It’s been a while since I weighed in on Mike Lindell’s social media platform, Frankspeech, and his increasingly deranged efforts to overturn the 2020 presidential election, which Donald Trump lost like the losingest loser in Losertown, Loser Province, Loservania.
To Lindell, it’s simply not possible that the nice, well-spoken, boundlessly compassionate man who’s pretending to be president right now could have gotten more votes than the anthropomorphic ass polyp we surgically removed and vaulted into space on Jan. 20. Something fishy must have gone down on Nov. 3.
Proving that resilience and determination are only virtues if your head is filled with gray matter instead of lumpy shredded pillow detritus, Lindell hosted a sparsely attended “rally” at the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota. It was a kickoff for Lindell’s Frankspeech platform, which he’s promised will rival Twitter and YouTube in sheer awesome online platforminess. It’s an odd time for a launch party since Frankspeech has been up and “running” (like undercooked egg yolks) since April 19—more than three weeks ago.
Also, Frankspeech.com still isn’t working as envisioned … unless you’re talking about how I envisioned it, which was as a weird paella of loony Lindell clips and Diamond & Silk columns that prove exactly nothing other than how amateurish this whole enterprise has been.
Monday’s event, held in a venue that seats roughly 3,200, drew just 1,500 ardent fans.
It was a truly underwhelming “crowd.”
Never mind any of that, because I’ve buried the lede—bigly. While no new evidence about election fraud surfaced, attendees were treated to a rap by Saturday Night Live alum and Lindell friend Joe Piscopo.
It went just as you might imagine.
And … scene.
Of course, that doesn’t make me question the legitimate results of our free and fair election, but it does make me wonder why God would destroy Sodom and Gomorrah after a few dudes rubbed one out to other dudes, and yet He won’t do shit about a washed-up comedian coming up with his own Soul Man outtakes.
All Piscopo rap jokes aside, Lindell still thinks the “evidence” he’s compiled will compel the Supreme Court to vote 9-0 to “pull down” this election.
Lindell’s 15 minutes have long been up, but maybe someone can do a recount and give him another five or 10. What he does with his extra time is his business. But I can tell you right now, it won’t fucking matter.
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