First Donald Trump lost Mo Brooks, and now Ivanka and Jared. If Randy Quaid makes a Ron DeSantis bust out of earwax, molted skin, and toenail clippings, we’ll really know the ocher oaf is in trouble.
The ex-presidential cosplayer who stole top secret nuclear documents, literally tried to end America, and gravely irked Mitch McConnell with his Senate endorsements is eyeing another four years of slow, simmering treason, punctuated by intermittent outbursts of high crimes. But first he has to convince a weary nation to get behind him and, according to new reports, he can’t even persuade his third-favorite person (after himself and his cryogenically preserved organ-donor clone) to join the party.
The New York Post is reporting that Trump spent much of the weekend trying to convince his daughter Ivanka and the origami goose she married to show up at his Tuesday campaign launch, where he plans to further horrify an already traumatized world with another Adderall-facilitated Hitler goof rally. But so far he’s had no luck.
RELATED: Ex-MAGA mite Mo Brooks says Trump is ‘dishonest, disloyal, incompetent, crude’
From Business Insider, because fuck Rupert Murdoch and his “media” empire:
An unnamed source told the paper that the couple was "holding firm" after Trump spent much of the weekend coaxing them at Mar-a-Lago, as the family gathered for Tiffany Trump's lavish wedding. ...
The Post's source told the paper: "Trump thought he could convince Ivanka this weekend to come back and campaign for him as she was the most requested speaker after the president himself last time around."
"But so far she's resisting his entreaties and holding firm, as is Jared," they continued. "They both feel they got burned in Washington and don't want to go back and expose themselves and their children to another bitter campaign."
Of course, it’s both amusing and revealing that this story is showing up in Murdoch’s New York Post, which spent years debasing itself at the same altar Trump used to sacrifice America’s deeply held values and fast-fading credibility. Ever since Trump’s merde-ous touch sunk Republicans’ hopes for a red wave last Tuesday, Murdoch and his media properties have been kicking the crutch out from The Former Guy as if he were an elderly, disabled veteran struggling to get by on Social Security.
Then again, the Post isn’t the only outlet highlighting the Trump-Kushner cold war. CNN recently reported that the Kushner clan is 100% done with politics. (Securing $2 billion in sketchy funding from Prince Bone Saws tends to reorient your priorities, apparently.)
Senior adviser to the president is not a role Ivanka Trump wishes to resurrect.
“(Ivanka) would never go back to that life,” says one of the people familiar with her thinking. “She knows it’s not something that would serve her or her family at this point.”
Another person says Ivanka has been “done” with Washington “since the day she left” and that “hasn’t changed.” A third person contends if Ivanka had any interest in taking part in politics again, people would have seen her on the campaign trail, pushing candidates for the midterms. Yet she made zero appearances or public endorsements, despite requests for participation by some of those in tight races, says a person with knowledge.
Aw, man. A Trump campaign with no Ivanka or Jared? That’s like a Brady Bunch reunion without Marcia and Cousin Oliver. Who wants to watch that show? And who’s gonna be in charge of Middle East peace in the Trump 2.0 administration? Scott Baio’s expertise is in Sino-Russian relations, so he can’t do it.
The source the Post spoke with also said that Trump’s discussions with family members caused “extra behind-the-scenes tension” at Tiffany Trump’s wedding this past weekend. Because why wouldn’t Trump ruin his own daughter’s special day? After all, he’s done it to all of us more than we can possibly count.
And here you thought the midterms were over. Oh, no. Raphael Warnock is still defending his Senate seat. If you can—and if you aren’t too tired of saving America—rush a donation to Warnock now. Let’s finish up strong!
RELATED STORIES:
Trump summons dregs of Republicanism for 'announcement' that may or may not launch new campaign
Trump is reportedly 'cranky' as he cools his heels at Mar-a-Lago following midterm fumbles
The Trump-DeSantis clash has begun in earnest. May the worst man win
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.