Trump’s former personal lawyer and bagman, Michael Cohen, is testifying in front of a congressional committee on Wednesday, if you just woke up. The Republican Party has sent what passes for their least dim (maybe?) stars to attempt to discredit him and protect the transparently corrupt and criminal Donald Trump. As a result, a lot of hand wringing and moral high ground grandstanding is going on among the GOP representatives.
He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
—John.8, Bible, King James Edition
Here’s a rundown of many of these sillybillies:
Jim Jordan (R-OH): The ranking Republican on the committee is Jim Jordan. Allegations of complicity in the sexual assaults of young men on the Ohio State University wrestling team, where he was an assistant coach, have not been answered—and his Republican brethren do not seem to mind.
Clay Higgins (R-LA): What can be said about Clay Higgins other than he looks like a low-rent Mission Impossible villain? Well, it turns out that Mr. Integrity lost his job as an Opelousas, Louisiana, police officer after being suspended for using “unnecessary force on a subject during the execution of a warrant and later gave false statements during an internal investigation.”
Virginia Foxx (R-NC): Rep Virginia Foxx has the distinction of being one of very few Republican women representatives. She’s also proof that no matter what your gender identity, being a Republican representative means you might be a big ol’ dumb dumb. The North Carolina representative is known for saying she didn’t know that “tar baby” was a racial slur, and that the murder of Matthew Shepard was not a hate crime. A real piece of work.
Jody Hice (R-GA): Rep. Hice loves guns and religion. But only his version of religion because he also believes that Muslims should not be allowed protections under the First Amendment. True story!
Mark Green (R-TN): The Just for Men candidate—his hair was super dark and now it’s super not—made far too many disparaging remarks about Muslims and the LGBTQ community to run for governor of Tennessee. Think about that.
Paul Gosar (R-AZ): A man so despicable, his entire family disowned him and endorsed his opponent. If you want to know what passes for logic in Gosar’s mind, read about his anti-Semitic conspiracy theories.
Thomas Massie (R-KY): What happens when Peter Pan finally leaves Neverland, loses his powers, becomes cynical, and realizes he hates people? Thomas Massie!
Mark Meadows (R-NC): Has tried to make a lot of hay about Cohen’s history of lying. Back in December, when Mr. Meadows was being considered for Trump’s chief of staff position, it came out that he had lied about his college degree at one point.
Ralph Norman (R-SC): Rep. Norman is most recently remembered for having pulled out a loaded gun in front of constituents in an attempt at who knows what?
Bob Gibbs (R-OH): Rep. Gibbs has attempted to glibly analogize his tenure as a congressman with serving in a war zone in our military. That’s just the kind of hero he is.
Glenn Grothman (R-WI): Grothman has a history of saying truly insane things, like arguing that college Pell Grants “discourage marriage.” The fact that he’s even allowed to talk in public is astounding.
There are others, and if they haven’t stepped in a big bag of hypocrisy just yet because they’re new, just you wait.