Three Score and One Year Ago Today...
Mr. and Mrs. Barack H. Obama 6085 Kalanianaole Hwy., son, Aug. 4
—Honolulu Advertiser, 1961
Remember during the '08 campaign when the traditional media tried spinning the line that Obama was too young and wet-behind-the-huge-ears to be president? I laughed, knowing that his accomplished POTUSmates in the 40-something club include Teddy Roosevelt, James K. Polk, John F. Kennedy, and Bill Clinton. Besides, a quick check of the highlights of his birth year, 1961, is enough to make your bones feel a bit creaky:
Continued...
✓ None of the James Bond movies had been released; West Side Story won the Oscar for Best Picture
✓ John F. Kennedy was sworn in as the 35th president—Obama is #44
✓ The Grammy for best Rock & Roll recording: Chubby Checker, "Let's Twist Again"; Best R&B recording: Ray Charles, "Hit the Road Jack"
✓ The Dow Jones Industrials reached a high of...734.
✓ Median price of a new home: $17,200
✓ Harper Lee won a Pulitzer for To Kill A Mockingbird
✓ East Germany replaced its barbed wire barricades with a permanent wall dividing Berlin
✓ The Emmy for outstanding news program went to The Huntley-Brinkley Report
✓ Roger Maris hit 61 home runs, breaking Babe Ruth's single-season record
✓ The price of a gallon of gas: 31 cents.
Certain policy and strategy differences aside, I consider Obama one of the greatest embodiments of what the U.S. presidency should be, and I'm ready to be adopted as soon as he and Michelle submit the paperwork. (What is taking so long???) So Happy 61st Birthday, Mr. President…and many blessings on your Marxist socialist Muslim Jade Helm Benghazi tan-suit-wearing Nicorette-chewing camels.
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 4, 2022
Note: Whoever can guess what the mystery breakfast meat is in the C&J cafeteria this morning by taste alone gets a free ride to the ER. —Chef Not Jose Andres
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next full moon: 7
Days 'til the Cokato Corn Carnival in Minnesota: 4
Percent of Americans without health insurance in the 1st quarter of 2022, the lowest in American history: 8%
Estimated number of uninsured Americans who have become insured during President Biden's year-and-a-half in office: 5 million
Increase in credit card balances in the 2nd quarter, up 5.5% from the 1st quarter: $46 billion
Date on which the Justice Department sued Idaho for restricting access to abortion in cases of lifesaving need, the first such action against a state since six buckle-hatted SCOTUS goons overturned Roe v. Wade: 8/2/22
Number of states in which gas is an average of $3.89 a gallon: 15
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Their first week in office, the Bushies claimed the Clintonites had taken the W's off White House computers, glued the drawers together and committed other vandalism—all of which turned out to be a big fat lie.
Why that didn’t tip the media off about what kind of people they were dealing with is unclear to me.
Tell you what’s not Clinton’s fault, and that’s the shape this country is going to be in by the time we get rid of this administration. In addition to the fiasco in Iraq, Bush’s larger contributions to misgovernment include a blinding fiscal irresponsibility that has put this country deep in debt for years to come.
—July, 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Husky's birthday???
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CHEERS to sending an unambiguous message. True confession: I don’t typically follow primary elections much on election eve. Too many races are uncalled before I hit the hay, and I like to wake up the next morning to see what the biggest bombshells are. Little did I expect that the bluest of results would happen in the reddest of states. So good on ya, Kansans, for telling the buckle-hatted Puritans to choke on their wheat chaff while offering a beacon of hope to the rest of us in the several states:
The wording of the question was convoluted, but the answer was crystal clear: No. Voters in Kansas on Tuesday, in dramatic numbers and by an overwhelming margin, rejected a ballot measure that would have allowed lawmakers to ban abortion in the state.
The rejection of the measure highlighted the increasingly stark divide between the activities of Republican state lawmakers, often in legislatures gerrymandered to effectively guarantee GOP control, and the political and policy desires of American voters. In more immediate terms, the ballot measure's defeat---on a day of extraordinary turnout---also provides a clear indication that the desire to defend abortion rights could be a potent issue for Democrats in the coming midterm elections.
And just in case the message didn’t quite make it to Justice Alito's ears, allow me: We all hate you and it's pathetic that you can't grow anything on your ugly face but that stupid little peach-fuzz beard, you abhorrent manchild. Please support my GoFundMe page in so I can hire a 747 to skywrite those words over D.C. (Boeing says if we come up with the cash by tomorrow they'll toss in a freebie over Ted Cruz's house.)
CHEERS to Grrrrrrrrl Power! Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, only two heartbeats away from the most powerful position in the known universe, gave China's menfolk something to cry in their noodles about when she jet-packed over to Taiwan to personally shore up the island nation's defenses while standing on top of a Sherman tank with a bullhorn. "More barricades over there! Trenches six inches deeper! Cover those spiked pits with more twigs and leaves!" Oh, it was sight, and a welcome morale boost for the brave souls staring down China's leader, Winnie the Pu Pu Platter, in his soulless black eyeballs. And now he's calling in the wahmbulance:
China, which claims Taiwan as its territory and opposes any engagement by Taiwanese officials with foreign governments, announced multiple military exercises around the island, parts of which will enter Taiwanese waters, and issued a series of harsh statements after the delegation touched down Tuesday night in the Taiwanese capital, Taipei.
Beijing's foreign ministry said, "In the current struggle surrounding Pelosi's Taiwan visit, the United States are the provocateurs, China is the victim."
Taiwanese President Tsai responded firmly Wednesday to Beijing's military intimidation. "Facing deliberately heightened military threats, Taiwan will not back down," Tsai said at her meeting with Pelosi. "We will firmly uphold our nation's sovereignty and continue to hold the line of defense for democracy."
You know what I'd tell China if it was me up there at the lectern? I'd lean into the microphone all dramatic-like and bellow: "Mr. Xi! Tear…down…that…Great…Wall!" And then I'd go sightseeing because I've never been to Taiwan but I hear it’s lovely.
JEERS to America the Gullible. Fool us once: 58 years ago this week, in 1964, Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution, giving President Johnson a big fat stick to wield while dealing with reported North Vietnamese attacks on U.S. forces. It was all crap—the attacks never happened but we bought it anyway. Fool us twice: four decades later George W. Bush did virtually the same thing by ginning up bullshit documents and other phony evidence to concoct a bogus case for invading Iraq, but we (well, not we we but they we) bought it anyway. Lesson learned: our wars need to come with a stronger refund policy.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to great moments in human dampness. During this week in 1926, Gertrude Ederle became the first American woman to swim the English Channel. It took her 14½ hours. Know why? Because she kept stopping to check her makeup! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! This misogynist message brought to you by the National Consortium of Republican-Controlled State Legislatures, whose members just snorted milk out their noses.
CHEERS to having a really shitty immunity system. (I do so love a timely play on words, don’t you? Take note, Pulitzer committee.) He can shove all the UV light he wants up his butt and inject bleach to his heart's content, but the virus known as coronajustice-21 appears to be incurable:
A federal judge on Tuesday denied former President Donald Trump's bid to dismiss three lawsuits brought by police officers injured in the Jan. 6 riot, rejecting his assertion that he is "absolutely immune" from the claims. […]
The judge noted that he had rejected similar arguments by Trump in other Jan. 6 lawsuits this year. "The court does so again," Mehta wrote.
Maybe if he chugged more ivermectin???
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And just one more + Ten years ago in C&J: August 4, 2012
CHEERS to the cranky old scribe. I can't say I've read much Gore Vidal (my loss, I admit), but I know he gave conservatives fits and his Sassoon line of hair care products is top notch, so that's good enough for me. When he expired a decade ago at 86, he'd lived a good long life and left a legacy that will keep us going back to his intellectual well for a good long time. Here's a smattering of vital Vidal:
"Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn."
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"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
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"The United States was founded by the brightest people in the country—and we haven't seen them since."
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"A good deed never goes unpunished."
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"You know, I've been around the ruling class all my life, and I've been quite aware of their total contempt for the people of the country."
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"In writing and politicking, it's best not to think about it, just do it."
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"Liberal comes from the Latin liberalis, which means pertaining to a free man. In politics, to be liberal is to want to extend democracy through change and reform. One can see why that word had to be erased from our political lexicon."
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"The Republican Party is fundamentally crooked and might well be outlawed one of these days."
His lips to God's ears. And I hope Bill Buckley's within earshot.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Joy Behar fawns over Joe Biden's announcement of Zawahiri killing: "He's like Bill in Portland Maine!"
—Mediaite
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