Everybody’s a critic. Not everybody can manage to be a civil critic. It’s definitely useful, if you’re trying to moderate other people’s comments, that you first moderate your own.
Once upon a time, I read a diary by a kossack named erratic, and it changed a good many things for me, all at once. If you check out the link, read all the way through the comments, because it was the idea of practicing civility in a neutral context that let me actually get a feel for what it meant. Anyone who would like to use the comment section, in this or future diaries, to try out the possibility, will be welcome to do so. Also, several later diaries of erratic’s on the general topic are, imo, well worth reading. I recommend these: 1, 2, 3. (The last has nothing to do with moderation, I just liked it.)
To quote from erratic:
The simplest way to identify those who are being intentionally disruptive is to be very careful not to practice unintentional disruption. Comments and responses that mock, devalue, distort, or manipulate the perspectives of others can be very satisfying ways to score a few points against the "other side". But speaking as someone who has been treated as being on the "other side", it's very tempting to respond in kind. Often it feels like the most effective response. Which usually triggers escalation and additional conflict.
FWIW, here's my approach:
1-Avoid conflict whenever possible. You're very rarely going to change someone's perspective by fighting them.
2-Write carefully. Think about how others will perceive what you write, and work to be inclusive. It's much easier to make enemies than friends.
3-When in conflict, stay civil and respectful. Maybe your opponent is having a rough day. Maybe their response is strongly influenced by something they have experienced in their life. Engaging in an honest and civil way can be a very effective way to come to an understanding. It also provides the secondary satisfaction of disempowering intentional disrupters through boredom.
4-Always leave the door open to understanding. Be willing to be vulnerable, and try to see things from your "opponent's" perspective.
5-Don't respond emotionally. Step back and take a breather if needed. Even when someone is trying to provoke you, you retain the ability to chose how you respond. Reacting emotionally to a provocation means that you've given the provoker the power to affect you.
6-Get out there and do something! DK is a small part of the world that we live in, and there are many other worthwhile ways to engage your passions and interests!
My bolding. ;)
Shortly before that, I’d started to put together a working definition for civility in commenting. I still think it applies now, though it’s still isn’t always easy to do, and sometimes I can’t/don’t keep to it..
I find that to keep a posture of civility I have to remember to be civil to, and about, everyone. For me, that means I don't get to say "wingnut", or "rethuglican", or a huge number of other opprobrious epithets. Because once I let myself forget to respect any person or type of people, it's much easier to let that attitude seep into my dealings with more and more people.
And, some people do make it harder than others to keep that posture.
This was critical for me because I was, when I finally started commenting on Daily Kos, still incredibly inhibited about correcting anyone. For years, I had to be much more than just a little irritated by someone’s statements before I could bring myself to try and disagree with them in a comment. I had to learn a whole new set of ways to stay neutral.
Next Installment: Commenting when you’re pissed — Don’t.
Comments are open. Think about what other boilerplate an Open Thread should include, or even whether you want to see this as a regular feature.
I haven’t yet come down from the rush of starting this, so there’s very little that’s set in stone — or if there is, I haven’t noticed it yet.
Next Open Thread is scheduled for Friday, March 26, at 8:00pm Central. Future diaries are tentatively scheduled for Tuesdays and Fridays at the same time.
Anyone who wants to discuss community moderation topics is welcome. Of course, if you wish to tell us that community moderation is a failure and it’s all just an excuse for some people to set themselves up to judge others, please remember that Conspiracy Theories are not acceptable topics for discussion.
Previous diaries in this series, and a compilation of historical diaries showing the growth of Community Moderation on Daily Kos, can be found at A Guide to Community Moderation.
A caveat:
I do not speak for the Help Desk. This group does not speak for the Help Desk. In the unlikely event that any member of the Help Desk joins the group it still will not speak for the Help Desk. Kos and the rest of the Daily Kos staff, usually speaking through the Help Desk, are the ultimate authority in any and all disputes. Moving on...
Decisions about what to moderate, what to say, and how to say it, have always been individual ones. At most, it’s my hope that this group will offer advice which will make at least some parts of moderation more comfortable for more users.