Finally! A voice for white people in the United States! I’ve felt like a second-class citizen ever since … okay, I’ve never felt that way. Nevertheless, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Paul Gosar, who might be able to cobble together a fully functioning brain between them if it doesn’t have to be 100% human and they’re given fair and reasonable access to a monkey slaughterhouse, are speaking up for ME—a straight white male with the world’s largest Bud Light tchotchke and Jon McNaughton art print collection.
They’ve started something called the—wait, this can’t be right, can it? What the fuck year is this? Let’s see. People are running around acting like vaccines are witchcraft and infectious diseases can be cured with prayer, sunshine, and whatever horse-food supplement Donald Trump saw on the Demon Sperm Doctor’s Friendster page this morning, and now some people think an “Anglo-Saxon” congressional caucus must be an appropriate way to address perceived but totally not-real slights. Fuck, it’s not 2020 again, is it?
Anyway, like most of us, California Rep. Ted Lieu, an Asian-American U.S. Air Force veteran who had previously told Greene and Gosar to “take your nativist crap and shove it,” has some important questions about their so-called “America First” Caucus.
Saturday, Apr 17, 2021 · 11:02:43 PM +00:00 · Aldous J Pennyfarthing
Potato, po-tah-to, tomato, to-mah-to, let’s call the whole thing off. Thanks to a fierce backlash from, well, pretty much everyone not named Marjorie Taylor Greene or Paul Gosar, they’re abandoning the whole America First Caucus thing,
per Forbes.
“She’s not planning on launching it at this time,” (Greene’s) spokesperson said, adding that it was “in the early planning stages” but that the publication of the document by Punchbowl “[blew] it all up.”
This is what happens when we use our voices, people. It works.
For the nontweeters:
Dear @mtgreenee & @RepGosar: I have some questions about your Anglo-Saxon caucus: Will non Aryans be allowed to join? If so, do we have to sit in the back of the room because we’re not white? Can we have fried rice and nachos during the meetings? Asking for a friend.
Don’t be silly, Ted. No one eats fried rice and nachos together. #FakeMenus!
According to the America First Caucus’ seven-page “policy platform” document—from which Greene is now scrambling to distance herself—this is the nacho-less nonsense they’re actually promoting.
“America is a nation with a border, and a culture, strengthened by a common respect for uniquely Anglo-Saxon political traditions. History has shown that societal trust and political unity are threatened when foreign citizens are imported en-masse into a country, particularly without institutional support for assimilation and an expansive welfare state to bail them out should they fail to contribute positively to the country.”
You’ll forgive me if I did a quick Command+F search on “Lebensraum” to see which country they’re thinking of invading first.
Also, what should we do with native-born Americans who are failing to contribute positively to the country? Because I can list a few of those right off the top of my head.
As always, Rep. Lieu is offering both on-point and pointed criticism. Without question, he can take care of himself. But as a white man, I just want to say, “ugh” and, of course, “sorry.” Also, “Jesus F. Christ on a Pogo Stick, I could not be more embarrassed of these people.”
Then again, I don’t claim those two knuckleheads. And no one else should, either.
Saturday, Apr 17, 2021 · 11:38:09 PM +00:00 · Jessica Sutherland
Dr. Even My Family Hates Me, DDS denied involvement with the document on Saturday, ahead of Greene’s announcement that she was punting this stupid, bigoted, and dangerous idea.
Let me be perfectly clear, I did not author this paper. In fact, I first became aware of it by reading about it in the news yesterday, like everyone else.
Read the full “policy platform” below.
”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry." — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear F*cking Lunatic, Dear Pr*sident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!
