Like most pregnant people, knowing what’s going on with my developing baby helps me better connect to them. So I spend a lot of time googling fetal development online. When do the limbs move? When can the fetus hear? What’s happening inside the baby’s brain? The weekly updates from pregnancy sites, however, contain very little actual scientific research about the baby or how to stay healthy. Instead, they all share one thing in common: they caution me not to gain too much weight.
The U.S. has the worst maternal mortality rate in the developed world, and my state leads the nation in maternal deaths. Weight has nothing to do with these deaths, most of which are due to institutional and provider factors, and almost all of which are preventable. Yet rather than educate women about how to have healthy pregnancies, rather than teach them how to demand quality care from a broken healthcare system, we only consistently offer them one thing: body shame.
It’s because we collectively believe we own the bodies of pregnant people. The desire to control pregnant bodies doesn’t end with the picket line outside of abortion clinics. It extends to every aspect of prenatal care. And if we think we own pregnant women, we might as well force them to conform to an unrealistic and dangerous standard of beauty. When you’re a woman, there’s no break from fatphobia, body shaming, and the demand to fit a narrow definition of beauty—even when you’re nurturing a human life.
How We Degrade and Abuse Pregnant Bodies
During my first pregnancy, I was stunned by how comfortable people felt commenting on my body. I recoiled in horror when people touched my stomach in the grocery store, and when a colleague addressed me with, “Hey, fatty!” No one ever warned me that, as soon as you’re pregnant, you cease to be a person in the eyes of society. And like most widespread social problems, if you don’t know the problem is political, you think it’s personal. Maybe I really was “fat,” or unattractive, or doing pregnancy wrong.
By the end of that pregnancy, I knew that the desire to demean and control pregnant people is just another extension our desire to control women. Someone bringing forth life into the world is an inherently powerful position. They’re evolution in action. They’re doing things we once thought were mystical and magical. And since we don’t want women to feel or be powerful, since we want men to have control, it’s important to tear down pregnant women.
I stopped gasping when people grabbed my stomach. I grabbed theirs, too, and watched them gasp. I began referring to the colleague who called me fatty as fatty. When men made negative comments about my body, I made negative remarks about theirs. I stopped taking the abuse and started dishing it back out. And this pregnancy, when a provider lectured me for gaining three whole pounds during my first trimester, I fired her (she actually did a number of other appalling things, which is exactly what I would expect from someone who thinks that weight-shaming is appropriate during pregnancy).
I’d like to tell you that when I began turning the tables, things changed. We all want a story of triumph. But that’s not what happened. Instead, people became more abusive. Those “nice” and “funny” and “well-meaning” comments and belly grabs are none of those things. When you attempt to stop them, people respond with rage. Just like how men who catcall women say it’s a compliment, but then become aggressive or even violent when women push back. It’s all part of the same misogynist social landscape: women are public property.
It’s Not About Health; It’s About Shame
I see it everywhere now: on every pregnancy advice page, there’s a reminder not to gain “too much weight,” but there’s no advice on healthy eating. Not one mainstream pregnancy site that mentions weight gain also mentions protein intake recommendations. There’s almost never any mention of domestic violence, even though the leading cause of death among pregnant people is homicide. I see nothing about how to advocate for oneself in medical settings, even though 90% of pregnant people receive at least one medically unnecessary intervention and unnecessary c-sections are a leading cause of maternal deaths.
The message here is clear: we’re not really concerned about pregnant people’s weight. We’re concerned about treating them as objects of public consumption. What matters most when you’re a woman is that you remain aesthetically pleasing. Low self-esteem in the quest for aesthetic perfection is a feature, not a bug, because that low self-esteem makes it easier for a patriarchal society to control you.
Most pregnant people do not gain the recommended weight during pregnancy. Public health agencies have responded by asserting that we need to double down on efforts to stop “excessive” weight gain. While eating poorly and not exercising are risk factors for negative pregnancy outcomes, weight gain alone is not. And if we were really concerned about weight gain as a health issue, we’d focus a lot more on healthy eating.
One recent study found that most pregnant people face weight shame. Contrary to the stated intentions of weight shamers, these comments increased the risk of negative pregnancy outcomes. They also caused pregnant people to gain more weight. I covered a similar 2015 study that found people were more likely to gain weight when loved ones made comments about their bodies.
Pregnant People Are Not Public Property
We don’t talk enough about the abuse pregnant people face, just as we don’t talk enough about the high rate at which American hospitals are killing people who give birth. Mothers’ issues just don’t attract as much attention. It’s time for that to change. Most women eventually become mothers. They shape the next generation. If they feel bad about themselves and powerless over their bodies, that extends down the generations. Abuse of pregnant people matters, whether they’re being grabbed by strangers, told they’re fat, or forced by doctors into medical procedures they don’t want.
The right to control one’s body does not end with abortion. Pregnant people belong to themselves. They are not public property. It’s time we stop treating them like they are.
Comments are closed on this story.