As you watch this clip, recall that our ex-pr*sident believes this is one of the few U.S. media outlets that is not “fake news.” I don’t watch a lot of One America News (OAN) because the railroad spike never fully penetrated my amygdala, but I’ve seen enough clips to decide it isn’t for me. The network has maintained a veneer of respectability among, erm, some people because its hosts wear neutral-colored suits with a light, soothing sheen and, unlike me, are brave enough to go to upscale hair salons where the stylists refuse to wear masks over their eyes. (I’m now eschewing discount hair salons in favor of full-on, late-stage Howard Hughes hair, but when I did shell out as much as $16 for my haircuts, it would eventually become obvious that my stylists weren’t using the picture of Gary Busey I’d given them but were instead modeling my new coif on the previous client’s floor sweepings.)
But that’s neither here nor there. Really, that lede was just a lot of words intended to say, “Holy fuck, you won't believe this shit.” Not sure if I pulled it off.
Anyhoo, let’s all quaff a big mug of this MAGA madness, folks:
Aaaand … the transcript:
AMELIA MILLER: This is a heavier, this is a bracelet, like, clasp and it just kind of just sticks. Even when I move [bracelet clasp falls off]—well, when I move vigorously, obviously, but right there, it just sticks.
DAN BALL: And that's where you got the shot?
MILLER: Exactly where I got the shot. And it’s like, it can even stick sometimes back here, too. Like, it'll just pulsate, like, all the way. It's like this section. So, and my arm is almost ...
BALL: Your arm is straight down right now, I see it. Now it fell off, but it still hung for a bit and the other one didn't. Like I said, I keep an open mind about everything, because I don't know, and I haven't had the shot, I'm not going to take the shot. So, Amelia, I wish you the best, I hope you feel better. I don't know what to say. I'm speechless. I'm just going to end the interview right there and say thank you for telling your story, because it gets just more information out there and people asking questions about the legitimacy of this shot, how well does it work?
MILLER: Agreed. I think we all just want [inaudible], we do.
BALL: Amelia Miller, thanks for coming on the program. Appreciate it.
MILLER: Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Goodbye.
BALL: So there you go, folks. It's up to you. Believe it or not.
Yeah, I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna go with “not.”
This isn’t new, of course. People have been sticking metal to their arms for some time to prove that the vaccine is somehow magnetized. Or else they cite other people who’ve likewise attempted to out the nefarious anti-mass-die-off cabal. Perhaps the most notorious example is Dr. Sherri Tenpenny’s testimony before the Ohio House in which the anti-vaxxer and member of social media’s deadly “Disinformation Dozen” attempted to convey something or other (second tweet):
I’m not sure what would be proved if the vaccines were magnetic, but it’s important to point out that—you may want to sit down for this—this exercise proves exactly nothing.
Anyone can get metal to stick to their skin, thanks to natural oils and moisture and whatnot. I just did it with an old (nonmagnetic) 1-ounce Canadian silver piece that I stole off a drunk Mountie back in the ‘90s.
First, I placed it on my injection site. Oh, shit, it sticks! Someone drain my polluted blood and replace it with Hillary’s 100% Baby Plasma Solution:
Of course, I can also stick it to my forehead, which, as far as I know, has never been vaccinated:
The only conclusion I can draw from that? Man, someone really needs to trim my eyebrows. They used to do it at my discount hair salon, but that ship has long since sailed. But, yeah, that thing stuck to my forehead like that for at least 10 minutes while I wrapped up this post. I should be scared witless, but for some reason I’m not.
How sad and meaningless must your life be to make you want to peddle this kind of deadly disinformation in exchange for eyeballs and clicks? OAN was just sued by Dominion Voting Systems over the network’s serial election lies. Maybe someone, somewhere can strike up a class-action suit against the network for, you know, willfully killing people.
It would be a start. And hopefully an end. For OAN.
P.S. If you want to drink in a bit more of this loopy libation, you can peep it here at Media Matters for America.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
