It’s time to allow the noble elephant, which was long ago conscripted into service as the symbol of the modern GOP, to go live on a sanctuary or something. Because we’ve found the perfect totem for today’s Republican Party: a terrified loser sitting on a toilet clutching a Civil War sword as Donald Trump’s mob descends on the Capitol fixing to tear the non-Borg limb from limb.
Deep within the bowels of a lengthy story on House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy’s post-insurrection relationship with Donald Trump, the following little nugget appeared, and it occurred to me just how emblematic of today’s GOP one Rep. Bruce Westerman really is.
From The New York Times:
After the House chamber was evacuated on Jan. 6, Mr. McCarthy retreated to his Capitol office with a colleague, Representative Bruce Westerman, Republican of Arkansas. When it became evident the rioters were breaking in, Mr. McCarthy’s security detail insisted he leave. But Mr. Westerman was left behind in Mr. McCarthy’s inner work area, he said in a recent interview.
For protection, Mr. Westerman said he commandeered a Civil War sword from an office display, barricaded himself in Mr. McCarthy’s private bathroom and waited out the siege while crouched on the toilet.
And Westerman—who just a week later voted against impeaching Trump—has presumably been cowering ever since, much like McCarthy and the rest of the quisling caucus, who can’t seem to summon the courage to reject the guy who tried everything in his power to burn our democracy to the ground.
In fact, during an appearance on Fox News Sunday this weekend, McCarthy couldn’t even bring himself to answer straightforward questions about the conversation he had with Trump during the riot—a conversation in which Trump reportedly told a frightened and pissed-off McCarthy, “Well, Kevin, I guess these people are more upset about the election than you are.”
Republicans, you are all, with precious few exceptions, Bruce Westerman, clinging to antiquated weapons (rhetorical and otherwise) while poised to sluice your organs out your Underoos the moment Donald Trump so much as threatens you with his horde of gormless gits.
It’s like my grandpa used to say: Live your life in such a way that you don’t end up crouched on the toilet after cravenly indulging the febrile fantasies of a smoldering diaper landfill masquerading as a human being.
Pretty simple advice, really. And easy to follow. If you’re not a Republican, that is.
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