No doubt you’ve seen some of these stories, but dollars to donuts you haven’t seen them all. Some of them positively begged me to add my own editorial photoshop.
Starting with Trump the comedian, this became my pinned tweet of the day:
Above: 617 views on Twitter.
Read the whole stream of consciousness rant and try to come to a psychiatric diagnosis:
The light bulb — they got rid of the light bulb that people got used to. The new bulb is many times more expensive and — I hate to say it — it doesn’t make you look as good. Of course, being a vain person, that’s very important to me. It’s like — it gives you an orange look. I don’t want an orange look. Has anyone noticed that? So we’ll have to change those bulbs in at least a couple rooms where I am in the White House. … We have a situation where we’re looking very strongly at sinks and showers. And other elements of bathrooms — where you turn the faucet on, in areas where there’s tremendous amounts of water, where the water rushes out to sea because you could never handle it — and you don’t get any water. You turn on the faucet and you don’t get any water. They take a shower and water comes dripping out, just dripping out, very quietly, dripping out. People are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once. They end up using more water. So EPA is looking at that very strongly, at my suggestion. You go into a new building, or a new house or a new home, and they have standards where you don’t get water. You can’t wash your hands practically, so little water comes out of the faucet. And the end result is you leave the faucet on and it takes you much longer to wash your hands. .. For the most part. you have many states where they have so much water, it comes down — it’s called rain. They don’t know what to do with it. … A lot of things we do are based on common sense. If I didn’t get elected you wouldn’t have a steel industry. … We weren’t going to have a steel industry.
Then there was this under Dept. of We Need A Better Phrase Than You Can’t Make This Shit Up:
Here’s what Ursula Faw wrote on PolitiZoom where she is a regular author. She is a former radio newscaster and talk show host. She's also a law school graduate who did legal writing and trial preparation the last twenty years of her career. She used to post frequently (over 1,300 stories) on Daily Kos but her most recent story here was in February.
I will take a leap of faith here and assume that Trump doesn’t know the difference between childbirth and abortion. Or, maybe it’s more prudent to be cynical and judge this whack-a-mole comment as the logical extension of the GOP’s paternalistic dictatorship over women’s reproductive organs. With Trump’s call to ban childbirth in the ninth month of gestation, everything women do would be illegal — preventing pregnancy, terminating pregnancy, going through with pregnancy. If giving birth in the ninth month is going to be deemed illegal, man, are we going to have a prison crowding problem then.
However you call this shot, though, this is weird. Trump is really coming unglued. How many of these incomprehensible, clear-as-mud, ramblings do we need to see, back to back, before the 25th Amendment is deemed warranted?
For those who want to get deep into analysis of what passes for humor coming out of mouth of Trump there’s this from Salon:
Q and A number one:
I’d like to ask you about your observations about Donald Trump, who has trouble with humor, and clearly comes from the outrage side of the equation. What can we learn from that?
A couple of things. One, he often describes things as having been jokes that are usually exaggerated statements. They are strongly valenced statements, but he meant exactly what he said. The valence of what he actually intended is very consistent with the valence of his literal statements.
He says, "Oh, don't protect these prisoners’ heads when you're putting them in the back of the police wagon," and then he says, "Oh well, I was just joking." Well, maybe he was "just joking" in the sense that he is not actually instructing police to do this. But his valence was just that: Do not be gentle with criminals, even if their criminal status hasn't been officially proven yet. So when he does this, he uses the "joking" label as an out. But don't be fooled. What he is saying, the point he is actually issuing with his literal statements, is exactly what he wants the audience to take away. So that I find very interesting.
Dept. of Loose Screws:
Meanwhile as he proves again that he has more than one screw loose, Trump manages to piss off more and more voting blocks:
Excerpt:
Excerpt: Ukrainian Americans, who have seen President Trump and GOP lawmakers repeatedly slam their former country as a center of corruption, could play a pivotal role in next year’s presidential election.
Highly educated and politically engaged, Ukrainian Americans have large population numbers in key swing states.
Most of the 1 million to 1.5 million Ukrainian Americans live in California and New York, but more than 100,000 reside in swing-state Pennsylvania — a state Trump won in 2016 by less than 45,000 votes. Another 64,000 people in Florida claim Ukrainian heritage.
Many of those U.S. citizens have seen an opportunity to raise awareness and understanding about their home country, but are anguished over attacks on Ukraine that took center stage in the House impeachment drama.
“I think people might worry and, justified if so, if this will affect U.S. and Ukraine relations in a negative way,” said Andrij Dobriansky, spokesman for the Ukrainian Congress Committee of America (UCCA), the largest political advocacy organization for Ukrainian Americans.
Beyond the complaints about corruption, Trump has attacked a war hero from the Ukrainian American community while repeating debunked accusations that Ukraine interfered in the 2016 presidential election.
The Department of Don’t We Have Enough to Worry About:
But how many wereat this speech because there were ordered to attend?
There’s always the remote chance that benevolent aliens are going to save us:
None of this will ultimately matter to the human race anyway because in five billion years if people still live in our solar system. Here’s why:
Our sun is categorized as a yellow dwarf star, and is still in the early phase of its life, generating excess energy by fusing hydrogen into helium. In about 5 billion years, the sun will run out of its supply of hydrogen, and, being too cool to fuse higher elements, will cease thermonuclear fusion. At that point, the sun will expand, transform into a red giant, growing hundreds of times larger and engulfing nearby planets, like Mercury, Venus and perhaps Earth. In this process, stars like the sun shed their outer gaseous layer, leaving only a hot, compact burnt-out core, known as a white dwarf. White dwarfs generate no energy of their own, but have enough leftover heat that they continue to radiate for trillions of year before cooling to a black dwarf — though the process of cooling takes so long that it is not believed that there are any black dwarfs in the universe currently. Story.
Poll: Comment if he’s ever made you so much as smile and why.