I love Mike Pence!
I know that it’s probably not politically correct on Daily Kos to say that I love Mike Pence. But I do love him. I fell in love with him the first time I laid eggs on him. And being the good Christian that he is, I’m sure that he’ll carry them to full term. I can’t help but love Mike Pence. What can I say? I’m attracted to shitheads. My sister loves Mike Pence, too. She sat with me on the shithead and let out a fart. I said, “Not while I’m eating!” But this shithead may have saved our democracy by doing the right thing – by certifying the results of the 2020 election. It was the most secure election in our history. Sure, there was massive voter fraud. But despite this, Donald Trump still managed to lose.
I was with him when Donald Trump tried to pressure him to go along with John Eastman’s crazy plot to have fake electors vote for Donald Trump. And my man showed spine – he refused to go along with Trump’s request to overthrow our government. The Trump mob was livid and wanted to hang Mike Pence. I can tell you from personal experience that Mike Pence is already well-hung. And I didn’t want him to hang around the Trump mob. They would have left him hanging out to dry. But I’ll stop with these jokes. Mike Pence does not like gallows humor. And he hates fly jokes. He hated when he ordered a Hamburger last week at Wendy’s and the server asked, “Would you like some flies with that?”
For four hours, I prayed with Mike Pence. We read the Bible together while hiding in a secure location. It gave him strength and resolve. He told me that the Bible is very powerful, especially if you throw it at Donald Trump from three feet away. But the Secret Service would not allow Pence to do that. They protected Trump by yelling, “Donald, duck!” While the Secret Service has a sense of humor, there is no way that we could trust them with our safety. We refused to get in their car. There’s no telling where they would have driven us. For now, Mike Pence is hiding safely at Madame Tussaud’s wax museum in London. I just wish they wouldn’t keep him that close to the fireplace.
And here we are. Trump is still telling the Big Lie. When the GOP created this Frankenstein monster in 2016, they yelled, “It’s a lie! It’s a lie!” But his worshippers believe the Big Lie. They are willing to jump off a cliff for Donald Trump. That’s quite a leap of faith. And his Republican sycophants love the Big Lie. Oleaginous sycophants like Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham. They love to sit on Trump’s face and yell, “Lie to me again, Pinocchio!”
Mike and I are watching the January 6th hearings. And they show what a wonderful and courageous man Mike Pence is. He will run for president in 2024. Please vote for him. Donald Trump will also run in 2024. We just hope that Feds catch him.
Sincerely,
The Fly