The investigations into Donald J. Trump's acts of violence-provoking sedition, outright theft of national security documents, and lifelong financial crookery are not advancing swiftly enough. I say this because the treasonous jackass still apparently has legal teams available to do his usual performative stunts, even as the B and C teams of strip mall ambulance chasers fumble their way through legal briefs meant to delay state and federal investigations into those crimes. Yes, lawyers continue to work for him. Couldn't tell you why.
In yet another lawsuit from Donald the Traitor, Donald is this time suing CNN for alleged "libel and slander." The Washington Post is among the outlets bringing us that new news, and the most important bit to know is that this is, yet again, just another stunt from Donald. He does this regularly, suing the Post and The New York Times and, yes, CNN for reporting and opinion-having that he personally took offense with. CNN has engaged in a "campaign" of "libel and slander," Donald whines through his lawyers.
One example Donald gives, as plucked out by the Post, is that singer and national damn legend Linda Ronstadt compared Donald Trump's presidency to the leadership of Nazi Germany, which is completely rude because Ronstadt is "a singer, not a historian," so how dare CNN air such a thing.
Yeah, wow, how dare media outlets invite entertainers onto their airwaves to talk about things they are not properly accredited to discuss. Ted Nugent is turning over in his grave, or would be if he didn't keep crawling out of the damn thing.
This is how America works, for better or for worse. The Duck Dynasty guys dress up in their little costumes and explain Jesus to you. The famous football player gets scraped out of a post-career life that flits between tenuous and catastrophic to instead be propped up as a political figure, one who will explain trees to you. A narcissistic incompetent known for crookedness-tinged and asinine business choices gets his ramblings edited and re-edited into something presentable enough for the faux-reality television circuit, securing enough new fame to launch himself into a run-amok presidency riddled with incompetence and crookedness and, by the end of the thing, the first real attempt at toppling the United States government since the Civil War.
One of the prices for ascending to the presidency of the United States of America is that Linda Ronstadt is allowed to call you a treason-sucking Nazi if she wants to. It's in the pamphlet you get when you sign on for the job. Suck it up, dear Snowflake of Mar-a-Lago.
The point of Donald's lawsuit against CNN is not to win money from CNN—though Donald is asking for $475 million in punitive damages, of course—but to be a performance. There are a million cheap con artists in America who turn to threats of lawsuits against anyone who exposes them for what they are; when you are a rich con artist, however, you can afford to actually file the lawsuits. This is a performative step intended to signal that you really are super, super mad that the mean people said mean things about you, and is generally deployed so that your new enemy has to burn money responding to you.
Donald is paying his lawyers a certain (probably very small) amount of money so that the people who insulted him have to pay more money than that to fend him off. This is a fabulously popular way for rich but unprincipled snots to harm individual critics, as when a Kennedy demands to know the identity of a pseudonymous writer who pointed out the political scion showed up at an event promoting the German far-right. Donald, however, is bad at this, and does not understand that it does practically nothing when deployed against a media empire that already has lawyers permanently on staff.
Since Donald keeps getting slapped down by the courts when he tries these things, CNN can even be a bit creative in responding to his lawsuit; there is next to no chance it will not be dismissed by the first judge to read through the thing. Perhaps CNN's response can be entirely in limerick form. Perhaps the first letter of each sentence could spell out a vulgar phrase directed at the Mar-a-Traitor.
In the meantime, Donald will no doubt be telling rally crowds that he's really going to stick it to CNN in the media, just you wait. This is his schtick. This is what he does. That's because he's a lying, tax-cheating, dog-hating, citrus-hued seditionist, con artist, rapist, and fascist. We're allowed to say that. Here in not-Nazi America, literally everyone is allowed to say that.
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