Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, September 9, 2021
Note: NFL season starts today as the Cowboys play the Buccaneers. I believe that's your cue to start tap dancing with sparklers. Or something.
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By the Numbers:
11 days. No fuss, no suppression, no right-wing assholes screaming in your face. Nice.
Days 'til the federal elections in Canada: 11
Days 'til the next full "harvest moon": 9
Percent of U.S. adults who have received at least one Covid shot: 75%
Percent of employed Americans who are women: 47%
Percent of college freshmen attending either two- or four-year school who say they’re optimistic about their personal lives, including 28 percent who are “super” optimistic, according to an online NBC News/Generation Lab poll: 92%
Percent of them who say they definitely or probably plan to get married, with nearly 4 in 5 planning to have children: 88%
Sales of marijuana in Maine last month, a new record "high" that generated $1 million in tax revenue: $10.2 million
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
You gotta admit, prejudice is as American as apple pie. I hear tell these Mexicans keep crossing the border so they can get on welfare and get healthcare and all these goodies. Funny, we don’t have goodies in Texas, but they keep moving here to work anyway
Bush was planning to take a stab at resolving the problem, particularly on the Mexican border, with a guest-worker program. But the House Republicans had a hissy fit, claimed it was an “amnesty program” and demanded harsher measures, militarization of the border, a big fence. Not gonna work, y’all.
Build a 50-foot fence, and they’ll build a 51-foot ladder.
Hire Halliburton with a no-bid contract to build the fence, and it will hire illegal workers to do it.
—July, 2006
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Rabbi Mandy will sing for you now…
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CHEERS to the home of 55 Awesome Electoral Votes. Our first cheer of the morning goes out to our lefty-coaster friends: on September 9, 1850, California became the 31st state in the union and began its amazing journey to becoming the fifth-largest economy in the world. I have nothing but a “we’re not worthy” mantra to offer as you use your legislative and judicial guns to stymie the GOP fascists in D.C. at every opportunity when they have power. And you make pretty good movies sometimes, too, not to mention great vino. And being home to the Freeway Blogger is icing on the cake...
For showing us how to be a beacon of democracy and looking so good doing it (have you had work done?), C&J salutes the Golden State. And if there's anything, anything at all that the rest of us can do to make you more comfortable—like, say, dousing your wildfires, ending your drought, or stuffing the ballot box to keep Governor Newsom in power—just ask. We love you, California. We love you, we love you, we love you. Especially every four years in November.
P.S. 44 has a message for ya, Golden Staters…
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CHEERS to rolling up the ol' sleeves and doing the people's business. After a splendid August munching cocktail weenies with all the cool millionaires on Nantucket, the members of the Senate are swathed in their gussiest togas again and ready to work with the House on making life a little more pleasant for us, the unwashed village rabble. On your mark…get set…legislate!!!
In a race against the clock, Democratic leaders in Congress are working frenetically to craft a multitrillion-dollar bill to expand the social safety net with plans to hit the gas and start moving it through the House this week.
The bill would include 12 weeks of paid family and medical leave for all workers; expanded Medicare benefits to add dental, hearing and vision coverage; and new investments to bolster nursing homes and long-term care, among other provisions. […]
So far, so good. Your turn, Senate.
A centerpiece of the package would be an extension of the monthly child cash allowance for families with qualifying incomes—$300 per child under 6 and $250 per child 6 to 17 years old. […]
On Tuesday, Biden, who appeared with Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., in Queens, New York, to survey the damage from Hurricane Ida, emphasized the climate change investments. "The threat is here," Biden said. "We can stop it from getting worse.
Republicans say they're all-in on the legislation, as long as it contains mandatory horse pill distribution, an increase in fossil fuel subsidies, privatization of Medicare, and a ban on everybody always yelling "Hey asshole!" at them in airports and stores and on the street. (They're very sensitive, you know.)
CHEERS to today's edition of Don’t Let the Door Hit Ya Where the Good Lord Split Ya. Courtesy of The Art Newspaper and the Joe.My.God. blog:
After a protracted legal battle, the Italian culture ministry has evicted Benjamin Harnwell, a British Catholic conservative, from the 13th-century Italian monastery where he planned to launch a right-wing political academy with Donald Trump’s former chief strategist, Steve Bannon.
Bannon has touted the project as “gladiator school” for the European far-right.
This has been today's edition of Don’t Let the Door Hit Ya Where the Good Lord Split Ya.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to the Founding Flip-floppers. On this date in 1776, the Continental Congress, caving to the pressure of cutthroat lobbyists and industrialist billionaires, officially changed our country's name from "United Colonies" to "United States." Of course, the name has changed again in recent years. Thanks exclusively to the covid-riddled Republican hate cult, today we call it, "United? Ha."
CHEERS to gravity. Let us doff our blue kepis and say a brief "thoughts and prayers" for our Confederate nation-mates as they watch their hero Robert E. Lee take another faceplant 158 years after Gettysburg and 156 years after Appomattox. Okay, I think two seconds is long enough, now take the traitor down:
Now there's something you never saw in Germany 30 to 50 years after World War II: mass-produced propaganda statues honoring Hitler's generals (sitting atop their trusty panzers?) being erected by "Daughters of the Third Reich." But that's essentially what we allowed to fester over here. I guess that's what happens when you drop your country on its head at birth.
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 9, 2011
JEERS to Juicepocalypse. Whoa—the worst power outage in 40 years turned the southwest into a vast wasteland of marauding gangs firing catapults filled with hot lead at each other from dune buggies retrofitted with crude armor fashioned out of corrugated aluminum and sections of wrought-iron fence yanked from their foundations. (The nuns have since returned to the convent with orders to say 25 Hail Marys each.) The power is back up and things are getting back to normal. Thankfully the damage was mostly confined to unattended sex toys roaring back to life, breaking furniture and smashing windows. No injuries, but several red faces.
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And just one more…
JEERS to President Perv. P. Pervert. We whisk you back now to a simpler, more innocent time, when children played stickball in the streets, cherry pies cooled on windowsills, and Lean Back by Terror Squad was at the top of the pop charts. Seventeen years ago this week, creepy President George W. Bush took a deep breath, disengaged brain, and bellowed: "We got an issue in America. Too many good docs are gettin' out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." They got it on tape and everything…
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I always wondered why he didn’t express the same concern about proctologists. After all, the only doctors willing to examine him and his cabinet members were the ones who specialize in practicing their love with assholes.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Pelosi basically tells Manchin to shove it on hitting 'pause' on the new $3.5 trillion Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool
—Daily Kos
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