If you see Donald Trump’s perversely hued, semi-ambulant carcass bumbling over the horizon and think “oh boy, we’re saved,” you’re frightfully deluded, a Russian propagandist, or the newly minted owner of a distressed Palm Beach Krispy Kreme franchise.
Trump is not the answer to any problem, unless your doctor is worried you’re getting far too much deep, restful sleep these days—or unless you’re Vladimir Putin and his merry band of TV sycophants.
Less than a week after one of its talking scheisskopfs openly questioned whether Russia would “reinstall” Trump in 2024, Russian state TV appears to have woken up to the fact that no American could possibly be more corrosive to the cause of freedom and human rights than Donald John Trump. If you gave Trump a choice between a Filet-O-Fish and preserving Ukraine’s fledgling democracy—and assured him no one would ever find out what he picked—he’d scarf that sandwich down like a deranged pelican before you could say “Vidkun Quisling.” And then he’d toss in Lithuania and Estonia for a large fry and Shamrock Shake.
Russia knows this, and Russia is saying so. In the latest translation from Russian media monitor Julia Davis, Russian state TV makes its strategy crystal clear to any Westerner paying attention: President Joe Biden is ruining Tsar Vlad’s dreams of world conquest, so their only viable option is waiting for the triumphant return of Trump.
The Daily Beast:
Russia is starting to feel the sting of Western sanctions, with state media shows featuring multiple experts who talk of “rebuilding” or “re-starting” the country’s economy. They urge everyday Russians not to delude themselves into thinking that pre-war life would return to normal for years or decades to come. The only bright spot on the Kremlin propagandists’ horizon is the potential return of Donald J. Trump.
Honestly, there’s a fair chance that Trump will be dead, in prison, or caught in an eternal loop of dementia test-taking and bragging by the time 2024 rolls around, but when you’re this desperate for relief from a much smaller country that’s been publicly humiliating you for months, you’ll glom onto any glimmer of hope that comes along. Even if that glimmer is actually just a diaper landfill that won’t stop spontaneously combusting.
During Wednesday’s live broadcast The Evening With Vladimir Solovyov, host Vladimir Solovyov—who recently spent time in meetings with Russian President Vladimir Putin—detailed the only semi-plausible scenario of Moscow eventually escaping consequences for invading Ukraine. Solovyov said, “I liked it a lot when the White House said, “We have no opportunity to talk. Throw us a pass so that we’ll want to talk to you.” And we say, “We don’t want to. Maybe you want to talk, but we don’t. We don’t want to take any steps towards you. We’ll wait for Trump.”
Got that, America? The biggest obstacle to peace and democracy in the world wants you to reinstall Neck-Wattle Nero as the leader of the soon-to-be-not-so-free world. Maybe gas prices aren’t the Western world’s biggest problem after all, eh?
Solovyov also stated the painfully obvious: Republicans and Democrats are not the same when it comes to upholding traditional American values like democracy and freedom. “Biden is fundamentally different in many respects,” he said. “Trump even said, 'I don’t need NATO.' He did impose some sanctions, but he listened to us. We were talking to him. ... Trump hates Ukraine, because Ukraine was trying to do everything possible for him not to get elected.” Solovyov added: “Trump, Trump Trump! ... Those Americans who are constantly analyzing our program are having heart attacks right now, so I’ll say: Trump, Trump, Trum-pum-pump!”
Solovyov et al. are also less than shy about enumerating the horrors they’d like to visit upon our shores. To wit: If Putin can coax the MAGA horde to rise from the corn again, the Kremlin will be tickled pink.
“Just light a match and everything there will be ablaze,” Solovyov said in reference to America’s internal volatility and mounting political tensions. Predicting turmoil and unrest in the United States, Maxim Bratersky, professor of political science at the Department of International Affairs in Moscow’s Higher School of Economics, then chimed in with his take on what Russia’s main goal should be for America: “In every way we can do them harm, we should do it.”
Yeah, y’all did us enough harm with that cruel prank you pulled in 2016. Here, have another HIMARS rocket as a sincere thank you. Hope you enjoyed receiving it as much as we enjoyed the look on your face when you “unwrapped” it. Truly priceless.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.