This is the ninth installment of the mental health series that I started at the beginning of the month. I am planning to take a pause in the middle of June, unless others want me to keep going. I am honestly fighting a lot of vulnerability, shame, and regret. This series is not an easy one for me to share!
Before reading this diary, I would go back and read the second diary in the series titled “For the First Time in Forever” — An Intro to Bipolar Disorder. It will give you the background information you need to fully appreciate this particular diary. The other diaries can be read as well, but they are more about depression than about the topic being covered today, which is mania and hypomania. The best way to introduce bipolar disorder is to tackle some myths about mania and hypomania.
- Myth: Mania/hypomania feels great to someone with bipolar.
Truth: While it does feel good at first, the weight of your actions you take in this state eventually come back to haunt you later. Also, the lack of sleep wears on the body after a while. As always, coming down from it is like any other withdrawal — very painful process to quit cold turkey.
- Myth: People who have mania/hypomania are always in a great mood.
Truth: While there are periods of good moods, mania can also bring increased irritability and increased reckless behavior and actions. A person in the manic phase often quickly snaps at the slightest offense. Cannot tell me that feels good, man! Especially not true if psychotic symptoms start coming.
- Myth: People in a mania are always having fun.
Truth: It may look that way from the outside, but in the brain there is an astonishing lack of impulse control and inability to make rational decisions. The fun isn’t on purpose and it is usually dangerous.
- Myth: These are just mood swings. Get over yourself!
Truth: Bipolar symptoms fall into an easily grouped category of actions and emotions. It is not simply waking up one day and deciding to be happy or manic. Psychiatrists carefully log behaviors mentioned by the patient before diagnosing. It’s not you aren’t sleeping because of a deadline.
- Myth: Only depressed people with bipolar are dangerous.
Truth: In fact, it is quite the opposite. Those who are depressed generally self-harm, while those with mania have the ability through reckless decisions to harm others as well as themselves. The only people that made me afraid in my psych ward stay were ones that were clearly manic.
The experience of what speed the mind works during bipolar mania and hypomania is best exemplified by the Eminem song “Rap God”. WARNING: explicit and vulgar content
I created most of the original content of this mental health story arc while under the spell of a hypomanic to borderline manic episode. Here’s how I described how I felt at the time.
What I feel like when I have a hypomanic phase (which is today):
My man, Eminem, hits it on multiple levels for me.
The beginning is exactly when you should carefully make me realize I am ready for a huge episode. It's the warning label for hypomania.
Hypomania means jumping around from task to task as fast as the verses here do.
It also means that you think that you know everything and can do everything in one day (song). I basically exhaust myself because I have no time boundaries. I am the rap god.
This is the diss track of rap diss tracks. I am above reproach, how DARE you criticize me! I will lash back now if you criticize my goals. I know the mania will end and I want to get EVERYTHING DONE.
There is no filter. I will tell you EXACTLY what I think. I will ignore your boundaries because I am god.
You are going to have to keep up with me, or I will abandon your priorities. Think the part where he goes at ultra speed. Could you keep up? It's impossible.
This will lead to a HUGE crash. This is how you cycle too quickly between hypomania and depression. And I am a Covid long hauler, so I guarantee a huge crash as my body cannot keep up now.
It is so damn creative. I am capable of doing ANYTHING. I AM RAP GOD. I have already had 6 great ideas today to better myself, including this post. I self-processed about 10 YEARS of my life using therapy I had never done... with two Frozen songs!
-me on Facebook, December 28, 2020
But how do you stop it? There is no simple answer. The best way is to notice the signs of an episode building and nip them in the bud by talking to your psychiatrist about a med adjustment. I was lucky and I caught the last hypomanic episode (which led me to come back to posting here) in time for the doctors to quickly drop my anti-depressant and add an anti-psychotic.
The video below talks about the manic prodrome, which is the short period in time where you can catch an upcoming manic episode and lessen the severity of it before you get out of control.
Watch out for an unusually high elevated mood, no need for sleep, and increased activity (such as agitation, increased spending, hypersexuality, more work hours above normal, take on unusual tasks). It can be difficult to distinguish unless you look back on previous episodes and look for the signs and specific things that are patterns to documenting your mania.
Well, I hope this is a good introduction to what mania and hypomania are. Next time, in “Anna Can Sing Let it Go Too” — When You Lose Control of Mania, I will explore hypomania and mania further through Anna and her relationship with Hans at the beginning of the movie.
Until next time!