As Republicans went into round two of what we can only hope will be many, many rounds of voting for a new Speaker of the House, the former king of the extremist right and noted locker room observer Jim Jordan, demonstrated what was undoubtedly meant to be a show of unity by standing up to nominate Keven McCarthy. That moment of unity was followed roughly zero seconds later by America’s skeeziest congressman jumping in to demonstrate that any idea that Republicans would now fall in line after a single ceremonial round of disagreement was about as silly as the idea that Jim Jordan could be the voice of reason.
In nominated Jordan, who nominated McCarthy, Gaetz not only praised Jordan, he ground McCarthy under his heel, making it clear that a good deal of his contempt for McCarthy is generated expressly from McCarthy’s willingness to do absolutely anything to win the position. To recap: Jordan is a monster, McCarthy is a slime mold, and Gaetz is admires the one man in Congress whose moral record may be worse than his own. It’s a very special day in Congress.
Kevin McCarthy is such a huge egotist, and such a weak leader, that he’s already promised to hand over almost all the power of the speakership in order to secure his name above the door. He just wants it so bad. But in the first round of voting, Republicans whose philosophical position is roughly 1mm away from McCarthy’s own denied him the speakership because … again, he’s just that weak a leader.
Meanwhile, Jordan is a certified lying bastard, and dropping the gavel in front of him would only guarantee that he would use it to firmly smash anything that remains of the ethics committee before it bites him. What makes it more fun is that Jordan might not even be lying when he says he doesn’t want the job — though it is Jim Jordan, and he did say it, so … maybe it has to be a lie. It’s something of a logic puzzle.
Meanwhile, Gaetz and Co. are sabotaging McCarthy expressly because he’s so weak that he gave in to other a-holes just like them. Really, if you’re going to watch democracy teetering on the brink of failure, at least it’s entertaining.
And right now, as this was being written, Kevin McCarthy lost the second round of voting before the clerk was even halfway through the alphabet. Damn. That’s … well, that’s Tuesday. So far.
Everybody take a drink. But limit yourself to something non-alcoholic, because this thing looks like it could go on for a gallon or two.