From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Good Morning
We've got a busier-than-average week ahead, what with the fourth (fifth?) Democratic debate, hours of must-see witness testimony in the impeachment hearings, budget warfare, climate crisis calamities, and god knows what fresh poo the Executive Branch will decide to throw at us. It's like my Aunt Gladys always said: "It's like jumping from the frying pan into the fire while suckin' on a soldering iron during a hot flash in Hell." Yes, she was always drunk when she always said it.
So this morning let's just start out with a simple greeting to the new week with help from our special guest, the 44th president:
And, for balance, a special greeting from the 45th:
One more thing before we begin. Although it’s been said many times, many ways: Merry Infrastructure Week to you.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, November 18, 2019
Note: America is not "going up in smoke," "going down the tubes," "driving into a ditch" or "falling off a cliff." We are, however, “circling the drain." Please update your records accordingly. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Iowa caucus, which Pete Buttigieg is currently tearing to shreds: 77
Days 'til the Downtown Boise War on Christmas Tree Lighting: 11
Percent of Americans, according to Ipsos/Reuters polling, who say they watched, read, or heard something about the impeachment hearings last week: 68%
Percent of them who say they became more supportive of and less supportive of, respectively, impeachment: 41%, 25%
Percent of U.S. Christian evangelicals who identify as "pro choice," according to polling firm Magid: 40%
Percent who believe abortion should be illegal in all cases: 25%
Percent of Americans planning to have their Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant this year, according to WalletHub: 9%
Totally Random NFL Score
New England Patriots 17 Philadelphia Eagles 10
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Today marks fifteen years since the first appearance of C&J's now legendary puppy pic. And I have to say, in that decade-and-a-half we've never seen anything like this…
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CHEERS to our top story of the day. After being kidnapped, stabbed, shot, poisoned, thrown off a bridge, and forced to watch movies directed by Kirk Cameron...
On today’s RBG schedule: morning meetings with clerks, light paperwork, first draft of a majority opinion, and a few biceps curls out in the parking lot with the Elena Kagen’s Studebaker.
CHEERS to a busy week ahead. Enjoy today’s relative peace and quiet while you can, kids. Starting tomorrow the fire hose of news gets turned up to 11. On Wednesday we've got the Democratic candidates debate (10 candidates, plus that Williamson lady chanting with her crystals in the back row to try and jinx them all, and it’s just crazy enough to work). And Tuesday through Thursday more shoes and bombshells will drop as a revolving door of important witnesses give their public testimony in the impeachment hearings. Here's the cast of characters—eight in all—you'll see sipping water, adjusting their microphone, and taking sledgehammers to the Trump crime syndicate's no-longer-secret Ukraine operation:
Tuesday Mike Pence Adviser Jennifer Williams
Former National Security Counsel aide Lt. Colonel Alexander Vindman
Former special envoy to Ukraine Kurt Volker
National Security Counsel aide Tim Morrison
Wednesday U.S. Ambassador to the European Union and Trump BFF Gordon Sondland, who has changed his story three times already
Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense Laura Cooper
Undersecretary of State for political affairs David Hale
Thursday Former White House Russia expert Fiona Hill
Or as Trump will call them when he intimidate-tweets during their testimony: "Wacky Williams," "Windy Vindy," "Kooky Kurt," "Less is Morrison," "Million Dollar Turncoat Sondland," "Loopy Laura," "Hateful Hale," and "Flailing Fiona." In the distance, as usual, Ivanka will be privately appalled.
CHEERS to an early Mardi Gras. Down yonder in redder-than-red state Louisiana, a very strange thing happened over the weekend. A Republican candidate named—[Checks notes]—Crazy Codger Moneybags was supposed to breeze to an easy win over incumbent Democrat John Bel Edwards in the governor's race. President Donald Trump had flown down three times to campaign for Moneybags, and GOP money fell from the sky like powdered sugar on a freshly-baked beignet. Hell, even Chuck Todd was lickin' his chops so he could use Moneybags' win to claim that Democratic impeachment hearings in DC were causing a backlash in the several states:
But—funny story—it turns out that all that Trump stumpin' and money flowin' and Chuck Todd wishin' and hopin' couldn’t seal the deal:
On Saturday,Democrat John Bel Edwards won a second term as governor of Louisiana by defeating wealthy Republican Eddie Rispone. Edwards is the first Democratic chief executive to claim a second consecutive term since Edwin Edwards in 1975, as well as the first incumbent governor to ever win a runoff. […]
With his victory, Democrats will maintain control of the one statewide office they still hold in the entire Deep South. Republicans have also have fallen short in their attempt to win a supermajority in the state House, meaning Democrats will be able to sustain Edwards’ vetoes.
With Andy Beshear's win in Kentucky two weeks ago, that gives Democrats two-out-of-three gubernatorial wins in deep red states, and Republicans only one (the state whose official banner is still emblazoned with the confederate battle flag). And with that behind us, there's really only one thing left to say: please proceed, Chairman Schiff. Right, Chuck?
JEERS to the hunchback of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Forty-six years ago this week, in 1973, floundering President Richard Nixon uttered his immortal words: "People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook."
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And to prove he wasn't a crook, Gerald Ford shielded him with a "full and unconditional pardon" after Nixon resigned rather than face impeachment for crooky things like high crimes and misdemeanors. Trust me: the less you think about it, the more it makes sense.
CHEERS to leveling the playing field, JEERS to not leveling it enough. After evil Republicans in North Carolina drew up congressional district maps that resulted in "the most extreme gerrymander ever passed in the modern era," the courts ordered new, fairer maps reflecting the fact that the state is only slightly right-of-center, not off-the-charts conservative as the GOP would have you believe. So Friday they passed new district maps, and there's good news and bad news: the bad news is, they're still lopsidedly-favorable to Republicans, so it's back to court to try and fix that. But even if nothing changes, Daily Kos Elections guru Stephen Wolf says…
Democrats would still be practically guaranteed to gain two seats.
However, since the plaintiffs are opposing the new map, North Carolina could end up with a court-drawn replacement that could see Democrats gain three seats and potentially have a chance to pull off an upset in a fourth GOP-held district if the plaintiffs prevail.
The plaintiffs will try to sway the judge with facts, figures, detailed maps and air-tight logic. And if that doesn’t work, they'll go to Plan B: warm cookies.
JEERS to drinking the Kool-Aid (as in, really drinking the Kool-Aid, except perhaps not, which I'll explain in a moment). There's a paragraph in the late Randy Shilts's brilliant book, The Mayor of Castro Street: The Life and Times of Harvey Milk, that reveals the Rev. Jim Jones' influence in San Francisco politics (Mayor Moscone actually made him chairman of the city Housing Authority, if you can believe that) during the mid-70s, before he moved his sheeple to Guyana:
"Make sure you're always nice to the Peoples Temple," [Milk] admonished [campaign volunteer Tory Hartmann].
"If they ask you to do something, do it, and then send them a note thanking them for asking you to do it.
They're weird and they're dangerous, and you never want to be on their bad side."
No shit. Today is the 41st anniversary of the infamous Jonestown massacre. At least 900 followers drank grape Flavor Aid (not Kool-Aid) laced with cyanide. Time's cover said it all: Cult of Death. By the way, what's the difference between the Jones cult and the Republican party? What Republicans are forcing down our throat is killing all of us.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 18, 2009
CHEERS to a bouncing baby bill! The tones were hushed in the Capitol last night as Harry Reid brought out the infant healthcare reform bill wrapped in a swaddling hospital gown and gently laid it in a bed of cotton balls, where it cooed and gurgled and coiled its tiny fingers around its—my goodness—rather robust (if opt-out-able) public option. And no sign of Stupak syndrome, says Senator Kirsten Gillibrand:
"While this bill is not perfect, the anti-choice measure that was included in the House bill is not contained in the Senate bill. The House's Stupak amendment would have resulted in grave risk to women and girls, particularly to low-income women. Denying a full range of reproductive services is not only discriminatory, but also dangerous, and puts the lives of women and girls at risk.
Now comes the hard part: raising it to adulthood without dropping it on its head. Which is easier said than done. They don't call it the "Butterfingers Chamber" for nothin'.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to historic finds. Come and listen to a story about a man named Bill, A poor Kos blogger livin' over landfill. Then one day he was workin' in the grass, and up through the ground came a chunk of old glass.
No foolin'. Back behind the garage there's a little strip of land about 20 feet long and 10 feet wide, and everything from square nails to shards of hand-painted pottery have worked their way up through the soil over the decades. But nothing like what appeared Friday afternoon when I was rakin' leaves: an intact bottle of Burrill's Tooth Powder made by the New England Laboratory Company in Lynn Massachusetts. Cleaned up real nice:
Best we can tell, the product was first created in 1908, patented in June of 1915, and sold for 25 cents. The advertising slogan: "Makes the teeth clean, white and beautiful." It was even featured in a 1914 issue of The Trained Nurse and Hospital Review and on a Dorchester billboard in 1910. The only thing missing is the tin twist-on cap. The original bottles were corked, and we're guessing they upgraded during the 1920s. So we peg this little bit of oral history at around 90 years. My point of all this? To make you forget about politics for half a minute. Mission accomplished. Now I’m going back to bed.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“I think that if you are not moved by Cheers and Jeers by Bill in Portland Maine today, you don’t have a pulse."
—Chris Wallace
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