Let’s Check the Tote Board
It’s been a couple of weeks since we checked in on the Daily Kos relief fund for the Ukrainian civilians affected by dying dicktator Vladimir Putin’s ruthless land grab. As of this morning, we’ve passed the two-and-a-half-million mark:
$2,512,641.05
If you'd like to add to the total for the five chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, the International Rescue Committee, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will help you take care of the rest. Many thanks.
It should be noted that, in addition to running into a buzzsaw of unexpected resistance and suffering huge losses, Putin has never been invited by ABC to be on a season of Dancing with the Stars, like his American idol Tucker Carlson has. I don’t care how much mad cow has chowed down on his brain, that’s still gotta hurt.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 31, 2022
Note: We hope you had a nice Memorial Day weekend. As promised, here are my fresh wounds from the first Jarts tournament of 2022: here….here…here here and here…oh, and these sixteen here that form a heart shape. Final score, as usual: 0-0.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Juneteenth: 19
Days 'til the Aledo Rhubarb Festival in Illinois: 3
Amount of time spent by the Big 3 and cable news networks covering anti-trans violence in 2021, according to Media Matters: 43 minutes
Number of those minutes that aired on MSNBC: 29
Latest first-time unemployment claims number, lower than expected, according to the Labor Dept.: 210,000
Current number of upper age limits in force to join the Russian military these days: 0
Percent chance that "Tiny crab robots are so small they can walk on top of a US penny" is an actual headline at CNN: 100%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Glamour shots Fail…
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JEERS to morning in America. As we wipe the Memorial Day weekend sleepies from our eyes and face the new dawn, a little post-holiday checklist of the legislative accomplishments of the Democratic party since Joe Biden took office 16 months ago. Remember, we were promised all of these things if we'd just move Heaven and Earth to get Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock elected in Georgia:
Pandemic relief bill? Yep!
Infrastructure bill? Yep!
Election reform/Voter rights? Nope.
Immigration reform? Nope.
Equality Act? Nope.
Women's rights? Nope.
Childhood poverty? Yep...but then Nope.
Student loan debt relief? Nope.
D.C. and Puerto Rico statehood? Nope.
Rein-in-the-police reform? Nope.
Gun control? Nope.
Climate change? Nope.
If you need a tube of aloe to treat your victory windburn, we now have it on sale at a 90 percent discount in the C&J gift shop. For reasons that elude us, it's just not flying off the shelves at the moment.
CHEERS to primary fevuh! I checked the latest schedule, and apparently Americans are too hungover to pull any levers, push any touch screen buttons, or fill in any ovals (completely, and only with a black felt-tip marker) today, thus giving the Daily Kos Elections Team a rare free Tuesday night to spend down at the titty bar. (To be fair: both female and male titties.) But there is one contest up here in our neighborhood, where the squirrels are lined up to vote for the one to perform the annual summer ritual of putting the collar with the bell on it around the neck of the cat. If past is prologue, the job will once again go to Gladys, the only member of the den who has truly mastered the preliminary step of whacking the target with a cat head-sized skillet first. Polls close at 8pm. Please join us as we liveblog the results at 8:01, or not, your choice, because it's gonna be Gladys. It's always Gladys.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to Ol' Marble Butt. 100 years ago this week, on May 30, 1922—eight years after construction began and nine years after the original chocolate one melted—the Lincoln Memorial was dedicated in Washington, and immediately classed up the joint by 800 percent:
Lincoln's statue was sculpted by Daniel Chester French (1850-1931); plaster casts of Lincoln's hands and face were used to make the statue.
The statue is over 3 times actual size; if the statue could stand up, it would be 28 feet tall. The murals were done by Jules Guerin. The 36 Doric columns represent the 36 states of the Union at the time of President Lincoln's death in 1865.
You can go all panoramic at this cool web page. Honest Abe weighs an astonishing 120 tons. It'd be a lot less if you tourists would quit feeding him chili dogs.
JEERS to turbulent times ahead. Here we go again. Enjoy the next 16 hours, all you gulf- and east-coasters, because the 2022 hurricane season starts at midnight. The NOAA forecast suggests it could be a crusher:
Forecasters at NOAA’s Climate Prediction Center are predicting above-average hurricane activity this year—which would make it the seventh consecutive above-average hurricane season.
NOAA’s outlook for the 2022 Atlantic hurricane season, which extends from June 1 to November 30, predicts a 65% chance of an above-normal season.
For the 2022 hurricane season, NOAA is forecasting a likely range of 14 to 21 named storms (winds of 39 mph or higher), of which 6 to 10 could become hurricanes (winds of 74 mph or higher), including 3 to 6 major hurricanes (category 3, 4 or 5; with winds of 111 mph or higher).
And as a reminder, here are the names associated with the Hurricane Class of 2022 in an easy-to-remember format I’ve created exclusively for C&J readers:
Alex Trebek, Bonnie Raitt, Colin Mochrie, Danielle Steele, Earl Grey, Fiona Apple, Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, Hermine from Harry Potter but with a different spelling, Ian McKellan, Julia Child, Karl the Greenskeeper except spelled with a K, Lisa Simpson, Martin Short, Nicole Wallace minus one of the double l's, Owen Wilson, Paula Abdul, Richard the Third, Shary Boyle, Tobias Fünke, Carry Me Back to Old Virginie, and Walter the fish from On Golden Pond.
If the last three letters of the alphabet are needed, NOAA will use the usual "X Marks the Spot," "You've Gotta Be Shitting Me, Another One???" and "Zombie Hurricane Season from Hell.”
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 31, 2012
CHEERS to the dimwit distraction. Here's what history will remember from yesterday when it puts pen to parchment:
Mitt Romney officially clinched enough delegates to become the Republican presidential nominee after winning the Texas primary last night. Yee-haw!!!!
In the "Facepalm Heard Round the World," Mitt Romney embraced his surrogate Donald Trump just moments after the TV host doubled down on his birther conspiracy theory that the sitting President of the United States isn’t really a citizen of the United States.
On the bright side, we hear their private jets struck up a conversation on the tarmac and are now dating. (But between you and me, I think Trump's plane just wants to score a little tail.)
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a guy who classed up the republic. Here's your brain food for the day, courtesy of birthday boy Walt Whitman, born May 31, 1819:
“This is what you shall do;
Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.”
Oh, waitress? I’ll have what he’s having.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Cheers and Jeers serves up more of Bill in Portland Maine’s finest fan service.
—Ben Lindbergh
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