I was born & raised in NYC, bi-lingual.
When I dropped off my kids at their grandmother’s for the weekend, this happened…
(She’s an Eastern European immigrant, with heavily accented English, who was lucky enough to marry into money once she got here. There have been ‘issues’ between us in the past, so I keep it cordial and civil — but distant.)
She asked me to sit for a bit and stay for coffee (I never stay, and know better than to chit-chat but I decided I would be social for the sake of he kids).
It started easily enough with religion vs spirituality, telling her about an experience I had as a 13 year old which made me a believer (long story for another day) — why I think we will continue to exist in some way shape or form after death — but that I was strongly against organized religion (every one) since they had lost track of their mission, clearly evidenced by the way it’s been taught (throughout the ages) causing only more problems in the world, convenient ‘lepers’ of their own creation to scapegoat, money rackets, attention to rituals instead of purpose, and less tolerance and compassion among people, etc. That one wasn’t so bad…
We went on to discuss education here and abroad. I told her that in the 80’s I saw one of my friend’s high school notebooks from school in the Dominican Republic and was put to shame (even though I was in one of NYC’s advanced schools at the time). How some schools here have added religion to the curriculum instead of focusing on science; how that’s a disservice to the academic intelligence of our future workforce. So far so good...
She then started telling me how she was greeted in Spanish by 5 salesclerks in the same mall once, and how upset she was because they didn’t speak English, that because of that they shouldn’t even be here. (I brace myself, thinking here we go!)
I explained that I was brought up by my mom (an immigrant) to address other Hispanics (particularly older ones) in Spanish as a sign of affinity and support, because they may not have mastered the language yet. That I have offended some people with this in the past, but truly only meant it as a gesture of basic human-to-human consideration; and to recover I just quickly switch to English and carry on. That when she has a tan she must be aware that she looks sort of Cuban-ish AND she does live in FL most of the year — HELLO?!?!. How its a big no-no to speak in a language that someone in your group does not understand, and that I would never do that (unlike her who very rudely always talks Russian to my ex in my presence). That immigrants have all levels of education and wealth, and sales is an entry level job, what did she expect? That she should take it up with whoever hired them, choosing them over fluent English speakers probably to save money on payroll. I told her she could have requested someone else to assist her but this suggestion made her feel embarrassed. She didn’t know what to say when I asked her if they shouldn’t have applied for the job, or not work at all until their English got stronger…
Knowing she came from a pretty homogeneous place (lack of multicultural exposure), I told her I love the fact that in one NYC block you can experience and taste cultures and foods from all over the world. I decided to give her a quick history of immigration — as I understand it — to help her… (it starts going down-hill from here). I explained that the Native Americans were already here when the first settlers arrived — who were mostly Western European (and brought slaves with them), then came the Irish/Italian/German/Jewish/etc influx, and eventually & currently the Hispanics. That each group had their share of growing pains (were ostracized) and needed time while on the learning-curve towards acclimation (Americanization). That they generally live in the poorer areas (of NY, CA, FL & TX usually) where rents are cheap and in clusters; pointing out how she’s even mentioned that one could live in her original neighborhood of Brooklyn without ever speaking English. She started to look sick (LOL) when I explained that foreigners come in ‘waves’ and we are currently experiencing the beginnings of the Arabic and African peoples’ migration. That the Asian immigration wave will probably be the last. I explained what a MELTING POT means/is, that we can incorporate the best attributes from all over the world; and in turn by strengthening our diversity we enrich our culture. That right there is the source of our American exceptionalism — we are not one thing, we are the BEST OF EVERYTHING.
E pluribus unum — motto on the Great Seal of the United States: “Out of many, one”
I realized that she believes there is only ONE way to be American — only like her and her kind; and I knew I had to convey that it’s okay to be different/non-white, that there are already are MANY ‘different’ people here, that more ‘others’ are coming too, they are visible and she will see them EVERYWHERE, there is space for them & they can belong here, and they are NOT going away anywhere EVER — but with softer language to not offend her racist sensibilities. So I attempted to help her understand that EVERYONE is part of a sub-culture (even in America). That there are distinct and subtle differences between Americans from the farmlands or country vs urban or coastal vs southern or bible-belt, vs New England vs Native Americans vs Pacific North West, etc. That those differences are regional but there are other, deeper differences as well, like the ethnic/racial ones (from black to white and everything in between). (The — uncomfortable — look on her face at this point is priceless!). To calm her down, I jokingly told her not to worry, that none of this will matter in a 100 years when we’ve all inter-mixed and will become multi-lingual and either be brown with light hair, or black with slanted eyes or white with black features or any other combo she could imagine. (Even though her grand kids are biracial — she lost it at this point...)
She said the asylum seekers are a health risk (telling me she ‘knows’ about medicine — she trained as an occupational therapist but was only a masseuse when she came here — SMH). How would I like it if my kids contracted a disease from one of them in school; I told her I was more concerned about diseases spread by the anti-vaxxers, since everyone here — that can be — has to be vaccinated to enter the public education system. I agreed that the situation at the border was a problem (not a crisis or national emergency), but I was truly at a loss when she asked what could be done to fix it. The only thing I could answer was that the (current administration’s) ‘solutions’ were not working and only making it worse. When I asked her what she thought about the kids in cages, she said that was a lie — that there weren’t any (WTF?). Then proceeded to go into what-aboutism about Obama… That’s when I said I had to leave.
I wish I had stayed to tell her that we are now much more medically advanced than when the settlers brought the diseases that wiped out the natives. I would have asked her if she knew something no one else did about some unknown mysterious disease the immigrants are carrying, because she could make a lot of money by inventing a ‘cure’. Unless she wouldn’t accept the money because they don’t speak English?
I would have told her that during Obama’s tenure we didn’t have so many trying to come or dying once they did, nor was any child abuse inflicted upon them. That there probably will be human rights abuse trials held against this administration at the Hague though.
There was more of her (inflammatory) drivel not worth the mention but that just further cemented the fact that she’s way more ignorant than the rock she grew up under & to which I wish she would return beneath to complete her mental rotting process STAT.
We didn’t even get to discuss the different cultural-identity mindsets of people from different countries like for example the European ones (monarchist-imperialist-colonizers-conquistadors) VS. the Latin American ones (enslaved-colonized-banana boat CIA installed dictatorships). That one would have been a doozy! (Entitlement/privilege, racism, oppression/wars, and economic advantage would have come up).
I worry for my kids when they are around her…
She is completely oblivious at how much she insults me (I’m an Afro-Middle Eastern-Spaniard mix Hispanic genetic mutt — self describing as JUST A HUMAN-American); and I’m sick and tired of having to defend my right to exist as a Café con Leche-American (or any other hyphenation under the sun used to ‘classify,’ divide and demonize — but that is another rant for another diary about the census, state propaganda/media demographic political targeting, and short-changing federal resources for low-income or POC areas).
At a loss for words…
(We are) At a loss, for (the unkind) words…