With the recent Supreme Court decision allowing states to ban abortion, some of those states are going to make it a criminal act to seek an abortion, even if it is outside of their home state. If they are going to make a criminal out of a woman seeking her reproductive rights in a Freedom State (you know, those progressive states that think that women have rights, like California), then I'm here to make some recommendations on how to be a good criminal.
Now, I want to be clear that I am not an attorney, police officer, CIA secret agent, or anything else. My recommendations are based on logical thinking (you know, that trait you need for science) and watching how stupid criminals get caught on Dateline. If you want to get an abortion in a Freedom State, then you need to be careful and think like a criminal.
I know that this article isn't about science, vaccines, or anything else that might interest you. It's just that I'm a flaming liberal, and I thought that the right to an abortion was won when I was in elementary school. It's ridiculous that I have to write this kind of article, but here we are. The anti-women states are going to do everything in their power to criminalize abortions, even trying to regulate drugs that can be used for medical abortions.
The top 10 things to do as an abortion criminal
Basically, you want to do everything you can do to be anonymous when you come to a Freedom State to take advantage of your reproductive rights. You need to disappear so that you cannot be tracked. You do not know how many times the criminal carries his iPhone to the location where he buries the body — the police always figure this out.
So here is my list:
- If you’re going to search for abortions in a Freedom State, don’t do it on any device that can be tracked. Use the anonymous browsing mode (called Incognito) of Chrome which does not track what you’re doing while connected to a VPN. That way, if the anti-abortion cops search your computer, they won't find anything. Even Planned Parenthood is not careful about protecting your privacy, so be extremely careful on how you research abortions in the Freedom States.
- Do not tell ANYONE that you are traveling to a Freedom State. You do not want to have a friend or family member lie to the police for you. Or worse yet, they not only tell the truth to the police, but they also give you up to them.
- Leave your iPhone (or whatever smartphone you use) at home before leaving for a Freedom State. Do not even think about taking it with you. If this is not clear, let me repeat myself, leave your iPhone at home. I know you’re addicted to it, but no matter what Apple (or Google or Samsung) says, it tracks your movements. You can turn off location services on your iPhone (go to Settings>Privacy & Security>Location Services, then turn it off,) but it may not be foolproof.
- If you must have a smartphone, get a burner phone. And don’t pay for it with a credit card, pay for it with cash once you arrive in a Freedom State.
- If you get a burner phone, do not log into Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, or whatever else. Those apps can track you, and anti-women states can subpoena those companies for your movements and posts. You’re just going to have to survive a few days without telling everyone what you ate for dinner. I need to repeat myself — stay off of social media while in the Freedom State.
- Do not text anyone, even if someone is concerned about you. Now, this might lead to people worrying about you, but you only should be gone for a couple of days. I don't know any way around this rule — text messages can be subpoenaed meaning you could be arrested if they read what you've written.
- When you return to your anti-women state, do not post anywhere what you did. Don't text a friend. Leave no trace of what you did, no matter how tempted you are. Remember, cops can read your text messages, your Facebook posts, everything.
- Do not do anything that shows the anti-women cops that you’ve been in a Freedom State. Do not use credit cards to pay for Uber, rent a car, or get a nice suite in an expensive hotel. I’m sure there will be an Underground Railroad of people who will help you do what you need to do completely anonymously, it's what they used to do in the 1960s.
- Do not drive to a Freedom State if your car has GPS. You may as well just tell the anti-women police what you had done and where you have gone.
- If you want to get a medical abortion and do it online, again, use an anonymous browser and VPN (there are many out there, I'm not going to make a recommendation). Use a disposable cash card to buy the medications. Then ship the medications to a UPS or FedEx shipping location for you to pick up. Most companies who do this will not advertise what’s in the package.
Yes, this sounds like you’re being a criminal, but in the eyes of the anti-abortion states, they’re going to consider that you are a criminal. That means you have got to be as anonymous and as quiet as you can. Once you decide to do this, involve no one in your activities. No one. Your best friend might call the police. Your mother could accidentally mention it to your religious aunt.
It's really frustrating that our country has gone in this direction. Sadly, going to a Freedom State may only be available to people with sufficient money to do so, which usually includes the daughters and mistresses of the anti-women legislators and governors. You know they will be funding abortions in the Freedom States.
I probably missed something, since I lack a criminal mind. If you have other suggestions, please leave them in the comments. I will cast no aspersions if you have better ideas to become a perfect abortion criminal.