Donald Trump held one of his patented Loser-Palooza rallies on Saturday night but to be honest, I paid scant attention. I assume windmills still cause cancer; he’s still pretending he won the 2020 election; and President Joe Biden, who’s never once bragged about passing a dementia test that’s only administered to patients with clear signs of dementia, is not stable-genius-y enough to be commander in chief.
Without hearing any of his speech, I can reasonably conclude it was another protracted circle jerk with no climax—full of barmy bullshit and signifying nothing. His democracy-flaying demagoguery barely rates a mention in the media anymore because frankly, his star is beginning to fade—and unless he spends at least 15 minutes squatting over a bedpan while grunting out the Russian national anthem, nothing he does on stage is shocking anymore.
But that doesn’t mean there wasn’t news to be made. Hey, you want Donald Trump to be the next speaker of the House? Because I sure don’t. But that’s exactly what some Republicans are angling for.
REP. MATT GAETZ: “… give us the ability to fire Nancy Pelosi, take back the majority, impeach Joe Biden, and I’m gonna nominate Donald Trump for speaker of the United States House of Representatives.”
Hmm, well I don’t want any of those awful things to happen. How about you?
Of course, Gaetz is about as likely to be in the big house as the House of Representatives next January, but I can’t help thinking that maybe—just maybe—this sort of loose talk might motivate our side. That is, if Republicans’ serial Putin-coddling, their largely successful efforts to vaporize Roe v. Wade, and the clear and present danger they pose to our democracy aren’t quite enough. Maybe the thought of Donald Trump being second in line to the presidency might persuade a hefty percentage of those 81 million voters who 86’d him in the last election to tear themselves away from Candy Crush long enough to vote.
And of course they’ll try to impeach Biden. Over what, I have no idea. But I have no doubt they’ll come up with something if given the chance. Do you really want to see Donald Trump, who was legitimately impeached twice, presiding over kangaroo impeachment hearings targeting President Biden? (Again, you don’t actually need to be a member of the House to become House speaker, so this is by no means outside the realm of possibility.)
Glenn Youngkin was able to win the Virginia governor’s race by being Trumpy enough to galvanize the racists but not quite Trumpy enough to evoke the moldering-yak stank of Trump himself. With this Gaetz quote, we can remind the electorate that Youngkin doesn’t really represent the modern GOP. QAnon-adjacent Florida Man and alleged sex trafficker Matt Gaetz does. And he wants this luffing whale scrotum back in your face 24/7.
Get registered to vote—now, before it’s too late. Make a plan. And if you can spare a few dollars, donate to your favorite Democrat.
That is, unless you want to watch the most corrupt American politician in the history of our republic gaveling down Democrats as they fecklessly defend one of the most honest, genuine, conscientious, and hard-working people in Washington against greasy gobs of trumped-up nonsense.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
