What Made Trump Look Like an Even Bigger Jackass in June
Last month's contribution to Bullshit Mountain is just, wow…
June
The NFL
The Rock
"A Bible"
His niece
Rampgate
His phone
Dan Rather
Mitt Romney
The Russian Bounties
Oh yeah. There’s more below…
Hunter Biden
Pat Robertson
Carl Bernstein
Nepotism Barbie
The Rolling Stones
The Tom Petty Estate
The Trump Recession
His idiot vice president
The record Trump deficit
The tear gas he lied about
The Johnson Amendment
White "supremest" groups
President George W. Bush
That swab factory in Maine
"8 percent of the black vote"
The pathetic turnout in Tulsa
The latest bullshit "Sir" story
This is only the tip of the assberg. The rest of it can be seen at the bottom of today’s column. If you get bored with all the winning before then, feel free to skip it and donate a little something to your favorite Democratic candidate or cause instead.
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, July 1, 2020
Note: Is a piano going to drop on your head in C&J today around 3pm? Find out in my new book, The Blog Where It Happened, available on Amazon July 20th. Order today! (Before 3pm, please.)
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the 2016 filmed version of Hamilton with the original cast drops on Disney+: 2
Date on which Americans are officially barred from traveling to a European Union country because our Covid crisis is out of control: 7/1/20
Months since the White House was first warned about Russian bounties placed on U.S. troops' heads in Afghanistan, according to CNN: 17
Biden-Trump matchup in Georgia according to a brand-new PPP poll: 49%-45%
Percent of Americans who want abortion to be legal in all or some circumstances, according to Gallup polling: 79%
Percent of Republican state lawmakers in Wisconsin who voted by mail after they voted to force regular folks to go to the polls: 80%
Percent chance that Adidas, Clorox, Conagra, Denny's, Ford, and Starbucks are the latest to pull their ads from Facebook because it's a friendly platform for Trump's white supremacy and gaslighting: 100%
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 185 (including 3 False Christs and 1 angry Florida Woman possessed by the devil). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: This firedog slides down an invisible horizontal pole…
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CHEERS to July! Welcome to the month that starts Act II of 2020 after an intermission lasting exactly zero seconds. America turns 244 Saturday (but thanks to the Republican botching-of-everything, we don’t look a day under 500), during which the president will celebrate by setting the forest around Mount Rushmore on fire. And Canada turns 153 today, during which the prime minister will celebrate by setting nothing on fire except hearts with his smile.
It's also National Baked Beans Month and National Ice Cream Month, on the 11th we'll celebrate something called Feest van de Vlaamse Gemeenschap (Translation: "The takeover of the planet by horny squirrels with grenade launchers"), and this year’s delayed tax day is the 15th. The full moon—aka a “buck moon”—happens on the 5th. And speaking of full moons, the second week of July is Nude Recreation Week. Sadly, movie theaters will remain empty due to the Trump Plague, though an abbreviated major league baseball season is scheduled to start in a few weeks. White MAGA cultists will continue dealing with the pandemic calmly and rationally by screaming at store employees who gently suggest it's policy to wear a mask, waving guns in people's faces if they can't belly up to a crowded bar or get their highlights freshened, and screaming white supremacy gibberish from their golf carts. (Plus I'm sure they'll think of new and exciting ways to be total narcissistic dicks like their leader.) And by the time the month is over, we’ll have only 6 months left of the Trump administration. I believe I speak on behalf of all Americans with functioning brains when I say: fly, July, fly.
P.S. Just in from DK’s Carolyn Fiddler:
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JEERS to the dumbest lady in the room. In the wake of Monday's Supreme Court decision that vanquished a restrictive Louisiana abortion law, attention focused once again on Justice Brett Kavanaugh's hostility to women's rights (he voted to keep the law, and also HE LIKES BEER!) and his #1 fan in the Senate: Susan Collins. She's up for reelection in November, and here in Maine we're planning to boot her. Let's take a quick trip down Memory Lane, courtesy of likely challenger Sara Gideon, to remind everyone why:
And here's some eye-popping evidence that our state has had enough of this radical in moderate's clothing: The Portland Press Herald reports that the Maine Democratic Party has added 40,000 voters to its ranks in just the last four years, giving Team D a whopping 90,000-voter advantage over Republicans here…the highest in five presidential election cycles. Bring on the broken glass—we can’t wait to crawl over it.
CHEERS to the wrath of McGrath. Speaking of the Senate: in Kentucky the absentee votes have been counted, and it's official...
Retired Marine fighter pilot Amy McGrath will face off against Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell this fall, after winning a closer-than-expected primary against progressive challenger Charles Booker.
The primary proved to be a nail-biter up until the very end, with Booker and McGrath each pulling ahead at various stages of vote-counting. Booker dominated in Jefferson County, his home area around Louisville and a key area for Democrats. But ultimately, a weaker margin outside of Lexington wasn’t enough to make up McGrath’s showing in rural areas outside the two cities. […]
One mid-May poll showed McGrath leading McConnell by 1 percent, but otherwise, general election polling has been scarce.
Moscow Mitch has been in office since 1985, and is a stinkingly-rotten, corrupt human being who single-handedly destroyed almost all the norms and rules of the Senate, a fact that will boomerang on him in January when Democrats regain control and open a can of whupass on behalf of the poor and middle class. In the meantime, McGrath will have no problem matching him dollar-for-dollar, but convincing enough Kentuckians to turn him into turtle soup will be a major lift. My suggestion: throw in a bucket of KFC and a bottle of Old Forester and they might budge.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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(Tiny domino is Daily Kos. Big domino is Trump.)
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the turning point. 157 years ago today, on July 1, 1863, the Battle of Gettysburg began, marking the high-water mark of the nasty old slavery advocates. (For the record, Maine won the war for the Union, although we hate to brag about it because we're modest, but we did, we really did.) Unfortunately, those poor dumb rebs down Mississippi way apparently just got word that they were soundly defeated by military forces of the United States of America under command of President Abraham Lincoln, because this just happened:
Well that escalated, um, slowly.
CHEERS to our favorite constitutional monarchy! Happy birthday, Canada! As America prepares to celebrate the violent upheaval and protracted war with Britain that led to our own "Brexit," our neighbors to the north are commemorating the cool, calm, and civilized "union of the British North America provinces in a federation under the name of Canada [on] July 1st."
Awesome! Whoooo!!! We luv ya Canada! (Disclaimer: But not your tar sands.) Don't get too crazy tonight—you could tear a rotator cuff politely waving at your neighbors.
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 1, 2010
JEERS to the new red menace. What's even scarier than pirates, bears, global warming or the words "Hi, I'm Rand Paul and I'll be your ophthalmologist"? I'll tell ya: Russian spies!!! It was an amazingly sneaky ring. There were ten in all, each neatly stacked one inside the other. (Sadly, the Feds haven’t found damning microfilm in any pumpkins yet. Oh, but they will. By god, they will.)
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And just one more…
JEERS to more of Mr. Maniac’s manure. As promised, here’s the massive, stinky bottom half of this month’s record-breaking list of people and things that made Trump look like an even bigger jackass in June. Damn, what a clod:
The SCANDAL OF OUR TIMES
His Mini-Me Lindsey Graham
His illegally-funded stupid wall
One of his alleged rape victims
Former Chief of Staff John Kelly
The Supreme Court's DACA decision
The Supreme Court’s LGBT decision
Former SecDef General James Mattis
The White House bunker "inspection"
His master of slapstick vice president
His obscene claim of an AIDS vaccine
Social-distancing seat stickers in Tulsa
His complete ignorance of Juneteenth
His difficulty drinking water from a glass
His order to "slow the testing down, please."
His unhinged phone call with U.S. governors
The soon-to-be-demolished Trump Plaza Casino
His open support for "white power! white power!"
The "current president"-hating 2020 GOP platform
This Trump aide who supports chainsaw-wielding racists
Every month I say Bullshit Mountain can’t possibly get any higher. And every month that dickhead proves me wrong. State funeral denied, MF’er.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
A new rumor has hit the net offering that some sort of Daily Kos reset is in the works that will see Cheers and Jeers basically erased. Plans are not set in place, as Bill in Portland Maine is said to hate the idea and is said to be doing everything he can to crush it.
—Cosmic Book News
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