“Does Donald Trump Need A Dog?”
It's 5:30 in the morning, and while I’m not thinking all that clearly, I am wondering why Donald Trump doesn’t have a dog?
He could early-morning tweet about how his dog
is bigger and prettier and smarter and stronger and lots more fun then Obama’s dog.
He could make Bill Barr publicly scoop up the dog’s poop.
He could bring back Sloppy Steve Bannon
and force him to bathe the dog.
He might have Hope Hicks come around
and occasionally issue a press release
about the super tricks the dog has been doing.
Having learned the art of lying from Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Kayleigh McEnany would substantiate that.
Imagine Sean Spicer back behind the podium telling the world that Trump’s dog drew the biggest crowds ever seen at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in the history of Madison Square Garden.
QAnon and Breitbart would zealously spread stories about the dog sniffing out ObamaGate conspiracies by the dozen.
Fox’s Hannity, Ingraham and Carlson would eagerly substantiate those stories.
Melania would likely stew silently when Donald pulls the dogs ears or swats it’s rump.
Jared Kushner might skulk about the West Wing wondering if he could put the dog up for sale on E-Bay, to raise money for his floundering real estate empire.
Ivanka would no doubt picture the dog tooling about in her newly minted doggy clothing line.
Don Jr. is thinking about eventually stuffing and mounting dad’s dog.
Wayne LaPierre is preparing the next great NRA meme;
“The only safe dog is an armed dog.”
“I’m not saying this,” Trump tweeted,
“but people are saying that Obama’s dog was not born in the US; might be a Muslim dog. We need to see his papers.”