Any good rational theories on why Facebook went down the day after 60 Minutes exposed their traitorous business practices and one day before Congressional hearings? Well, it doesn’t take a lunatic QANON conspiracist with a tinfoil hat huffing hydrogen peroxide to figure out what really happened….they took it down themselves! Lock out the majority of employees, prevent people from deleting their accounts, purge all the incriminating evidence, and send Markie Mark to apologize to the rubes and shrug about his monsters abhorrent behavior while painting the whistleblower as a “disgruntled employee”. Take it down and come up with a plan. Seems pretty simple to me. After all, they have billions of dollars and hundreds of foreign nationals to protect and It will take what? About 6 hours to do it? Fine, let’s go.
So what do you need this socially irresponsible social media for? Cat videos? Pictures of the grandkids? Period underwear ads? Affordable erectile dysfunction treatments? Showing the world what you ate tonight? Personal validation? You can get that through other direct means. We have ways to connect personally, and you don’t need to filter it through a multi-billion dollar corporation that makes the primary product YOU and your personal information. Yeah, it was great while it lasted, but the whole thing has become a Frankensteins’ monster — one that threatens you personally and democracy as a whole. Time to set fire to it and send it to its’ grave. One. Account. At. A. Time.
Facebook is a seething fountain of hate and idiotic information. People shovel snark on Facebook they would never say to another persons’ face. It sells sarcasm and discourse as entertainment. It infiltrates your life completely and physically tracks you to the point where it even knows when you take a shit. It sets you against your neighbor and divides the country when we are all in this together. It rewards the shrill and and arrogant, and ignores the kind gentle people that make up the majority of this country. Facebook is the online version of reality shows, where the assholes always get the attention and the doomed and weak get pounded into dust. It’s like middle school on meth. This is not who we are. You don’t need it. It needs you.
Why would they shut it down after the 60 Minutes whistleblower interview? To prevent you from deleting your account. To save their stock price from tumbling into the abyss. To erase all footprints of nefarious and traitorous actions. To create a plausible alibi. To come up with a plan to convince you that they are still your best friend.
You don’t need it, my fellow human being. It used to be your shiny best buddy you watched football or Masked Singer with, but now its turned on you and wants all your money, your privacy, your government, and your sanity. The monster wants it all. It doesn’t give you anything in return except lies, personalized ads, and information about your loved ones that you could get on your own. It’s a bad roommate that stains your carpet, doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t flush the damn toilet, keeps you up all night with loud sex, and drinks all your beer when you aren’t looking. Oh sure, it “punishes” the most egregious offenders with Facebook Jail, taking away their privileges for a few days, but that just makes these cretins gain more notoriety, much like professional wrestling. They wear it like a badge of honor.
I’m not going to list the convoluted process how to do it: you got yourself into this mess, now get yourself out of it. Frankenbook will only ask you about 20 times if you REALLY want to do this horrible thing that will ruin your life forever. Search “How to delete you Facebook account permanently” and take five minutes out of your life to save humanity. Take some responsibility for the monster you helped create. Then go outside and soak up some sunshine, call or text a friend, and have another non-lite beer. You’ve earned it.