Okay, you won’t believe this one. Or, rather, you will, but the barf bags you label “M, Tu, W, Th, F” in anticipation of the coming week in conservatism will fill up faster than a pair of Trump family pantaloons at a New York deposition. J.D. Vance, the guy who less than a week ago blithely proclaimed that he doesn’t “really care what happens to Ukraine,” is now criticizing Joe Biden for his supposed “lack of leadership” on the world stage.
Vance was briefly a media darling after he wrote a book that supposedly gave us insight into why millions of poor Appalachian folks thought a guy who couldn’t keep blackjack dealers employed in Atlantic City could somehow bring jobs back to coal country.
It’s not that Vance loved Donald Trump. But his lived experience was supposedly valuable in opening our eyes to the brutal realities that led so many working-class Americans down such a dark orange path. In fact, in 2016, the author was downright scathing when it came to Trump—then he realized he wanted to run for a Senate seat in Ohio, at which point his strongly held principles were hoovered straight up the ocher ape’s sphincter, along with the rest of his straight-talking good-ol’-boy shtick.
And now, once again, Vance is flippin’ and floppin’ like a stunned carp at the bottom of a canoe. Just days ago, Vance was on a far-right-wing media tour, pooh-poohing Ukrainians’ plight.
(Rambling) transcript!
VANCE: “When I graduated from high school in 2003, two kids on my block graduated from high school in 2003, both of us enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps. We did not serve in the Marine Corps to go and fight Vladimir Putin because he didn’t believe in transgender rights, right, which is what the U.S. State Department is saying is a major problem with Russia. At the end of the day, we serve to defend our own country, and I think it’s ridiculous that we’re focused on this border in Ukraine.
I got to be honest with you, I don’t really care what happens to Ukraine one way or another. I do care about the fact that in my community right now, the leading cause of death among 18- to 45-year-olds is Mexican fentanyl that’s coming across the southern border. I’m sick of Joe Biden focusing on the border of a country I don’t care about while he lets the border of his own country become a total war zone.”
Okay, there are a lot of indications here that Vance has gone full-frothing MAGA. For one thing, that logo in the bottom-right corner. He’s spewing this whataboutist nonsense on Steve Bannon’s War Room—a show that’s roughly the equivalent of watching Bigfoot attempt to recite Mein Kampf out of his asshole.
For another, Vance is regurgitating the bizarre Republican talking point that huge fentanyl seizures at the border are somehow evidence that Biden has opened up the border to drug smugglers. Erm, no.
But the biggest problem with that rant is that Vance now wants us all to believe he’s actually deeply concerned about the welfare of Ukraine and its sovereign citizens.
The Daily Beast:
Vance issued a lengthy statement Thursday decrying policy failures that have endured “for decades,” while praising former President Donald Trump. “Trump deserves an incredible amount of credit for the strength and diplomatic engagement that kept Putin in check—and Biden an equal amount of blame for his lack of leadership,” he said. (Vance notably omitted the gushing applause Trump heaped on Putin hours after the invasion.) The statement describing the invasion as “unquestionably a tragedy” was a dizzying change in tune from the message of indifference he shared on Steven Bannon’s podcast days earlier. “I gotta be honest with you, I don’t really care what happens to Ukraine one way or another,” he said on Saturday. He doubled down in a subsequent statement saying, “spare me the performative affection for the Ukraine.”
And here’s Vance’s full flip-floppy statement, in case you want to fill up another barf bag.
Whoops!
Of course, Vance is likely willing to say anything right now that would enliven his moribund campaign. Polling indicates that he’s dropped to fourth place in Ohio’s GOP Senate primary race, with an uninspiring 14.3% of the likely vote. Meanwhile, he’s also getting crushed when it comes to fundraising. Perhaps Vance should have known that Trump would create a weird cult that burns down everything in its path before he decided to badmouth the big guy all those years ago.
Better go back to writing novels, J.D. Trump will need a ghostwriter eventually, and you’re just the kind of ghoul who can get it done.
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