Maybe the reason conservatives never thought waterboarding was torture is that they’ve been pouring gallons of water over their gawping maws for decades in the form of Bud Light—and have actually paid for the privilege. Seriously, that’s bound to warp anyone’s perspective. Of course, after Anheuser-Busch sent a personalized commemorative Bud Light can to a trans influencer (really, that’s all this silly hubbub is about), MAGAs decided they’d had enough and went in search of a brand-new brew.
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, for example, switched her beer preference to Coors Light—which, of course, openly touts its LGBTQ-positive bona fides. And Kid Rock exercised his First and Second Amendment rights by shooting at cans of the lackluster lager. And then there’s the MAGA mouse who’s trying to sell suds to his fellow swillers for roughly $5.80 a can. Meanwhile, conservatives have been trying to pretend that a minor blip in Anheuser-Busch’s stock price is an existential threat to the company.
But while many Republicans would like to send their erstwhile favorite beer to a watery grave, GOP muckety-mucks are now balking because, well, Anheuser-Busch donates a fuck-ton of money to Republicans.
RELATED STORY: Buy $35 beer to make woke libs mad: The sad state of the conservative culture war
On Saturday, the National Republican Congressional Committee deleted a fundraising page that took aim at Anheuser-Busch and Bud Light. Earlier in the day, the committee had sent out a tweet asking for donations in exchange for a drink koozie that said “This Beer Identifies as Water.” (Get it? It’s an anti-trans joke that attempts to identify as humor.) The original tweet said, “Thanks to [trans influencer] Dylan Mulvaney, we can all finally admit that Bud Light tastes like water. With our new koozie’s [sic], you can make sure no one confuses Bud Light with real beer ever again.”
But apparently someone in the NRCC realized that Anheuser-Busch sends a lot of cash to—well, this is embarrassing—the NRCC. The Daily Beast:
The decision to reverse course is almost certainly a reaction to the reality that the parent company behind Bud Light is a major donor to the group—and comes after Donald Trump Jr. urged an end to a boycott of the “conservative-leaning” beer. In the 2022 cycle alone, Anheuser-Busch and its employees gave the NRCC $464,505.
One GOP operative who spoke to The Daily Beast on condition of anonymity wondered why Republican donors would open their wallets back up to give to the group. “I assume they backtracked because they realized they were biting the hand that feeds them, and as soon as word gets around about that, why would anyone else give them big money in the future?” the Republican operative told The Daily Beast Saturday afternoon.
“Bud Light has some idiots in their marketing department who thought this was a good idea,” the strategist continued. “The NRCC has some idiots in their marketing department that thought their response was a good idea. Maybe the ultimate lesson here is to stop letting the marketing geniuses make decisions and run things.”
Ah, yes, Donald Trump Jr. is part of this story now, too. And he’s casting himself as the voice of reason! I imagine his reaction was similar to the time his dad insisted we need to execute drug dealers, and Junior started wildly applauding before his expression suddenly darkened, a spark of realization alighted on his oleaginous noodle, and he abruptly blurted out, “Wait, which drug dealers?” Newsweek:
Trump Jr. defended Anheuser-Busch after the firm faced intense criticism from conservatives following its recent support for transgender TikTok personality and actress Dylan Mulvaney.
On his podcast Triggered earlier this week, Trump Jr. questioned whether the decision to show support for Mulvaney was "a one-off colossal screw-up."
He then claimed Anheuser-Busch supported Republicans and that in the last cycle, its employees and its Political Action Committee gave "about 60 percent to Republicans," referring to political donations and lobbying.
Wow, Junior showing some spine! That said, he clearly doesn’t have the courage of his arbitrary, totally pointless, perfectly silly convictions. Ah, whatever. Ironically, the NRCC calling Bud Light water may be the first true thing they’ve ever said. And now they’re backing off.
Fools! You had it right the first time!
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.