flags and marchers carrying torches---tiki torches, by the way, because nothing says 'white nationalist' like faux-Polynesian kitsch. ... I have to say, David Duke and the Nazis really seem to like Donald Trump. Which is weird because Nazis are a lot like cats: if they like you, it's probably because you're feeding them."
---John Oliver
And this just in: the midterm elections are on Tuesday, November 6th. You have 81 days to clear your schedule. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, August 17, 2018
Note: C&J reminds you to ask your doctor if throwing your shoe at the TV when a drug commercial comes on is right for you.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Star Wars Episode IX opens: 490
Days 'til the San Diego Spirits Festival: 8
Percent of Americans who believe it is never acceptable for a presidential campaign to obtain information on a political opponent from a hostile foreign power, according to a Quinnipiac University poll: 79%
Number of Americans who depend on insulin to control their blood sugar: 7 million
Cost of a vial of Humalog insulin in 1996 and today, respectively, due to rising greed costs, according to NBC News: $21, $320
Days Yosemite National Park was closed because of wildfires: 20
Estimated worth of the first Ford Mustang sold (made in 1964), which is still in the hands of its original owner: $350,000
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Final Ryder Cup selection is made…
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CHEERS to keeping our boom-booms in their holsters and garages. With only three months until Cadet Bone Spurs' grand vanity parade of military hardware was set to destroy the pavement in Washington, D.C., word leaked out that the world's greatest dealmaker was, in fact, among the most incompetent:
On Thursday, multiple outlets reported that President Donald Trump's military parade has been postponed. “Breaking: Pentagon says the military parade---requested by the President and originally scheduled for Veterans Day---will be postponed,” CNN’s Jim Sciutto tweeted out.
Earlier today, NBC reported the costs of the parade had skyrocketed [from $12 million to $97 million]. The reason for the parade’s postponement by the Pentagon has not yet been announced.
I know the exact reason for the massive failure: Donald Trump was in charge of it.
P.S. Bored with all the winning yet?
JEERS to spitting in the face of sick people. Last fall voters overwhelmingly approved the expansion of Medicaid here in Maine as many other states have done in connection with the Affordable Care Act. But our teabag governor Paul LePage---thankfully in office for only five more months---has hoisted his middle finger to the voters, the legislature's bipartisan funding bill, and a Superior Court ruling (which he's appealing) against him. And now he's taking his war on health care directly to the low-income people who need it by telling them, essentially, to go f*ck themselves:
The LePage administration is rejecting applications for Medicaid from people who became newly eligible for the program under an expansion approved by voters last fall, according to documents and a progressive advocacy group that is suing the state. […]
About 70,000 Mainers would be eligible for Medicaid under expansion, including low-income childless adults and parents who were previously ineligible for coverage. […]
Maine would draw down more than $500 million annually in federal funds to pay for health coverage. Medicaid operates in Maine under the name MaineCare.
LePage has consistently opposed Medicaid expansion, arguing that it would be financially disastrous for the state.
Yeah. And something else LePage consistently does: gets his facts wrong. He really should go to a doctor and get his brain looked at. Did I say doctor? I meant Roto-Rooter specialist in a hazmat suit.
CHEERS to the Lady from Plains. Happy birthday to former First Lady and always-amazing human being Rosalynn Carter, who gets 91 candles on her cake tomorrow. While we were at Netroots Nation last year, we noticed the Atlanta Journal Constitution interviewed her as she approached her 90th:
“I’ve had a great life,” Carter said in her office at the Carter Center in Atlanta, where large windows afford a view of the grounds and the shelves are filled with books and photos.
“I’ve watched my family grow, I’ve traveled around the world and I’ve had a chance to contribute some, I think.” […]
Yet nothing may top what she describes as her most memorable birthday.
“My staff gave me a ride in the Goodyear Blimp,” Carter recalled near the end of the interview. “They had to draw straws for who would go with me because we couldn’t get everybody in. I had a great birthday!”
That was her 51st birthday, her second one in the White House.
How nice that her husband is still cancer-free after that terrible scare a few years back so they can enjoy their usual birthday tradition tomorrow by stealing a Harley and going on a multi-state bank robbing spree with Jimmy in the sidecar and Lord help anyone who gets in their way. Kids these days…
CHEERS to Grrrl Power. Ninety-eight years ago tomorrow, on August 18, 1920, the 19th Amendment to the Constitution---giving women the right to vote---was ratified. That's right---you menfolk ratified the Constitution in 1788 and it only took you 132 years to get your asses off the couch and make this act of equality a reality. Now if you'll just takeout the garbage and fix the kitchen sink, you might get some nookie.
CHEERS to today's edition of "Congratulations, Governor Cynthia Nixon!" Courtesy of CNN:
New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo said America "was never that great" during a speech on Wednesday. [...]
"We're not going to make America great again. It was never that great," Cuomo, a Democrat, remarked at a bill signing event in New York City. The comment was met by an audible reaction from the crowd.
This has been today's edition of "Congratulations, Governor Cynthia Nixon!"
CHEERS to going for a little spin. On August 17, 1982 the first commercially produced compact discs were cranked out at a plant in Hanover, Germany, eventually causing vinyl record sales to plummet. (Bragging rights go to ABBA, whose “The Visitors” was lucky pressing #1.) Today CD sales have plummeted as digital music takes over. But sales of vinyl records are continuing their years-long resurgence because of their richer sound and retro snaps, crackles and pops. I still remember the first LP I owned, at the age of six---a record of classic symphonic works for kids that came sealed with a long red wooden "baton." I spent a lot of hours wildly stabbing at the air while leading my invisible orchestra in the living room---and nearly poking my family's eyes out. Needless to say, my career as a guest conductor has been spotty at best. But if you’re in the area, I’m leading the Squirrel Philharmonic in the 1812 Overture on the porch roof next Saturday. Tickets are just 10 cashews each. For an extra five, we’ll let you take shelter in our basement when the cannons start going off.
CHEERS to home vegetation. I'm thinking this might be a weekend where it's better to turn off the tube and instead crank up the Aretha on the Victrola. But she'll be on the TV all weekend, too, with tributes that begin with ABC's 20/20 tonight and conclude Sunday on 60 Minutes.
Also: on HBO's Real Time tonight at 10, Bill Maher talks with former U.S. attorney Preet Bharara, former Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm, journalist Jonathan Swan (Axios), conservative radio host Charlie Sykes and comedian Adam Conover. New home video releases include Avengers: To Infinity and Beyond. The baseball schedule is here. (The Red Sox will win their 874th and 875th games of the season.) On 60 Minutes: the aforementioned Aretha tribute and more details on the chemical attacks in Syria. Sunday at 8 (NBC), you can start feeding your 2020 Olympic fever with the Women's Gymnastics Championships. God only knows what indignity Sasha Baron Cohen will convince some thick-headed Republican to perform on Who Is America (Sunday, 10:15, Showtime). And John Oliver weighs in on Omarosa's frontal assault on the White House at 11 on HBO's Last Week Tonight. (I tried to buy her book this afternoon, but our local bookstores are plumb sold-out.)
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Former CIA Director John Brennan; columnist Eugene Robinson.
This Week: TBA
Face the Nation: Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY); Democratic candidate Jennifer Wexton, who is seeking to unseat Rep. Barbara Comstock in Virginia’s 10th district.
CNN's State of the Union: Gov. Steve Bullock (D-MT); National Security leaders James Clapper, Lisa Monaco, and Michael Hayden.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Former Joint Chiefs of Staff head Michael Mullen; Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI).
MSNBC’s A.M. Joy: More in-depth coverage on more issues than any of the above.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 17, 2008
JEERS to saint snatchers. In Lowell Massachusetts, someone made off with a piece of bone belonging to the Apostle Andrew. Having exhausted their list of suspects, police are combing the area looking for suspicious mounds next to dog houses. Oh, baaad puppy.
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And just one more…
As in, wish we coulda had just one more day with America’s Queen:
As for where Franklin herself hoped her hat would end up? “She told me she wanted it at the Barack Obama Presidential Library, and I think that is exactly where it should be,” [designer Luke] Song told Page Six. “[Franklin] loved Obama, I know, and I personally couldn’t think of any better place for it.”
---Page Six
Some people need a lot of words to sum up their legacies. Not her. She needs just nine: Aretha Franklin was the Aretha Franklin of Aretha Franklins.
Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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