I will. I have been informed by my associates that I received 100 million write-in votes for President in November. Of course the lamestream media won't inform you of this event. My people are going to march down to the capitol in Washington and set things straight. Fortunately I live in the peaceful fishing village of Seattle, Washington so it's only a 60 mile march down to Olympia, the capital of Washington. What will we do when we get there? (and by we I mean them because I’m not going- too scary) We are going to the campus of the Electrical College, right to the student union building and claim the victory that my 200 million write-in votes should get me.
Let me say right now that the Electrical College is a bad idea. They should stick to making transformers and generators and forget politics. We saw that in 2000 when we had all trouble with Bush vs Gore and what happened? They didn't make enough electrical equipment because they had to deal with the election stuff and we had a big power outage in California. Some say it was caused by Enron but I don't think a big national company would put people at risk just to make a few extra bucks. Of course we are taking handguns, shotguns, rocket propelled grenades, hand grenades, mortars and tanks with us for self-protection.
Once the college gives me the victory I so richly deserve, I am going to make some radical changes to America. First the economy. The best way to assure a booming economy is give big tax cuts to billionaires. I will go one better. I will give tax bonuses to billionaires. For every 1 mil you have in income, the gov will give you an extra $100,000. This should give the job creators money to really start the economy. Second- Covid19. We will take the excellent advice of Dr. Scott Atlas. He is a radiologist and nothing is better for fixing contagious disease outbreaks than experience reading x-rays. We will test all Americans for Covid and those who test negative will be placed in a tent with contagious superspreaders so they become infected. This way we immediately produce herd immunity in about a month. This should also work to mitigate the opioid epidemic. Everybody will receive opiates and those who survive should be immune. Guns- 40,000 or so gun deaths per year. I've heard that bullets go both ways and the only defense to a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. That's why there were so many people murdered at Las Vegas at the country-western concert. Nobody there had a gun! If they did it would have been short work to fire 400yds back at the broken windows in the hotel and get the guy. I also promise to use the trump method to MAGA. First I will make America really crappy and then it will be easy to bring it back, (I think).
I also have very little political experience (full disclosure, I was ASB president in HS). This is perfect for someone who is going to run one of the largest governments on the planet. I won't be influenced by all the political BS. When I go to the airport, I always request a pilot who has never flown a plane so they won't be influenced by the transportation industry. Likewise when I need brain surgery, I request a surgeon who has never before performed surgery.
I thank you and ask your support for my 3 week term (until I am impeached)
although really I can't imagine anything going wrong with these good plans.
President-Elect Gil
(Note: almost none of this is true)