I’ve watched a lot of mob movies, so I know it’s a really bad sign when the boss refuses to see you. (Question: If a Trump capo leaves a gross giant horse head in Gaetz’s bed, how long will his fiancée canoodle with it before she realizes it’s not Matt?)
In case you somehow haven’t heard, Florida congressman and faithful Trump toady Matt Gaetz is in a bit of a pickle after spending a bit too much time and energy following the counsel of his sour gherkin, and now our former pr*sident has apparently tossed him into the coffee boy black hole. And as everyone knows, once you’ve crossed that event horizon, there’s no turning back.
I haven’t been this depressed about a public split since Randy Quaid broke with consensus reality.
Two people familiar with the matter said Gaetz tried to schedule a visit with Trump after it was first revealed that he was being investigated, but the request was rejected by aides close to the former President, who have urged Trump not to stick his neck out to defend Gaetz. Harlan Hill, a spokesman for Gaetz, said the congressman did not request a meeting with Trump this week.
Oh, no. Of course he didn’t. Why would Gaetz want the support and counsel of the most popular member of his party during a shitshow of a scandal that’s poised to end him?
"Rep. Gaetz was welcomed to Trump Doral this week and has not sought to meet with President Trump himself," Hill said in a statement to CNN, claiming that Gaetz has "been mostly relaxing with his fiancée this week during recess."
Yeah, I really believe Gaetz didn’t try to meet with Trump. That sounds just like him. Face it, Gaetz’ll snap onto Trump’s tumescent melon head like a facehugger from Aliens if he ever gets close enough again. I’d be more apt to believe a second-trimester fetus would step out of the womb for a Virginia Slim and a Fresca than that Gaetz would willingly crowbar his head out of Trump’s rectum.
No, Matt, the Big Cheeseball will not see you. Twist in the wind, motherfucker. He can’t help you. He’d have to care first.
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