Intermission
Well, 2022 is hurtling down the tracks at a brisk enough pace. The second quarter is now behind us, and that means it's C&J number-crunching time. Every few months we post the results of some recent C&J polls to give you a snapshot of what Kossacks think about this ‘n that. For example...
» When the Census Bureau announced in April it was doing a massive data dump from the 1950s, 26 percent of you said you would access it to look for info about your family history.
» When we asked about Jen Psaki’s job performance in her final days as White House Press Secretary, 96 percent rated her “excellent."
» Apparently outgoing Rep. Madison Cawthorn (The Cult-NC) wasn’t joking. One-in-four of you say you’ve had to call the cops to complain about the noise from a late-night Republican cocaine orgy in your neighborhood.
Continued...
» When asked "How would you grade your public school education," 45 percent gave theirs an A, 34 percent a B, and 8 percent a C. 10 percent didn’t attend public schools.
» Ukraine coverage and analysis: a whopping 93 percent of you prefer the reports from Daily Kos stalwarts Markos, Mark Sumner, and Hunter versus the traditional media’s.
» In terms of marijuana consumption, 16 percent use wacky tobaccy frequently, 15 percent occasionally.
» Lukewarm response to president Biden’s proposed gas tax holiday. 42 percent support, while 40 percent don’t.
» Support among the Daily Kos community for a ban on assault weapons? 98 percent. raising the age to buy a gun to 21? Also 98 percent.
» Daily Kos turned 20 in May. 53 percent of you have been coming here for over 10 years. (26 percent for over 15 years.)
» On Third Shift Workers Day, we asked if you'd ever worked an overnight job. 60 percent said yes.
» Now that Democrats are in the majority on the Postal Board, 99 percent of you still want postmaster Louis DeJoy fired. (As of today, he remains un-fired. Anyone know why?)
As always, thanks for participating in our polls. And please: use your super-human brain power responsibly. For good, not evil. Except, of course, on National Use Your Super-Human Brain Power For Evil Day.
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, July 6, 2022
Note: Here's today's Helpful Hint from Heloise. To reduce your risk of becoming a red-hatted cultist, be civil and think with your brain. Hugs!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Labor Day: 61
Days 'til the 75th Maine Potato Blossom Festival in Fort Fairfield: 3
Amount Ukraine plans to raise—much of it via seized Russian assets—to rebuild after it wins its war with Russia: $750 billion
Median age of a white evangelical Christian, which has been climbing since the 1980s as young people turn away from the angry-god cult: 56
Estimated number of people who flew commercial over the holiday weekend: 9 million
Opening weekend haul for the new Minions movie, a record for a July 4 weekend: $125 million
Estimated amount the Minions franchise has made so far: $4 billion
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 189 (including 3 earthquakes and 1 surefire birth control method for men). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: One hot potato…
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CHEERS to joining the A-Team that also has an N, a T, and an O in it. So, Sweden and Finland, you think you have what it takes to become a member of NATO, do ya? We'll see about that. It takes guts to join NATO. Guts and brains and dedication to teamwork and sleepless nights focusing like a laser on superior military strategies and tactics that will successfully defend the democracies of the world from the Russian horde. NATO ain't beanbag, kiddos, and even passing the first test can be a grueling affair that drives a nation to the edge of total collapse. So come on, Sweden and Finland, let's see if you can—[checks notes]—stand together for a photo with NATO ambassadors and the secretary general moments before applause breaks out. But fair warning: it took France 16 tries to get this part right, so good luck:
Finland and Sweden’s accession to NATO would mark one of the biggest shifts in European security in decades and further increase Russia’s strategic isolation in the wake of its invasion of neighbouring Ukraine in February.
NATO ambassadors and secretary general Jens Stoltenberg stood together for a photo in which the foreign ministers of Sweden and Finland held up their signed protocols, before breaking out into applause.
“Thank you for your support! Now the process of ratification by each of the allies begins,” Swedish Foreign Minister Ann Linde wrote on Twitter.
Well done. Now for Test #2: stand in the NATO parking lot patting your head while rubbing your tummy and chewing gum at the same time, as all the member nations judge you on coordination and meme-worthiness on social media. And then you’ll be ready for the final step: yes, dropping trou’ and mooning Moscow.
P.S. While you and I were celebrating the Fourth, NATO was installing its new Supreme Allied Commander, a position previously held by the likes of Dwight Eisenhower, Matthew Ridgway and Wesley Clark. The new guy is Army General Christopher Cavoli. This is him:
He speaks fluent Russian and knows Europe like the back of his hand. His hobbies include woodworking, long walks on the beach, and making Putin’s high command pop the tops off bottles of vodka under their desks with shaky fingers.
JEERS to America: land of the guns, home of the gun nuts. What happens in the wake of the mass shooting in Newtown Aurora Binghamton Tucson Santa Barbara Charleston Lafayette Roseburg Kalamazoo Orlando Alexandria Las Vegas Parkland Benton Pittsburgh Thousand Oaks Aurora Poway Highlands Ranch Virginia Beach Gilroy El Paso Dayton Midland/Odessa Fresno Milwaukee Atlanta Boulder Colorado Springs Chicago Buffalo Uvalde etcetera etcetera Highland Park, Illinois (7 dead and 24 wounded after a Trump cultist shot up a July 4th parade from a rooftop) is depressingly predictable: The community will grieve. Gun control advocates will wisely suggest that this might be a good time to review our federal and state firearms policies so that our nation's unconscionable record of gun violence might be improved upon. The right-wing gun nuts and media machine will claim it’s “just a lone wolf,” then blame Democrats (and their movies and video games) for the carnage and urge every living soul and their pets to arm themselves to the teeth, and the NRA will insist it's "too soon" to talk about gun control as they continue scaring politicians into looking the other way by informing them that, "We'll be scoring you on your response." Like I said, predictable. Depressingly. Again.
P.S. Oh NRA, is there no pile of dog shit on earth you won’t step in?
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CHEERS to starting out on the right side of history. 168 years ago today, on July 6, 1854, the Republican Party held its first convention in Jackson, Michigan. Back then, they really did have a good idea:
We believe that slavery is a violation of the rights of man.
We vow at whatever expense, and publicly proclaim our determination, to oppose by all the powerful and honorable means in our power, now and henceforth, all attempts, direct and indirect, to extend slavery in this country, or to permit it to extend into any region or locality in which it does not now exist by positive low, or to admit new slave states into the Union.
Today the Republicans' de facto leader is Donald Trump, a thin-skinned racist fraud who leads a cult that tried to overthrow the government last year. Memo to Abe Lincoln: there's a word for old-school Republicans like you in modern-day America: dirty fucking hippies. Here, have a bong hit, You look like you could use one. Besides, it's gotta be Four score and twenty o’clock somewhere.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to greenbacks. In a famous first, on July 6, 1785, Congress agreed that the dollar would officially become America’s first “unit of U.S. currency.” Also on July 6, 1785, the American public agreed that the dollar would officially become America’s first "endangered species."
CHEERS to friendly words of advice. A day after our sorry saggy-ass country “celebrated” its 246th birthday, another country marked a momentous milestone of their own:
Algeria is celebrating 60 years of independence from France on Tuesday with nationwide ceremonies, a pardon of 14,000prisoners and its first military parade in years.
The events mark the country's official declaration of independence on July 5, 1962,after a brutal seven-year war which ended 132 years of colonial rule. The war, which killed at least 1.5 million people, remains a point of tension in relations between Algeria and France.
“A day of glory for a new era" is the official slogan of the celebration, which includes concerts, sports events, lectures and photo exhibits retracing the horrors of the war.
Happy 60th, Algeria. But a quick word of advice: when you hit your "terrible two-hundreds," be vigilant. Trust us.
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 6, 2012
CHEERS to the new batter on Team Gay. Sorry to break it to ya, ladies, but the day you've dreaded is finally here. Anderson Cooper has made it official: ”Yes—I've always owned a toaster oven.” Great. Now that the suspense has finally been terminated, maybe I can finally get some sleep. With Anderson Cooper! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!! Update: My partner Michael informs me that the preceding was not funny. C&J regrets the error.
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And just one more…
(Microscopic) cheers to The Decider. C&J has a rule—a DUMB rule—that says we can never jeer someone on their birthday, no matter how vile or despicable they are. But there is nothing in our bylaws that says we can't alter certain song lyrics. Ahem...
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, George W. Bush, you scum-suckin', torture-lovin', incompetent-crony-hirin', PDB ignorin', oil company bootlickin', English-language manglin’, Constitution-shreddin', The Pet Goat readin', bogus-war-startin' disaster,
Happy birthday to you.
He's 76 today and barely looks younger than his dad does in his coffin. Hope you’re enjoyin’ that Social Security, sir. Thanks to our efforts to kill your privatization efforts, it's still there for ya.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Otters are thriving in…the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool?
—Benji Jones, Vox
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