Congratulations, spreaders, you've created the most successful COVID mutation yet, BA.5! Of course, it was a collective effort that included the CDC, Neo-nazis, Trump, Russian intelligence services, airline company CEOs, entertainers, TV personalities, and most parts of our government. But your individual effort deserves recognition and praise.
You knew that the virus cannot mutate on doorknobs or toilet seats. It needs hosts, and you volunteered to be that vaccinated, boosted, mask-free, untested, asymptomatic Typhoid Mary type host who breeds a fine virus mutation. And you knew that if we could get 100 times as many hosts, we could get 100 times as many mutations. The masks are off and the party is on!
Now it's time to work on the next major mutation, the one that's as infectious as BA.5 and also causes great big blood clots in the brain. I know you're up to the task, just keep the face bare and spend lots of time in crowded places with your spreader friends.
And now for a comedy break before the poll!
Why can't Donald Trump operate a computer?
- He can't take his finger off the Control key.
How many Trumps does it take to change a light bulb?
- That's funny, you hesitated, as if Trumps can change light bulbs.
Did you hear the Trump Presidential Library burned down?
- It was a tragedy! They saved most of the golf clubs, but lost both books, the iPhone, and all 7 TVs.
Why did Brett Kavanaugh show up to work in a white robe?
- When they said the case involved very fine people, he thought they meant the KKK.
Why did Amy Coney Barrett panic when she saw a drop of ketchup on her sleeve?
- She thought it was a baby.
Why did Neil Gorsuch cross the street twice?
- Because he's a double crosser.
Why does John Roberts think black robes are fashionable?
- He hangs out with people who think climate change and COVID are fashionable, too.