On the morning of May 23, 1946, a woman named Sylvia Livingston Bernstein gave birth to her second child, a son, in a no longer existing hospital in New York City, in the hour between 8 and 9 AM. She was a lawyer, taking time off from her profession to raise her children, including a daughter born in October, 1942, while she was at the Office of Price Administration and her husband Louis was in the Navy, working at the Bureau of Ships. She would go back to part-time work almost a decade later, and then in late 1959 become an Assistant Attorney General of New York State, appointed by Nelson Rockefeller and supervised by Attorney General Louis Lefkowitz.
Yes, I am that son, and I am now ¾ of a century old. This post, about which I have been thinking for several weeks, is something of a reflection on that life.
It is long.
It may not interest you. After all, much of what I have to offer this virtual community has been visible in the thousands of posts I have made here since joining this site in very late 2003.
And yet, perhaps because only with the full scope of a now somewhat long life does a lot of what I have to say/write/opine in different fashions really make sense.
This is also somewhat of a legacy. We have no children, by choice. I write this so that anyone who might be interested has something of a reference, or if you prefer, a series of markers, that can enable one to make better sense of my words and deeds. That includes students, present and former. It includes colleagues in work, in my religious endeavors, in my political activities (this last being of consequence in writing for a blog that is political in its very existence).
I don’t mind if you decide at any point you are no longer interested in reading. I will be honored should you persist.
So let’s start the journey.
Consider how much America has changed in 75 years. Consider these costs in 1946:
Federal Minimum Hourly Wage
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$0.40
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Average Annual Income
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$2,600
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House
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$5,150
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Monthly Rent
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$35
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New Car
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$1,125
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First-Class U.S. Postage
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$0.03
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One-Year Tuition at Harvard
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$420
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Movie Ticket
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$0.55
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Gallon of Gasoline
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$0.21
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Gallon of Milk
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$0.67
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1 Dozen Eggs
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$0.59
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Loaf of White Bread
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$0.10
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That is part of the context of viewing a span of seven and half decades.
But now I need to tell you a bit about the woman who gave birth to me, because her experiences played a major role in shaping who I am. Sylvia Livingston was the daughter of a Jewish immigrant mother whose family fled Poland as the result of a pogrom, and whose father, born in NYC during the blizzard of 1888, was the child of immigrants of Lithuanian Jewish heritage. Sylvia early on was identified as preternaturally brilliant, even more than her two younger siblings who went to a Seven Sisters and to a different Ivy. She was accelerated through her studies, graduating from Hunter College High School at 14. Cornell at that point did not take students younger than 16, so she spent one year at Hunter College before Cornell bent its rules and admitted her as a 15 year old sophomore, about which more later. S\She graduated when she was 18. She went from there to Columbia Law where she graduated 2nd in her class at age 21, less than a tenth of a point behind the valedictorian who went directly to a US Supreme Court clerkship. As a female, Jewish, and the child of one immigrant parent, she did not get offers from prestigious New York City law firms, so eventually she went to work in the family law firm founded by her father and his brother, a man who became a judge.
I mention all of this because in some ways my mother never had a childhood. That had a huge impact upon how I was raised. We moved to Larchmont NY when I was somewhat past my 2nd birthday, and the Mamaroneck School System wanted to accelerate me but my mother kept saying no. Similarly, my first piano teacher wanted to put me on the concert stage and she said no. For the latter I am somewhat grateful as both my sister and I got to know childhood musical prodigies who were very unhappy. But not being accelerated academically meant I got bored, and thus developed neither good study habits nor persistence. In 5th grade one other student and I both went to February before either of us missed either an arithmetic or spelling question.
Eventually my parents, tired of the school system constantly raising the question, left it up to me, and after 4 weeks in 6th grade I moved to the junior high school and 7th grade. Jumping ahead, I could have graduated after my junior year, but my parents said no.
In the meantime beside my piano, my sister was interested in violin and my mother got a string program introduced into the school system. Because of bursitis in her shoulder, Syvia started taking cello lessons with the string teacher. Without telling my parents ,I started lessons with the same cello teacher (using an instrumn=ent the school system had bought for student usage), who eventually asked when she was going to be paid. That teacher, Rubi Wentzel, had a huge impact on our lives. It was through her that my sister and I first traveled to Interlochen Michigan where we spent summers at National Music Camp beginning in 1954. In 1953 Rubi had run a mini camp in her home, which produced one internationally known musician, cellist Lynn Harrell, whose father was a singer at the Metropolitan Opera.
Side note — because of a blog post I made here about Rubi Wentzel’s influence, her daughter found me and some years ago I flew to California for Rubi’s 100th birthday — and she was still teaching!
My sister was always a top student and a top musician. I was neither. I was undisciplined, in part because things came so easily to me. I did not develop the technique that could have led to a career as a professional musician. Realistically I could have been an accompanist or a chamber musician on piano, not a soloist, and and orchestral performer on cello — there I was stronger, as demonstrating by when I was in junior high school sharing the first desk in the Intermediate Orchestra at Interlochen with George Harpham, later I believe the principal cellist with the Philadelphia Orchestra.
As far as my piano, my last piano teacher in high school was Joseph (Jimmy) Bloch, known at Julliard as the man with the golden ears. In my last lesson with him he made a remark that was both one of the greatest compliments I have ever received and also a very cutting criticism. I played the 1st Bach Partita for him, after which he sat in silence for a full minute. He then said “within the limits of your technique you play Bach as well as anyone I have ever heard.”
Don’t worry, I am not going to chronologically go through my entire life. It is not that interesting.
Returning to my mother for a moment, she would have been NYC debate champ at age 12 except she was disqualified because she had already been paid for speaking publicly. When she got to Cornell, because her last name was Livingston (although in Lithuania the name had been Levitsky and was changed when her family entered the US in 1862) she was heavily recruited for prestigious sororities until they found out she was Jewish. She got even — by the end of her first semester in Ithaca she got the rules changed so that no one could join a Greek House until they had been on campus for a full semester. By then she was 16. I mention this because it connects with my experience of negotiating the first meal exchange program between Haverford and Bryn Mawr Colleges as a 17 year old freshman.
I was a National Merit Scholarship winner who almost did not last one semester in College. I was not in the top third of my high school class. I dropped out of Haverford twice and NYU once before returning to Haverford as a junior when I was 25, finally graduating just short of my 27th birthday. My first semester back I took 24 credit hours, managed the soccer team (I was ineligible to play) and managed a 3.25 GPA. My senior year I was taking a doctoral course at Penn, and the following fall I was enrolled in the Musicology doctorate there, although I did not last one semester. That is one of three doctoral programs I have started but not completed, most recently a doctoral completion program in education at Alverno College (I had previously reached ABD in educational administration and policy studies at Catholic U before withdrawing). Despite my theoretical intelligence, I did not become a consistent A student until I did my 2nd Masters, my teaching degree — and consistent because I only got a B- in student teaching because of a not very successful high school student teaching experience. I only got certified because my mentor teachers thought I would only be a middle school teacher. Funny, because in now about 26 years of teaching, less than 4 years were in middle school, and all except one of my many awards for teaching were at the high school level, often teaching AP courses.
In between my 1st and 2nd times at Haverford I was an enlisted Marine. That had an impact upon shaping me. I learned that I could handle much more physically than I thought, and I began to develop some discipline. I can respect the military, although the person I am today would no longer make that choice, because I do not believe that my country can ask of me that I take another life. I am now a Quaker, and will not use physical violence to protect myself although I am prepared to kill if necessary to protect those entrusted to my care. I admit I am not so disciplined when it comes to verbal violence — one impact my mother had on me is that I have a very quick mind and an even sharper tongue, and it has been a life-long endeavor learning to control both. As for the Marines, I turned down an Annapolis appointment, and got out early with an honorable discharge. The details of that are for another time, but I used my GI Bill benefits to complete college and to buy (and regularly refinance) the house in which I write this.
I have done many kinds of jobs, starting with babysitting and snow shoveling as a teen. These included working in McDonald’s, being a camp counselor, making money from music, selling incense and pipes in Greenwich Village, running the game room at Cafe Figaro in Greenwich Village, making money playing bridge and scrabble, selling cars, selling encyclopedia and cookware and gas station cards door to door, selling dental and medical instruments … Most of my work experience has been in two fields: computers and teaching. I began with computers in the Marine Corps and had more than 20 years as a programmer, systems analyst, consultant, and manager. And of course for more years than I have been at Daily Kos I have been teacher, starting as a teacher intern when I dropped out of my first doctoral program back in the 1970s, and as a full time occupation since the mid 1990s. While a teacher I have done other things for income, most notably tutoring, I have made some money as a writer but never enough to fully support myself. I have done some consulting on education, most notably on a federal contract for Arizona State University many moons ago.
I was raised in a non-observant Reform Jewish family, undergoing my Bar Mitzvah on May 23, 1959, my 13th birthday, which was a Saturday. During the decades since I have wandered through a variety of religious traditions, and read about and studied others. I have been in all three main branches of Judaism, been an Episcopalian, been an Orthodox Christian (Orthodox Church of America, where I was a choir director, a parish president, and held elective office at diocesan and national levels), and for almost two decades been a Quaker. I have studied Buddhism, aspects of Islam (particularly the Sufi tradition), etc. I have taught comparative religion in a public high school, a synagogue confirmation class, and an Orthodox Church adult studies program. I seriously considered getting a doctorate in comparative religion and was encouraged to do so by a then faculty member at UVa but realized that I would struggle to develop the language competency I would need.
I have been fortunate to have had my life intersect with those of others who may be of some importance to different folks. Here I want to note that I am not the Woody Allen character Zelig, but consider the following folks where I have had connections — when I was a small child Babe Ruth patted me on the head; I had one conversation with a major figure from the Russian Revolution; because of my political activities I have known from slightly to very well the last 6 Democratic Governors from Virginia, several people who have run for the Democratic nomination for President, a currently sitting cabinet secretary, dozens of Congressmen and Senators and state and local elected officials in Pennsylvania and Virginia and Maryland. I met Henry Ford II and knew his son Edsel. I have met several Justices of the Supreme Court. I knew two people who received Nobel Prizes, one on behalf of an organization (and also knew the person who did the work for that organization which helped with that prize) and one who shared a prize in science with several other folks. My wife was active in the arts and through her I have met a number of significant artistic performers. Others involved in the arts of music, theater, dance, etc, are folks I knew in high school, met it in NYC, at Interlochen, at college. Sometimes these circles overlap.
I do not regret not becoming a professional musician. I have used my background and training in many ways, including directing performances as a teacher and while in college, writing criticism and reviews, infusing my knowledge into my teaching.
My various experiences in life and my habit of being a voracious reader has infused my teaching — of history and government to be sure, but also when I taught in a Stem program for a year. I have also known many in journalism and been able to bring them to my students. I have had two students intern with Congressmen from other states who were friends of mine.
I look back at those who have had the greatest influence on me. Clearly my mother. But also my father, who spent most of his life in business, who was actively involved in politics in Larchmont before my mother and who got involved in community affairs when he moved to Long Boat Key near Sarasota later in life. For what is is worth, I was his best man twice — make of that what you will.
But if asked who are the figures I would reference, let me list these. From my growing up, beside Joseph “Jimmy” Block and Rubi Wentzel, my AP US History teacher Thomas Rock who was the first person to challenge me to live up to my potential. A number of teachers at Haverford -John Davison and William Heartt Reece in music, Roger Lane in History, Aryeh Kosman in Philosophy, all of who became more of friends when I returned as a 25 year old junior — heck, I even double dated with Roger a couple of time. There were mentors intellectual and otherwise in my religious peregrinations. Now deceased and eminent faculty members at St Vladimir’s Orthodox Seminary Fathers John Meyendorff and Alexander Schmemann. My now deceased spiritual father from Simona Petra Monastery on Mount Athos Archimandrite Aimilianos. My first principal as a public school teacher Marian White-Hood, known to many of us simply as “Doc.”
And most of all the person with whom I have been connected at least since our chance encounter on the platform of the Bryn Mawr train station on Sept 21, 1974, with whom I had a first date 6 days later, and to whom I have been wed since December 29, 1985, known to those here as Leaves on the Current. I would not have left computers and become a teacher without her encouragement and her willingness to take on the financial support of the family for a year. She is my lover, my muse, my comforter, my provoker, so much more…
In one Clint Eastwood film as Dirty Harry, he has a phrase that a man’s got to know his limitations. I’m not sure I fully agree, but I accept the idea that just because one may be able to do something well does not mean one should do it. For myself that has been a slow learning process. I will never have a doctorate, but given that despite my intellectual capabilities I do not have a scholar’s temperament means I can accept that. I am a decent writer, but there is no kind of writing I have done which has engaged or energized me as much as teaching adolescents has done. I did not find my field until I was almost 50 — my mother had worried that I would like her take a long time to grow up. She probably never did. I’m not sure I have as yet, although I am getting closer.
When I took my current job at DeMatha, I promised them I would stay for four years if they wanted me, until my wife was eligible for Social Security, and then we would reevaluate. I have a contract for next year, which will be my third. We have talked about my adding an elective the following year: I would like to teach a semester course on the 1960s. which in many ways is the decade that still shapes our society. My wife the historian says it is as critical a decade to our history as were the 1860s. And of course I lived through it. I would certainly back up to some events as far back as Truman and of Jackie Robinson, and I would probably go through Watergate. I am excited about the possibility.
And yet, I wonder if that will happen. I primarily teach US Government. Increasingly I have to ask what it is I am teaching, what will I be teaching? It is not clear to either my wife or myself that our democratic republic is going to survive. The roots of the problem clearly go back decades. certainly to the time of Goldwater and later some of the abuses that happened under Nixon. But Goldwater was willing to tell Nixon to his face that he would vote to remove him from office, which may have helped Nixon to decide to resign without a further struggle. We should also remember that both Manafort and Stone were products of the time of Nixon. We can and should revisit Ford’s decision to pardon Nixon, setting a precedent for not holding a President accountable. We can see the ridiculing of one of the finest men to serve as President (even if not that effective as a President) Jimmy Carter, who put solar panels on the White House and who made human rights a key part of his foreign policy. To my mind the 8 years of Reagan did real damage, beginning to dismantle some of the progress that had been made.
I could go on and on… things are much worse, in part because of technology, in part because key institutions have either been dismantled or heavily undermined. The era of Trumpism is continuing to damage our polity and our society. Racism has effectively been legitimized again.
My wife and I ponder whether we want to remain here if what we fear comes to pass. She has many Canadian relatives, and she twice lived in the UK, once when her father was on a fellowshio there, and later during her 3 years of graduate studies at Oxford. Yet both countries are more difficult to immigrate to than most Americans realize. In a sense neither of has a skill set that puts us in demand — I teach American History and Government and she is a specialist in American Studies of various kinds. Yes there are university teaching slots for American studies in both countries, but she is not the one who likes to teach, I am, and I lack the qualifications to be a university instructor. We actually would probably NOT need additional income from jobs to afford to live in either country, but the problem is qualifying for admittance, even if only as a permanent resident not seeking citizenship. And then there would be the problem (very severe in the case of the UK) of attempting to immigrate with our cats, which therefore might require us to stay in the US.
So that’s a rough overview of how I came to be who and what I am, and something of what I think about going forward. My mother died in her 40s, but both of her siblings lived until their 90s. My dad was in his 80s but several of his siblings lived until their 90s. My wife’s father and his father both lived into their 90s. We do not know how much longer we may have. My wife lives with a blood cancer that so far is manageable but not curable, although that could change. She has so far survived more than 8 years with it. I have a stent in my aorta and have survived a stroke. I no longer can push myself the way I used to, I tire much more easily.
I can look back over my 75 years. Were there opportunities missed? Well, I did turn down a Peace Corps appointment to the Philippines that I could regret, except had I taken it I never would have met Leaves. Have there been successes? Each year during Teacher Appreciation Week I ask former students to update me on their lives. Seeing how they have grown gives me satisfaction, especially when they choose to thank me for things they remember.
I have not written much recently. With the school year just about over (I am done with my seniors and have only 3 more classes to teach to my one set of juniors before they write their final essays) perhaps I will have the time and energy to think and write more frequently, but only if I think I have something relevant to share.
I thank you if you have persisted to this point. If you choose to comment, I look forward to your words.
And I will end as I have on so many of my posts here with my fervent hope and desire, in so many dimensions:
PEACE