Lying is A-OK!
My husband's recently retired brother and sister-in-law told us they were driving up from Florida to visit us in our state in the northeast . They are trumpers, fox news and morning shock-jock devotees, and are horribly misinformed. But you know, family. They also told us they were bringing along their 14 year old granddaughter, who we hadn't seen in three years and didn't know well. They changed the dates of the trip several times (without asking us) and after a lot of further miscommunication they ended up coming two days early with two hours notice, after having made several other stops along the east coast on the way. My husband and I changed all of our long standing and long awaited plans to accommodate their new schedule. Despite their unabashed animosity toward me for admitting to being a bit rattled by the last minute changes, my husband and I fed them, catered to them, cleaned up after them and entertained them. They were miserable, uncommunicative, and ungrateful. But you know, family.
They informed us they would be staying for four days. On the third day, which was July 4th, the granddaughter said to her Nana, “See, I didn't even get Covid the whole time!” I didn’t want to believe what was slowly dawning on me. I said, “Wait, you told me you were vaccinated, right?” Grinning sheepishly, she gave me a,“Yeees” and then looked at her grandmother, who said, “Well...”
So to backtrack a little – When they first pulled up they sent the granddaughter out to ring the bell. Before I hugged her I asked her if she'd been vaccinated. (my husband and I are both vaccinated and have been meticulously careful). She smiled and answered, “Yes!”. When the two adults followed I asked the grown woman, “You guys are all vaccinated, right?” She defensively and angrily said, “Of course!”. Okaaayyy. But that’s this kooky woman’s M.O. I steeled myself for a rocky visit.
So three days later in my kitchen, I'm faced with a guiltily smiling teenage girl who has now admitted that she has lied about being vaccinated. I angrily but calmly told her that it's not a joke and you don't kid around about something that could be a matter of life and death. Then the grandmother lied herself and claimed she never said they'd all been vaccinated. As the now crying girl fled from the room, this woman looked me in the eye and in a conspiratorial voice said, “You know, the vaccine messes with your DNA.” That was it. That's when I totally lost it. I felt like Egon in Ghostbusters when he finally lost his temper and attacked the New York official who was INCORRECTLY INTERPRETING SCIENCE (“Your mother!”) (And of course I did not physically touch her)
There was a lot of yelling. We retreated to our respective corners and they ended up packing in a huff (because they were insulted!) and clearing out within minutes. I did manage to get the sobbing girl alone for a minute so I could assure her it wasn't her fault, and that we still loved her, and then cleared out myself to avoid a potential round two.
Despite all our efforts in the face of their animosity and lying, we're still experiencing guilt. But this behavior from these people, who have been shown by example that LYING IS NOT ONLY OK BUT CORRECT ... It too often seems that the least caring and considerate, the most greedy and officious, the bullies,the road hogs, the cheaters, the rude and callous, the people who don't hold the door open for you, who cut you off in traffic, who leave crummy tips, who make jokes at other's expense – these are all too often the crazy right wingers, the racists and anti-Semites and homophobes. Selfish and ignorant. Privileged.
These 'guests' were not remorseful, there was no apology forthcoming, and we're certain they're trashing us to their friends and the rest of my husband's family right now. But we live in a country where this kind of behavior is celebrated and encouraged by this emboldened group of miscreants.
My husband I are determined to learn lessons from this. We have renewed our commitment to being kind, but we've decided to never again keep silent in the face of this kind of behavior, “but you know, family” be damned. My husband reminded me about a line from Desiderata - “As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. “
We'll stick to that – but no more surrender.
Our sympathy to all of you who have had to part with relatives over their mind-blowing stupidity. Can't wait to go visit my crazy 90 year old trump-lovin' father in Arizona in November...