Well, that was some testimony, huh? Where does Trump go from here, other than further down the road to ignominy? Or maybe he can hop a ride to Antarctica on Hitler’s submarine. I really don’t care, so long as there’s enough Enviromental Protection Agency superfund money left to hoover his Arby’s meat sweats and loser stink lines out of our nation’s delicate moral fabric.
But never mind me. I’m a beta snowflake liberal cuck who voted for Joe Biden. I knew Trump was a rabid shit golem 15 seconds after I first laid eyes on his squalid pig-anus collage of a corpus. But what about Fox News? How did they react in the immediate aftermath of former Trump Chief of Staff Mark Meadows aide Cassidy Hutchinson’s testimony before the House Jan. 6 committee on Tuesday?
Well, um … look for yourself! Here are Fox News personalities Bret Baier, Sandra Smith, and John Roberts reacting to Hutchinson’s afternoon stroll over the endless sprawling acres of Trump’s purpling carcass.
BAIER: “We always point out that there’s not a pushback, and it would have been great to hear Jim Jordan or some congressman say some other angle to this, but the testimony in and of itself is really, really powerful.”
[Stunned silence]
ROBERTS: “Sandra? Are you still here?”
SMITH: “Indeed, yes, I am here. You know, Bret, to your point, I just wonder for the country watching this in this moment, how much this changes what people believed or did not believe.”
There’s another angle? Like maybe Trump sent a frothing, armed mob to the Capitol for some totally innocent reason?
Of course, one can only assume the Fox News folks had much the same reaction as the rest of us.
Or maybe they were more in sync with members of Trump’s own team.
"This is a bombshell. It's stunning. It's shocking.
The story about 'The Beast' -- I don't have words. It's just stunning," said one Trump adviser, referring to the presidential limousine.
"This paints a picture of Trump completely unhinged and completely losing all control which, for his base, they think of him as someone who is in command at all times. This completely flies in the face of that," the adviser added. ...
"For the first time since the hearings started, no one is dismissing this," the adviser said.
Really? Just because Trump allegedly tried to strangle a member of his Secret Service detail after knowingly sending an armed mob—some with AR-15s—to the door of the U.S. Capitol building? We’re really gonna get in a twist over that?
Well, some of us will, anyway. But surely not one of his merry band of former White House chiefs of sta … oh, fuck ...
When you’ve lost Mick Mulvaney … well, that’s a super successful snipe hunt. But when Trump loses him, that cuts to the quick.
Life sure is unpredictable. Had you told me in summer 2020 that in two years I’d want to hug Liz Cheney and twirl her around the room like a long-lost family member, I’d have said you’re bloody bonkers. But here we are.
And now, right on cue, Trump is melting down on social media.
Do your worst, Grampa Rage Diapers. Everyone sees you now.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
