Donald Trump, who led a seditious conspiracy against the United States government, has yet another new lawyer. If you're wondering what sort of person would agree to represent Donald Trump despite a history of Trump-allied lawyers going to prison, facing potential disbarment, never getting paid, and/or becoming national laughingstocks, meet Joe Tacopina. Tacopina's been doing his best to become an Important Television Lawyer, now that he's in Trump's employ. It hasn't been going well.
Actually, we're going to need to revise that. "Hasn't been going well" is when you hold a big important press conference and your hair dye starts dribbling down your head like your brain just blew a head gasket and it's going to be a very, very expensive repair. Tacopina's more a fan of the "What if I intentionally pierced the veil of my client's dodgy corporate shell company during a televised interview?" sort of Bad Day Haver.
WHOOPS. BIG HUGE WHOOPS. One of the things you do not want to do, when you are defending your new client from many crimes and civil lawsuits and possible exorcisms or what have you, is stipulate on camera that the shell company your client hides his money in is actually his "personal funds," blowing up the distinction between the two and making it easy for litigants to scrape money out of both places instead of just one. That is a Lionel Hutz bad court thingy right there.
Even worse, imagine blowing up a significant part of your own defense in an interview with Chuck Todd. That's like being clubbed to death by a Teletubby.
Don't worry, Joe can fix this. He went to big-time lawyer school, he knows how to win back a jury.
Your honor, of course my client committed business fraud, which I have now explained is indistinguishable from personal fraud because it's the same set of books. It was either engaging in fraud or admitting he cheated on his pregnant wife with a porn star, and who among us has not yada yada whatever?
The weekend has not gone well for Trump in general. Here's a friendly legal tip: Just because Joe Tacopina wants to be on television doesn't mean Joe Tacopina should be on television. He's not great at it.
Then there's the House Republican efforts to immunize Donald Trump from every last damn crime Donald Trump has ever done. There's no way to argue that without sounding stupid, but House Republicans have a whole bench of people for whom "sounding stupid" is their own personal art form.
Rep. James Comer ought to try out being Trump's lawyer for a month or two. He can't possibly do worse than any of the others.
Sign if you agree: No one is above the law
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It's just barely springtime in an off year, but there's been loads of election news lately, so co-hosts David Nir and David Beard have a super-sized roundup on this week's episode of The Downballot. The Davids recap the first round of voting in the race for Jacksonville mayor (which saw Democrats do unusually well) and the collapse of an effort to recall New Orleans Mayor LaToya Cantrell before turning to big batch of 2024 updates.
On tap for the Senate: The GOP's desperate effort to compete with Democratic fundraising enthusiasm by recruiting self-funders; why Republicans are afraid the guy who succeeded John Boehner in Congress will try to challenge Sherrod Brown; and how Democrats' plans to clear the field in Michigan may not succeed. Plus developments in the battle for New Hampshire's governorship, a key House seat in Wisconsin, and the saga of Tennessee's answer to George Santos.