One of the NNNE Investigative Team Working In Taxis™ was fortunate enough to retrieve this document after jumping into a cab Rudy Giuliani had just exited. He also found several of Rudy’s phones, his pants and two empty fifths of vodka which were turned over to the cab driver. Rather than subjecting you to the full depravity of the complete document we are just reproducing the Table of Contents. What’s rather surprising and depressing is just how honest they appear to be when they think no one is looking. I have taken the liberty of replacing the pictures of tRump that appeared in the original document with some content that I feel is more appropriate.
Committee to Reelect the Utter Disaster
Manual for Paid Campaign Workers
Not for distribution to persons who have not signed the personal fealty oath and non-disclosure agreement with Donald J tRump and especially not to people who believe anything the president says
Confidential — Sharing of the document with out approval from the Office of the President is strictly forbidden.
Table of Contents
Part One — How to puff up tRump’s very thin list of accomplishments
- Repeat any dubious claims tRump makes about his accomplishments as if they were written in stone and handed down from God
- Give tRump excessive amounts of extra credit for any marginal thing he had anything to do with
- Claim credit for things that never happened
- Claim credit for things other people did
- Blame others for any of the thousands of mistakes tRump has made
Part Two — Making a pretense of Democracy
- Pretend that Donald tRump makes sense
- Pretend that debunked conspiracy theories are completely true
- Pretend that Donald tRump is a devout Christian
- Pretend that Donald tRump know what he’s doing and has a coherent plan
- Pretend that Donald tRump is tough on Russia/Turkey/North Korea/Saudi Arabia/etc
- Pretend that Donald tRump is not suffering from obvious cognitive decline
- Call anyone who challenges of disagrees with tRump a never-tRumper or a socialist
- Pretend that all the sexist stuff said is just Locker Room talk
Part Three — Regarding Impeachment
- He didn’t do it
- He is to stupid to have done it (only in emergencies)
- That’s just tRump being tRump
- He did it. So what?
- It’s not in the Constitution, so it’s not impeachable
- No Collusion
- Claim the process is unfair
- Claim the fact witnesses didn’t say what they said
- Claim tRump was not permitted to mount a defense
Part Four — Dealing with the media
- Never answer a question directly
- Always blame an underling when tRump is caught red-handed
- Repeat debunked conspiracy theories
- Repeat debunked talking points from Barr or Nunes summaries
- Distort and misinterpret statistics to make tRump look slightly less incompetent
- Lie and lie some more
Part Five — Suppress and subvert the vote
- Purge voters
- Move polling locations to inconvenient locations
- Use social media to depress the democratic turnout
- Alter the results if we can get away with it
- Get help from Russia
Conclusion — If the race is close, claim fraud and refuse to give up power
arhpdx sat in for Goodie this morning and put together a heck of a GNR retrospective. Please go read it: Good News Roundup for Saturday, Dec. 28, 2019: Best of 2019